i now have a phobia of showing my face (even in public)
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hi, im an 18 year old female who struggles with extremely bad anxiety. due to this, its nearly impossible for me to make friends in real life. i cant bring myself to talk to people in real life. even if i try, words dont come out my mouth or if by chance they do come out, they end up coming out all choked up. im extremely lonely so usually i try making friends online. im better at talking to people online (texting people at least, i still have extreme anxiety when it comes to calling others).
when you talk to people online, obviously they dont know what you look like. so they usually ask what you look like. whether that be right away or after a while, it nearly ALWAYS happens. i have a horrible experience with this type of thing. every time i show someone what i look like, i either get blocked or unadded or worst of all ghosted for a while until they finally unadd or block me (they do this one to make it seem as if the blocking had nothing to do with my face reveal, but im not stupid). ive been called ugly and ive been laughed at too. this is by the people who have claimed to be my friends, mind u. even if we were friends for months, it still happens. i guess nobody wants to be friends with an ugly person. people might say that these folks had "different" motives, like they were looking for people to date or something. that isnt true but even if it is, that doesnt make me feel any better. it doesnt change the fact that they think im ugly. it doesnt change the fact that i AM ugly.
this whole thing has made me extremely untrusting of literally everyone. since i cant talk to people in real life, i end up falling for people online. but i cant even hold a relationship with these people because of the fear of them finally meeting me in real life and thinking im fat n ugly then breaking up with me (even though ive showed a pic of myself to them before this fear of showing my face, people look different in real life and it now scares me)
i was already awfully insecure about everything about myself. my hair, my body, my face, even my personality. u name it and i probably struggle with it. but since this has constantly been happening, it has made me even more insecure than ever. i am scared to even show my face in public. i always wear a mask every time i go outside. if i dont have a mask i either freak out or try to keep my hand over my face. covid exists, so people dont question why im wearing it. they think im just a very health cautious person. if i didnt have to wear a mask, i wouldnt (not an anti-masker or anything like that, they just make me kinda sweaty i guess) but i am to the point where i dont want anyone to ever see me again. i know im ugly, if i wasnt then this wouldnt be happening to me. this happens nearly everytime. im even hesitant to show my face to family members that arent my dad n sister (they live with me) for fear that theyll reference how they havent seen me in a while and that i USED to be pretty. or talk about how ive gotten fat n my clothes dont fit right or that i need to take care of my hair better, etc. i dont know what to do, will i be stuck wearing a mask forever???
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jan34534 beware
Edited
I am really sorry that you are going through this. The people that you are encountering sound extremely immature and especially in your age group there are so many that are that way who all they do is sit around and judge other people. also as to the people in public that you don’t know, you really don’t know what they’re thinking. You might think that they judge you as being unattractive but you really don’t know that. remember that our mind in our thoughts can sometimes be our worst enemy. Sometimes we can be so down on ourselves that we think nobody would want to be our friend when in fact that’s not true at all. There are actually a lot of kind and often lonely people out there in the world Ithat would love to be your friend. But you have to believe that. Some places are better to go to make friends than others. For instance, there are churches that have people your age and that are really kind people who welcome anybody with open arms.
also look for volunteer opportunities. people involved in that are very often super nice and they are very giving people who welcome others.
people who are a little older than yourself are often more mature than your age group and less judge mental.
I really think you could benefit from some counseling. A counselor could help you manage this. Through counseling, I learned how not to care what other people thought. I had A crippling shyness. It was awful. Combine that with anxiety and I was a mess! I found counseling to be such a huge benefit to me.
I also learned to get out of my head . just stop overthinking things that are not based on reality or fact.
. I learned that what I was thinking was not necessarily true. I thought I knew what other people were thinking about me. How could I possibly know that? And then I got to the point where I just didn’t care. I knew that I deserved to live my life and I knew that I would find some good friends which I did.
YOU Deserve good things in life. You are a unique individual who is just is deserving as anybody else.
No you don’t have to walk around with a mask on the rest of your life. You don’t deserve that you deserve a lot better. This is why I think the best thing you can do is get some support through counseling. You can even do it virtually which is what I do and it works great.
you have put a label on yourself which needs to come off! Don’t box yourself in. Everybody else is living their life and so should you. Life is too short and if you hide the only one that you are hurting is yourself. I realized that no matter what I was thinking about myself, nobody else really cared. Like I said they are all living their lives so why should I waste my life find out enjoying it?
once you get some support and find the right friends, you can live a joy filled happy life! talk to a counselor and really consider at some point getting involved in something that builds people up such as a good church, volunteer opportunity, something that helps other people. Taking one step at a time. You are needed. You have gifts and talents that you can share with other people. I know right now you’re not feeling good about yourself, but you can absolutely begin to do that!
when I was feeling my lowest, I heard a saying from a counselor.....
"Give Away What You Dont Have" in other words, when you lack self-esteem or you lack friends or anything else, give that to somebody else who needs it. when you help other people and give away what you actually need, you are also helping yourself in the process. It’s such a great feeling to help somebody else and it gives you a sense of purpose and you feel better about yourself! That’s where any type of volunteering comes in like at a church. Or you can just help anybody else that you know needs help. it could be a little old lady down the street who needs company for a half hour because she’s always alone. Or things like that. these groups and people are not judgemental of others like you are finding online etc. you will find in time that it’s actually making changes within yourself for the good! I hope this helps a little. Take care of you!! ❤
sasical72 jan34534
Edited
Jan I think I have said this in the past but just in case I didn't I will say it again.
You always write such lovely, warm, useful and empathetic answers. I don't know if you are a counselor yourself, but if not, have you considered it?
sasical72 beware
Posted
Beware, I read your post and was going to reply but then I read Jan's answer to you and there is not much else I can add to that. I second every word she says. If you can follow her advice I am sure that things will improve for you.
You are at an age that is most definitely not easy but I can guarantee that if you are prepared to put a little work into it, taking those steps that Jan suggested, things will get better.
I wish you all the very best!!