I need to stop

Posted , 3 users are following.

iv been seeing a guy for just under a year. Things were going well, but then he made me doubt things. This isn't the first time it's happened. We call it off and then he comes back. However, I keep asking silly questions and overthinking, which is causing me to appear insecure and im really not. He's told me this is the last time form us to try. How do I go about this?

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  • Posted

    What exactly were you doubtful about, Kayleigh?
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  • Posted

    You need to ask yourself are wanting this person, sometimes when we have been dating for a long time we have doubts, if your feeling are caused by anxiety I can understand that. I do understand that you see to want this person, enjoy what you have and enjoy possibilities that may lie ahead

    Good Luck, stop worrying

    BOB

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  • Posted

    Did he cheat on you (to your knowledge) at any time, honey?

    Or is it the age-old the lady wants to commit and the guy doesn't  -  yet!

    What silly questions do you ask him? I have to say that you don't seem to trust him, although I may have picked that up wrong.

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  • Posted

    He hasn't cheated at all. We have an understanding, but it gets difficult because from time to time he ignores me. I know he's extremely busy with his job, I get that. I guess I over think and worry about the fact that he can't be bothered. I ask things like 'do you want to see me?' 'Are we cool?' It shows insecurities. I know that. I'm just wondering what advice you would give?

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  • Posted

    Sorry - i meant discuss this FURTHER. And added a picture of one of my cats to cheer you up, although it may not have done..............
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  • Posted

    Sorry....I didn't see it! I'm sure it would have done though ?? Trust.... I think it boils down to previous hurt... I guess I just need to take a step back and take it as it comes. If I worry too much it will succumb me and that's not right. I need to live my life in the moment.

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  • Posted

    I wrote you a very long reply, but it refused to post!

    Okay, so you would like a long-term relationship and possible marriage? with this guy.

    If he has a very busy job, he won't be thrilled to get texts and calls from you throughout the day, seeking reassurance.

    But perhaps you're NOT doing that. Maybe it's just verbal communication which shows you to appear insecure, which is bothering him.

    Men do NOT like to be chased. So my advice is to cool it, appear confident, don't over-think and DON'T walk him past shops containing engagement rings.

    Lighten up. He has told you this is your 'last chance', so don't blow it if you feel he's Mr. Right.

    He could be Mr. Wrong, of course, but for the purposes of this conversation you see a future with him. Be strong. Stop with the silly questions ( who said they were sily, anyway? He or you?)

    I wonder if you would tell me your respective ages. That might be significant. And what work do you do? Do you feel that his work is more important than yours?

    And try to figure out where the insecurities came from - a previous bad relationship?

    Do please reply if you would like to talk about this further.

    My love to you. xx Tess

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    • Posted

      You're right! He's a doctor. So his job is pretty busy. I work in a medical library, so it has its ups and downs. No there's no future. I guess we're just enjoying one another at the moment. I'm not sure if I need to actually call it a day or not. I have tried to be cool. I don't need to chase him, men do like the chase in women. I know that. For the next few days, I'm going to be focusing on myself.

      From past relationships, guys have lied, ignored me, been idiots and that is why, I guess, I feel the same is happening. I have no idea. I'm going to give him until Friday to get in touch and if I hear nothing, it's over.

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    • Posted

      All power to you, Kayleigh!

      Let me know what happens - you know how nosey women are about other people's relationships.

      Or just let me know how you're feeling, if you need support.

      love Tess xx

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    • Posted

      Thank you ever so much. I will let you know. I am after support and advice too. I know what I need to do. I need to take it as it comes, not be so silly and get caught up in things. After all, it is a casual fling. But things get mixed up between us. He's very complimentary and we talk about other things. I know it's not attractive to come across as insecure, or be full on. I need to control that. How do I do it?

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    • Posted

      I'm not overly insecure, but I've had my demons in the past. I think dealing a lot as a child has caught up on me. I've had a lot of surgery, I'm fine, but I guess it's my way of trying to overcome it. I think CBT would help too. I've touched on it when I did my degree, so I know the compounds of it. I'm going to see if my GP can refer me to someone. Other than that, I think seeking other hobbies may help and just start taking things for what they are than looking at the bigger picture. I have my head screwed on, it's just now and again my thoughts run away and get the better of me. I need to control it.

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