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I really don't know anymore...

Posted , 4 users are following.

XoMonkey
XoMonkey

I have had depression and anxiety for 6 years I'm now 17. All in that time self harm, abuse from a loved one, death of family members and a few months back an overdose. Ever since that, I've felt the lowest I have in my life. I got changed from 20mg fluoxetine to sertraline. I'm now on 150mg sertraline and I don't think it's even making a difference anymore. I know for a fact weather affects my mood, but it isn't the main cause. I got so low that not only do I visualise suicide but starting to plan it..It's not something I will plan in a few days etc but if I were to have a meltdown then it could happen. I'm currently in therapy and under mental health team and trying to do their strategies but I don't have the strength anymore. I think day by day I'm loosing that little bit of will to live. It's like I have to do something to actually have proper help like medication increase etc i just don't know what to do anymore.. why is mental illness so evil..

3 likes, 13 replies

13 Replies

  • Patient
    Patient XoMonkey

    Posted

    Hi XoMonkey

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    Kindest regards

    Patient

  • stephie2
    stephie2 XoMonkey

    Posted

    Hi there

    If you feel no different then you need to contact your Community Mental Health Team and ask them for a medication review.  Tell them how you feel and your concerns regarding the medication that you are on.  If you reach a crisis then go straight to A&E or to your GP. 

    You have to fight the urge to give in.  Everyday is a challenge even more so for mental health sufferers.  With the right help and support you can make it though and live a happy life but it will take all the last bit of strength that you have.  Don't give in smile

  • jean62175
    jean62175 XoMonkey

    Posted

    Hi.  Here am I at 60 and you at 17 and my heart goes out to you with all you have been through.  But you know what, you are stronger than you think, look at all you have been through & still battling on.  You say you are in therapy, so am I, what I've found out about myself is it's hard to say exactly how I'm feeling or worse the thoughts that go through my head, my life is and has been of "what if's". So please contact a helpline and open up to your therapist.  good on you for coming on here, there are some great people on this site who have helped me so much as to be honest I thought I was the only one with anxiety & all the crap that goes with that.  I'm doing CBT at the minute, I've cried buckets, but it's such a relief to say out loud what's rattling around in your head, so please talk to someone, anyone, us,whoever & ive often said to myself there are so many people in the graveyard who would swap with me & YOU and fought so hard to stay alive so don't waste yours.  I will be thinking of you and as of today decide to tell your bad thoughts to take a hike.  ??

     

  • gr8fulwoman
    gr8fulwoman XoMonkey

    Posted

    I hear you. My prayer is that you will find it deep within yourself to have hope. You have had a tough life and a life that NO ONE DESERVES. You are young and have the rest of your life ahead of you. I know exactly what you are saying, just begging you to hang on.

    YOU MATTER. 

  • XoMonkey
    XoMonkey

    Posted

    Thank you so much all. I wasnt sure whether this was posted and only just saw it now. Since writing this I got admitted twice. I'm still hanging on, though. Again, thanks for all of your kind comments.

  • gr8fulwoman
    gr8fulwoman XoMonkey

    Posted

    I know it is, honey. But you have a lot to live for. You just need to get your medications sorted out and find good people to talk to, who can raise you up. 
    • XoMonkey
      XoMonkey gr8fulwoman

      Posted

      Thank you. Yeah I do need new meds. I've begged professionals to the point of tears and screams and yet I still have t wait a few days and they might not even change them so feel a bit eh. Thanks for your kind words

  • stephie2
    stephie2 XoMonkey

    Posted

    Keep going and stay strong.  It will get better with the right help and support.  You have lots to live for and once you feel better you will be able to look forward to a bright future smile  If you feel down then come post in here, we are all here for you
  • XoMonkey
    XoMonkey

    Posted

    Hi guys. I know it's been a few days but things are starting to look slightly better! I've been prescribed new antidepressants! One I will be starting next Wednesday with a crossover from sertraline, and another for when things get really bad. Citalopram and risperidone. I'm also going to a restbite center next week so I'm finally feeling relieved. Thanks for all your support guys. x

  • gr8fulwoman
    gr8fulwoman XoMonkey

    Posted

    So glad you are getting the help that you need and deserve. Wonderful !!

    Keep us posted as to how you are doing.

     

  • stephie2
    stephie2 XoMonkey

    Posted

    That is great news smile  Well done you and keep positive
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