i need help
Posted , 6 users are following.
I've been self harming for 3+ years, and about May of this year i stopped for a while after a failed suicide attempt. but then September i relapsed. i haven't been able to stop relapsing either. my boyfriend checks my arms and thighs whenever he gets a feeling that I've done something. i genuinely care about him but i don't know how to explain why i cut myself. i don't ever have a reason for it besides the fact that its late at night and I'm alone. the impulse and the feeling and everything is just impossible for me to resist sometimes. and i seriously doubt ill make it the rest of the night without cutting again. i just need to know how i can either
- stop cutting
- learn how to reach out instead of cutting
- learn how to make my boyfriend feel like he isn't the reason why i do self harm.
it ruins me every time he looks at me when he sees I've cut myself. i can feel his heart break.
he's the only person i have though. i don't have many friends. acquaintances, sure. but if i had to count how many friends i have, probably 2. neither of them i can talk to because i don't have a phone and they don't have my email. I'm just worried that ill hurt my boyfriend more then i already have. last time i relapsed, it was really really bad. this time its not as bad but its not good. any ways, help?
0 likes, 3 replies
sam18386 olivarius
Posted
hi olivarius, you are right you do need support! it's how you get it and what you go for that will make the difference. have you taken tablets in the past for this? have you had any talking therapies? have you ever approached you doctor about this? you need to know why you are doing this, there must be a reason! i used to do this due to assault but after 18 months of support, i feel like cutting up the people who assaulted me! i am finally starting to accept that this is not my fault. every time you do this, think of your partner, you're really hurting him. try some chocolate or something you really like every time you try to do this. keep talking and DON'T hurt yourself, there's no point! you mean more than that....
Guest olivarius
Edited
I think in order to stop cutting yourself, you first need to get at the heart of why you started cutting yourself to begin with so you can reach out to your boy friend and help heal yourself. Now you mention you've been self harming for 3+ years and your usual reason is that it's late at night and you're alone. From that information, my best guess (forgive me if I accidentally make you feel worse) is that when it's late at night and you're alone, you often feel a great swell of emotional pain and cutting yourself is your way of diffusing that negative emotion inside of you creating a sense of calm and relief.
Cutting and self harm is essentially like any other unhealthy coping mechanism like getting drunk, binge eating, or getting high. It's a way to make you feel something other than what you're feeling or it can be a way of punishing yourself for not measuring up. Have you tried adopting a different healthier coping mechanism? Maybe that could help. Let me know if this is helpful and if not then I apologize.
joshuapryce1987 olivarius
Edited
The answer is simple. Find an alternative to cutting. Work out at a gym or buy some free weights and when you feel depressed go for a jog/run. You also need to address the reasons why you feel suicidal. Everything can change, all it takes is one phone call, one email, one text, etc. Just focus on success and be determined and the success will come in time. There is always someone who cares about, there will always be at least one person.