Posted , 7 users are following.
I'm 19 years old, come from a well doing family and have got the chance of studying in an amazing school and now a good college but I do find myself stuck in an emotional passage where I'm not able to help myself but cry. I have this fear in my mind that something will happen to my Parents, they'll fall ill. Fear that if I learn to drive I'll probably hit someone on the road. It may sound really weird but these fears haunt me now. Besides this I always feel I'm not happy with anything at all. Simple example would be- in school I had friends who were from really rich backgrounds and all so I use to feel like I'm faking in front of them. In college when I've found some good friends who are genuine and with whom I can be who I am- I feel annoyed and irritated because they're not my type so practically I don't know what's wrong.
I've always been really focussed when it comes to career planning and becoming successful which is why I'm doing ten other things besides college to help myself grow faster but it seems like I'm keeping myself busy to get away from myself. I don't know what to do.
I've never dated because one way I've felt that no guy who actually liked me was worth it and the guy who I liked was way beyond my level and he would not even bother talking to me. Seven years I liked the same person, he's not even around me anymore and I'm still not over him. It makes me cry almost everyday but I don't know why it happened- we weren't even friends so liking someone so much whom you haven't even spoken to properly makes no sense and why can't I just get over him
With my parents- they're really nice and teens don't usually say this but I love spending time with them and I always want to make sure I am there for them and they too share everything with me on their behalf but sometimes I just randomly say things to them that later on I only cry about. One side I know it's difficult to give so much fees and other expenses and I want to share their burden and other side I just end up saying things to them where I feel their not doing enough. I'm not one of those cranky immature kids but sometimes I just lose control on my words. I am completely shattered from inside. I've started hating college without a valid reason, I cry about that guy all the time, when I go for parties I try to seek positive attention by dressing my best and I hate faking it up at the same time. My parents are really nice but I hurt them unintentionally. I just wanna become successful as soon as possible and when I work towards it I just forget that there's a life to live. I love myself but also feel a little low on comparison of my own looks with others and I just don't know what's wrong. I know everything that's not right but still I can't control it or do anything about it.
I have no idea about what's wrong with me but it just becomes hard to accept when everytime something wrong happens with me like my mom falling really ill and losing herself at that stage even though she's the nicest person I know and she's one of those who has never done anything wrong to others or a simple thing like an event of mine completely getting destroyed because of someone, eventhough I prayed for it to be fine and I've never hurt anybody and I'm always nice with everyone. I don't know why it happens with me and I don't know how to stop crying about it and be happy. Why can't I just love normally and not have such extreme zones? Please help if you can.
2 likes, 4 replies