Posted , 5 users are following.
Well, I don't really know how to start this so i'll just jump right in. I'm 15 years old. I've been struggling with depression since I was in 6th grade. I'm in 10th grade now. I know that at my age I probably shouldn't be dealing with a lot of depression and suicidal thoughts since I haven't experienced the "true struggles of life" but I really want to find help. I want therapy, I want to be happy. Though it is just so hard. I don't know how to tell my mom who is part of the problem of why I have depression, that I want therapy. I thought my guidance counselor at my highschool made that quite clear when she emailed my mom a list of therapist around my area when she saw my grades were falling tremendously and when I constantly told her "I feel sad all the time" when it's actually more than that.
-I feel a constant hatred towards myself for being such an unmotivated person.
-I hear voices in my own head telling me that they hate me and sometimes going as far as to telling me to kill myself
-I constantly cry a lot. Sometimes break down to the point where I ripped my hair out.
-I self harm, I used a razor blade and knife and carved up my thigh. Though I mostly jusr use a nail clipper and start picking at the skin around my finger nails and not letting my scars heal.
-I have 3 ways of comitting suicide.
-I hadn't attempted suicide which makes me feel like I'm faking depression like an "emo kid" as my friends like to call it
-I cry when someone raises there voice at me
I want help. I need help. I would love to just go a therapist and spill my heart out find out what's wrong with me. Though, I just can't build up the courage go to my mother and tell her that I need help, she would think I'm crazier than she already thinks at the moment. I also believe that therapist tell parents certain things about our sessions if the therapist believes there is a lot of things wrong, and I really don't want that. I don't want my mom to look at me a different way.
1 like, 5 replies