I need help

Posted , 3 users are following.

My name is Victoria. I am 17, almost 18, years old. I have a pretty great life. I am posting this here because I need help . . .

I have been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety at age 15. I was diagnosed after I went into a mental hospital for severely cutting my arm (over 600 times.)

I want to be a psychologist when I get older. I want to help people who were in my position and help them understand that everything is going to be alright.

I'm scared though. I'm scared I may have something worse then what I've already been diagnosed with.

Each day it's getting harder and harder to control my rage. If one of my dogs doesn't listen to me, I get a burning rage and I scream at them. If they pee in the house, I smack them. I try to control it, I try to be the one in control. I'll pause and take deep breaths, but the littlest thing can set me over again.

I've been clean from cutting, but when I'm alone, and now even when I'm near people, I'll hear voices of some sort telling me to do it. That I'm worthless and that I need to cut to feel alive again.

That brings me to my next topic . . . my emotions. I can turn on and off my emotions practically. When I "turn off" my emotions, everything goes blank. I don't feel anything at all. It's... it's scary that I can do this and none of my friends can do the same. It feels like my emotions are almost always off. I always feel blank besides when I'm angry.

I'm afraid to reach for help again. I'm afraid it won't work like before. I don't want pills to make me feel like a normal human being.

I don't even know what normal feels like anymore.

I. Need. Help.

2 likes, 7 replies

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi sky... look you can recognise that you are struggling at the moment hence your post

    I. 39 and have had depression and anxiety since 14.

    I never wanted pills you make me fee"l normal "

    But it is a chemical imbalance in our brains the tablets even that up and down feeling out.

    Please do for and see your gp ASAP whilst you can see that you are struggling.. even for somoney to talk toon.

    There are many of us on here all with problems we are working on.

    Your dog's have done nothing wrong and you know that it's just you seem to be venting when you need a little help maybe.

    I don't know about switching on off your emotions as like your friends I don't have that.

    Please take care

    Keep calm

    Talk to someone please


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  • Posted

    Victoria, I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I have a 17 year old daughter with mental health problems and she is recently under the care of a psychiatrist. 

    You are so young to be trying to deal with this alone. Even an adult would not be able to cope with this on their own. Yes, it is not a nice thought to have to take pills to feel 'normal' (whatever that is!) but sometimes that's just the way things are. It's not fair I know, but if it helps you to feel better then why make yourself suffer needlessly? Also, talking therapy might help you. Maybe even better than pills would. 

    Please Victoria go and see a doctor. Don't be afraid to ask for help. The problems you describe are not things you can sort out on your own. They really aren't. But there are qualified people out there who can help you. But you need to be honest with yourself and honest with them. Tell them how it really is. They are not mind readers. My own daughter would play down her problems when she went to the doctors so it has taken years to get to where we are now. Please seek help as soon as possible and get your life back on track. You deserve better than this.

    And if you need to keep posting on here. There are plenty of people who have had or are having the same experiences.

    Take care Victoria. 

    Love from Mari xxx

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  • Posted

    Hi Victoria, if you hear voices of any kind this would mean you have schitzophrenia. You definitely need to see a doctor and tell them you hear voices. They will give you medication.
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    • Posted

      Emily, that isn't necessarily true. But also Victoria is 17 so why scare her like this? Victoria if you are reading this please don't panic. I doubt that Emily is qualified to make such an assumption. Please don't worry, but do seek help.

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    • Posted

      I must admit, I've read up on schizophrenia and I was getting paranoid that I would have it. Then I read Emily's comment earlier and I will admit, I got scared.

      But Mari, thank you for reassuring me. It means a lot. (:

      I'm afraid to tell my mother since she's always so stressed with work, I don't want to pile anything else on her plate...

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    • Posted

      Hi Victoria, I'm glad I reassured you. But please tell your mother!! My daughter is the same as you...she doesn't like to stress me out further so keeps things hidden. This has only made things worse for herself and delayed proper treatment. I would much rather have her pile all her problems on me than have her end up in hospital or worse. That wouldn't be stressful, that would be devastating. Tell your mum. You are her daughter...she will want to know if her daughter is suffering. Please be kinder to yourself Victoria. Don't be afraid to ask for help...and take all the help that is offered. It's ok to give in and let other people help you. There is no shame in that.

      Hugs, Mari xxx

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  • Posted

    Hi Sky. I'm so sorry you’re going through this. I have many mental illnesses, some of which include depression, anxiety, anger issues related to BPD, and paranoid schizophrenia.

    Like Mari said, hearing voices doesn’t necessarily mean you have schizophrenia. There are several illnesses that can result in voice hearing. Once of which is psychotic depression. This can occur when depression gets very sever, but it can be treated with the correct medication smile I'm not medical so please see your doctor for a correct diagnosis.

    Whatever the outcome, there is treatment available. Weather it is meds or talking therapies... You can achieve everything you want to achieve. You just need to have the right support and treatment, and then you can do everything you desire.

    Hey, sure I struggle. But I am achieving everything I want in life.. so far. I have a full time job with serious responsibility, I've travelled the world for 12 months, I have a nice car, and I'm just about to get my own house with a mortgage.

    I'm telling you this because I want you to see that mental illness doesn’t have to rule your life. It might make you have to take a couple of side steps while you figure out how to manage it, but once you have that figured out the world is your oyster smile

    Please keep us updated on how you get a long, best of luck!

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