I no longer feel anything any feedback

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A lot of you may be aware of my situation but ill just tell my story and maybe someone has thiughts or has ever felt like this.

I first had depression in 2009 it hit me out of the blue. 2 year before i left the father of my 3 boys who were 6 7 and 10. I mived in with my parents for 2 years before getting a house. This is when the depression started probably situational through realising i had to raise my children alone and deal with bills for the first time in my life. I ended up with really bad chronic fatigue on top of this and was in a bad place but had brilliant support from my mum. After a few differnt ads found an old trycilic worked for me and after 2 years i felt in a better place and managed to get myself a part time job which i am still employed at.

In dec 2014 my mum took unwell suddenly and by march she was dead. We never made it to the hospital in time and were not prepared for being told she was gone.

I felt i was coping well got through the funeral and carried on with life work etc and in july i had 2 weeks off. On the last day of my holiday it was my sons 18th birthday and almost as suddenly as the first time i had a breakdown all the feelings of wanting to die were back again. I was signed off work and my ads were increased but by november i was really really bad hadnt eaten for 3 weeks felt really suicidal and ast my sister to call for the doctor. She decided that i needed to be put on mirtazapine 15mg so i was to slowly come off my old one along with taking the mirtazapine. It really was a miracle drug in that almost the next day i was able to eat again. I managed back to work in january last year but i always felt very dizzy and really disatatched from reality. I wnet up as far as 30mg but that dose made me have panic attacks so settled on 22.5mg but still having dizzy spells doctors said to stick at 15mg. I did this but was staring to have awful stomach issues as o have severe ibs so the doctor decided to see if the mirtazipine was the cause to come off them. I went down to 7.5mg for a couple of weeks and then just came off like she advised and the plan was to then try me bad on my old ad. This was in july. The first couple of weeks i felt a little better apart from this niglling stomach issues but by 3 weeks i was taken to hospital in horrendous pain and dehydrated. I spent a week in with all sorts of tests scans but they couldnt find anything other than severe ibs so was sent home in the same paiin as i went in. Several visits from doctor even trying different ads all of which i was super sensitive to a last resort o was put back on 15mg of the mirt this was august but my stomach issues are as bad as beforw again and i have severe pins and needles which come 5am in the morning im delerious. Every morning i feel like im in all i can describe as someone elses body. I feel like im a robot. I feel nothing. All i have is pain anxiety. Im a recluse the pain and anxiety have made me scared to leave the house. I honestly feel like i do not want to live with this feelings anymore. I have no quality of life. I exist thats it. I sit in the house all day either in pain or going through the motions. I feel in my gut that the mirtazapine is the cause of all this because around 5 to 6 hours after taking it thats when i feel the worst i awaken with the horrible tonglimg all over and racing horrible thoughts of being and feeling nothing are all thats in my mind. I get up and everything i do is robotic. The doctor wanted to add trazodone but i did a drug interaction and it said major. I dont want to be sedated anymore by adding this. Im so at a loss i just dont feel anything anymore and all thats in my mind is i cant go on like this anymore. Ive been off work again now since october and feel ill never be fit enough to go back. I have no money and get no sick pay as dont earn enough so existing on tax credits. I feel like a failure and a nusiance. I feel like the doctors are sick of me.

Im so sorry for the long rant but i really dont know what to do anymore because i cant deal with the pain and the feeling im no longer me anymore

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  • Posted

    So sorry you are feeling so awful. I don't know if my experience can help, but I'll tell you what I went through. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder with psychosis in the summer of 2015. I had never suffered from clinical depression before so my doctor started me on a low dose ad. When he realized how severe my condition was he started me on venlafaxine and mirtazapine. At first it didn't seem to help and my family made me go to the hospital emergency ward. A psychiatrist finally saw me and committed me for 8 days so he could monitor me while he found the meds that would help my treatment resistant depression. I have been taking 300 mg venlafaxine and 15 mg mirtazapine since July 2015. I'm happier and sleeping better uears I have on years. Go to your doctor or medical clinic and tell them what you have been going through. You have a right to be happy and enjoy life again. Please let me know how you are doing. You can always talk to others who understand on this site.

    Take care,

    Phyllis

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    • Posted

      Hi phyllis

      Thanks. I have an app at 1.30 but its just with a locum doctor. Im sitting here my whole body buzzing with pins and needles and feel so drowsy and dizzy. I saw a psych doctor back in jan as a one off but because i was fine that day she questioned if i needed ads. She said i was super sensitive to anti depressents and venlafaxine was definatly one she would not put me on. She suggested i come off mirt straight away from when i get to 7 5mg and have a complete wash out month on nothing. But if im so depressed and like i am already on one what will i be like withdrawing and being on nothing. She said to use diazepam to help but that stuff knocks me stupid even half of the lowest dose. I am thinking about not taking the mirt tonight and taking a diazepam just to see what i feel like without the mirt

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    • Posted

      Let me know how you make out. There are so many meds now that hopefully you will find something that will help.

      Take care,

      Phyllis

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  • Posted

    Please anyone elses input or anyone else similar experience on mirtazapine. My doctor just seems to think that either go up to 30mg! Or come straight off.
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    • Posted

      Hi Kelly,

      This is my experience for what it's worth-I had my 3rd episode of major depressive disorder this past fall-mine always manifests itself as extreme anxiety. I couldn't sleep or eat for a month & lost 20 lbs. My doc started me on 15 mg Mirtazapine, then up to 30 but only partial relief so added venlafaxine 75mg, then up to 150. It took about 3-4 weeks but I feel great every day now when I was almost had lost all hope before. I also take trazadone 100 mg at night. I'm super extra sensitive to medicine also but once the meds kicked in, the side effects that seemed so unbearable before seem like nothing now. I'm truly amazed that the combo of Mirtazapine and venlafaxine works so well for me as I'm usually so sensitive and intolerant of every medication. It did take time and patience though-about 3-4 weeks.

      If you have been taking Mirtazapine since August I would not skip a dose tonight. Instead taper Mirtazapine down slowly to avoid withdrawal if your goal is to come off it completely.

      Do your research, listen to your doctor and stick to a plan! You will feel better! Please let us know how your doing!

      Lisa

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    • Posted

      Thanks

      Just back and i have to come iff the mirt. I have to take one on alternate nights for a week then stop and go straight onto lofepromine starting one a day for 2 weeks then 2 a day. I can use diazepam on the nights i dont take mirt or for any withdrawls or startup problems. Let the fun begin again

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