I need help! I don't want to be here anymore

Posted , 8 users are following.

I have necer felt so low in all my life and I have suffered with anxiety and panic attacks for over 30 years. I am in such a horrible situation and I feel that I am putting my family in danger if I stay here. My daughter who is 16 has been suffering with severe stomach cramps for the 2 months and has missed school since then. This is the most critical time in her life as it is the time of her GCSE exams. My husband is also diabetic and is really suffering with hypos all the time. I am constantly panicking that either of them are going to end up in hospital and selfishly worrying about myself as I dont want to be left on my own and know that I cant let my daughter deal with this on her own. She doesn't deserve a mother like me, I am putting her in danger as I can't even get her back to the doctor because anxiety sets in. I just need to be out of this life, I can't deal with this anymore. I need my family well again and no worries but everyday there is something else to worry about. It has got so bad I even worry about the weather.

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    Karen, are you seeing your GP for this? You need to phone the surgery and explain that you can't get your daughter there because of your anxiety and panic attacks. Do you know what is causing her stomach cramps?
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    • Posted

      I have been to the GP with my daughter and seen a paedaetrician at our local hospital who have tested her for many things and found nothing. She has blood in her poo and they dont seem worried, they just put it down to IBS. I am very worried but it has now affected me so badly that I just start vomiting everytime I think of going to the hospital or GPs again. My son is taking her to a private specialist that we have paid for on Tuesday, but it should be me going with her not him. I am useless
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  • Posted

    Karen, i feel your pain, i really do. i dont often comment on posts here, tho i have posted a few times myself. i know how terrible anxiety can be. its devastating sad you said your husband is diabetic and you are panicking about him or your daughter leaving you.....but the flip side of the coin......what would happen if you left them? the pain for your daughter would be so very bad and your husband no doubt, would be hurting and maybe not care anymore. i know you are hurting Karen, but please dont do anything hasty. talk to someone asap. family, friends or Breathing Space / Samaritans. we all hurt my friend as i have days when i cant leave my flat for days. and i wont tell you it will get better, because that doesnt help. try an reach out so someone who can maybe help you and your family. stay strong x  
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  • Posted

    If I understand correctly what you are saying is that you would prefer to be dead, but as you do not appear to be very old at all you have been considering suicide.

    It is the absolute option of everyone to end their own lives lives, but I think what you need to seriously consider is the effect this would have on everyone that you would leave behind.

    For example the disasterous effect it could have on your husband's health not to mention his state of mind, and just what a lasting mark it would leave on your daughter.

    There is no easy way of putting this, but life isn't easy and if we just abondon it altogether, how would we have ever known if it will have worked out well in the end?

    Death is final, there is nothing at all to look forward and nothing to look back on.

    Life on the other hand is not easy, but where it exists there is always hope.

    So gather all your strength and courage and just do your best to cope with things as they are, because tomorrow is another day and life can improve.

      

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  • Posted

    Dear Karen, I am so sorry to hear about your current worries, and hope that you will talk to a therapist, get some meds, and take some time to focus on yourself. Only by allowing yourself to heal -- get rid of the anxiety -- can you help anyone else. It is too bad that your daughter has stomach cramps, but in addition to the testing, it might be that she needs to know you are going to be alright. I'm very familiar with your comment, "she doesn't deserve a mother like me," for I have said that very thing to myself many times. But that is getting dangerously close to suicidal thoughts, and your daughter needs you Alive. Whenever I realize I'm getting to that point, I know I need a change of medications. And whenever I try to stop my antidipressants, I completely lose any sense of joy in life. Please do get help. As they say, you have to put your own oxygen mask on first before you can save your loved ones. PS Worrying about your husband will not change the fact that he is a diabetic, and many individuals live for decades with this condition, so please don't take that one on yourself also.
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  • Posted

    Hello, I am so sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment.  I have been on anti depressants for 30 years for depression and anxiety.  I have felt just as you do, but for most of that time have lived alone.  You are worrying so much about other members of your family, and I can understand that.

    Don't say your daughter does not deserve a mother like you.  My daughter has supported me and says she finds it very hard to see me in deep depression, but that has made her want to train as a counsellor.  We think we are a burden, but I bet if we asked your daughter, she would say you are a great mum. 

    No please don't say you need to be out of this life.  What would they do without you?  They need you as much as you need them Karen.  When I took an overdose I still remember my daughter seeing me in hospital with tears streaming down her face. 

    I am sure you are not putting your family in danger.  You have to try and be strong for them.  I know it is hard, but think how they would feel if you took your own life.  It would affect them for ever.  Your daughter needs her mum and your husband needs his wife.

    I know you just want it all to go away, and I feel so very much for you.  Your daughter will tell you how much she loves you and needs you.  Can someone else go with  her to the doctor's appointments? 

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  • Posted

    Hello Karen, 

    I read your post and it's heartbreaking as I'm in a similar situation so I feel your pain. How are you doing now ? Have you tried probiotics and cleaning your diet and your daughters e.g no gluten dairy suger etc 

    i hope your feeling Bette 

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