I need to kick out my 30yr old son

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Hi I'm in desperate need of advice I'm at my wits end with my son. He has just turned 30 and has been staying with me mostly all his adult life. He has an on going problem with drug taking all sorts if I'm honest going away at weekends coming home wasted clearly on what ever he can take ranging from vallium heroin to cocaine, he once was my best friend my little boy who was a kind caring individual worked all the hours then slowly he slipped into this horrible cycle I've helped him repeatedly to come of them which only ever lasts over a week the. He's back to the usual, I've gave him numerous chance after chance but to no avail .. I'm totally at my wits end with him I'm scared to throw him out I case he dies? It's always on my mind but at the same time I cannot live like this any longer trying to go to work each day and not knowing what I'm coming back to.. I'm hearing he owes people money and they are threatening to come to my house all sorts.. I have a partner as well which is causing so much rows and bad feeling as he says he can't sit back watching my son hurt me as he does.. How can I get the courage to put him out.. I really think until I do this he will never stop doing g what he is doing but I am so scared. Please help

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  • Posted

    My dearest, dearest holly.....

    I so feel for you, you must be totally at your wits end...

    I can so, so sympathise with you......I had a dreadful alcohol problem for very many years..I was sectioned 4 times into a mental hospital...near death for more times than I dare to remember, overdosed....self harmed ....I did the lot..and my family always stood by me....they never gave up on me....xxxx

    ON the other side....

    We have three adult sons who all have severe health problems....sections....suicide watch....self harming...running up massive debts.....on 24 hour watch so many times...we went...and nd still do have an awful lot of sheer stress...daily.....

    I truly understand the agony you are facing..and still will in the future.....are you getting any support from your GP.....drug service......community mental health service.....

    Support groups are also a big help, as it is people who really understand what you are going through .....

    There is ALWAYS HOPE that .your son will recover...I can see why you are scared of him being alone...mothers protect our children always......

    Please get some help for you both TODAY...tell your GP that you really CANNOT TAKE ANYMORE.....you round are in my heart and prayers lovey....keep your chin up lovely lady....xxxxxx dee xxxx

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  • Posted

    Our three adult sons live at home with us...and they always will....the house will be theirs also....we have been at breaking point, but we always come through it....

    Keep your chin up and never, ever lose hope....hugs. hugs huge warm hugs lovey...,dee...xxxxxxx

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  • Posted

    Hi Holly.

    What a terrible predicament for you, it's so very very sad to be in this horrible situation.

    I believe that addiction is a disease that know one will know how it feels until they go through it.

    The one thing that got me through was support from my family & friends but, having said that, my situation wasn't illegal drugs it was legal, prescription Oxycontin (Hillbilly Heroin). It was still heroin & the amount I took should have killed me!!

    My family got support from a drug charity that helped them try to understand how i was feeling etc, which helped them.

    I also don't believe an addict will seek real help until they truly want to be completely free from drugs & i also believe you have to hit rock bottom in order to want to do that.

    Your son does love you Holly, but when that craving hits, it's like you will die if you don't get anything. By the sound of things your son has been an addiction for sometime now, he maybe at the point every addict eventually comes too & that's taking any drug you can get your hands on to help you feel some kinda normal again & not to feel ill.

    He has probably been through withdrawals before, this really is the worst thing anyone can ever experience. You not only feel like you're gonna die, you also wanna die so the pain will stop. It's like REAL Flu but 10x worse, every part of your body aches like crazy, even your blood itches, it's the worst feeling in the world & i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

    Holly, please please please take Deirdres advice & get the help you need by firstly talking to your GP. Are you in the UK? If so i can put you in touch with a marvellous drug charity that helped me. & my family so so much.

    I really do hope you get the help you & your son needs Holly, you deserve to get as much help as you can get.

    God bless you & your family sweetheart


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    • Posted

      Hi thank you for your much appreciated help.. I have been through this with him for 6yrs now over and over he gets a job lasts a week or so then the drugs take hold I have threatened to throw him out numerous times but I never do every one in my family think I am a mug and he is taking me for a ride.. My partner has just fallen out with me for not being brave to put him out, I want to find the courage to do this as I think deep down hitting rock bottom is what's needed as its all been so easy for him to come back here and for me to put up with it.. So so sad right now as it is actually ruining my relationship with my much loved partner .. I fear if I throw him out he will get worse but I know this is what I should do from the heart but I'm scared 😞

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    • Posted

      Hi Holly

      It really is such a very very horrible situation for you to be in & it's all very well everyone telling you to kick him out but, he is your Son & it's you that has to do it, no one else.

      Where is his dad In all this??

      It's like you said he is like a total stranger & not the loving caring son he used to be.

      When you're an addict all you think about is your next fix or hit. When I was on all the pills all i could do was to watch the clock to see when I could take my next dose. It was the last thing I would think about before I went to bed & the first thing when I woke up. I didn't even know what opiates were till I had a problem with this drug! I trusted my GP!!!

      The drug Oxycontin is / was massive in USA, it was responsible for wiping a whole generation out in Kentucky through overdoses. Purdue Pharma the manufacturer have been fined a total of approx $640mil for lying to the FDA about how addictive the drug was.

      I never ever stole anything to get my drugs but I did lie a lot which I hated myself for, as I am one of the most honest people you will ever meet. I used to lie to my GP to get my prescription early as I had taken a months worth in 2wks at times & this is a controlled drug thats 2.5 x the strength of morphine that I was taking. In total I was on Oxycontin for 7yrs for degenerative discs in my lower back & it has totally destroyed my life Holly.

      I lost 2 jobs because of it. I was an Operations Manager on £50k per yr with a brand new Lexus on my drive. I have lost it all now, I live in a council flat on my own & struggle for money.

      It was only when I realised I'd had enough of all the side effects & being convinced this drug had done damage mentally to me that i went to a different GP to say I wanted help to come off. I tapered down to way below half what I was on no problems at all but then, I hit a brick wall & became very very depressed to the point where I was suicidal. The thought of my 2 teenage daughters kept me fighting. I've been off Oxy now for 7months but it's been the hardest time of my life.

      I am now part of a drug clinic I go to regular where I get my prescription for methadone. Methadone does nothing for me at all in terms of getting high, all it does is stop me getting Ill by not going through withdrawals.

      I'm still suffering mentally & wonder if I will ever be right again. I go for a brain scan on Sunday to have my Perturity gland checked as I haven't had a sex drive for 5yrs & im only 48!!

      My partner thought I had gone off her bless her, we're still together, just live apart as my ex kicked my daughter out & she lives with me (whole other story) i have low testosterone which was caused by all the opiates I took.

      I guess why I am telling you all this is that I was so close to being homeless myself & if it wasn't for my family I would have been. If that had happened I wouldn't be here now.

      There is support out there but he has to want it.

      Are you in the UK Holly?

      Good luck in whatever decision you make, it really is a horrible horrible situation to be in.

      God Bless


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  • Posted

    Hi hollies, what a lovely understanding reply from Ritchie.....

    As he so rightly said....being in the grip of an addiction is unbelievable.....

    You really do wake up every day filled with TERROR....HATE....AND DESPAIR....the cravings is sooooo overwhelming you could literally wrap your hair out !!!!

    Please, please get help today for yourself....and also your son....

    Don't ever lose hope, things can change, but you really -need to get help NOW, for the sake of both your futures.....

    I so wish you both well...I never ever ever imagined 16 years ago that I would be even capable of writing this post....let alone ACTUALLY BEING ALIVE.....TAKE CARE BOTH....XXXXXX

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  • Posted

    You need to make an ultimatum with him and be firm. If he refuses to abide by your rules then it is time to throw him out or try to get him in a rehabilitation program. I can understand your fears that if you throw him out, he will start spiralling with the drugs and other bad habits but do realize that he is a hedonist and addicted to escaping through drugs. There is likely nothing that is going to stop him until he goes through an extreme experience or has an intervention that changes the course of his life.

    Your son isn't a bad person and I believe he is hurting inside or just addicted to drugs; maybe both. I used to be addicted to benzodiazepines and I have never felt more helpless and not in control of my life. I lost a lot of face during that period of my life. Your son will get better.. Be firm, be strong. People who do drugs can be very manipulative.

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