I really hate myself

Posted , 3 users are following.

This has just hit me again reason I don't know, everytime I shut my eyes I see me stabbing myself. I've even got the scissors out, I'm crying got music playing to try and distract me. I've already cut DIE into my stomach. This all sounds so stupid when I start typing it or even saying it out loud. I;m scared of going out, feel sick going to take some diazepam I just really hate myself at the moment especially when I am feeling like this. I was ok early on today.....what keeps going wrong???

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    If you are frightened about what you might do, you need to get some help. Mental Health crisis team, or on-call doctor, or phone the Samaritans. Do you have a friend or family member you can contact.
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    • Posted

      I feel so stupid saying this stuff out loud, I've hung up on the mental health contact I've got, I'll be advised to go out for a walk and take diazepam, I've taken 5mg already. Just won't have to shut my eyes until these visions go away or just take more diazepam with my mirtazapine then I will go to sleep until another day or even have a drink to wash it all down and stuff the consequences. I'm afraid that's how I feel at the moment. Thankyou for answering, I sometimes find it helpful just typing these things down it gets it out of my system, majority of the time.
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  • Posted

    hi Tina, 

    i hope that you are doing ok. Did you manage to get some advice.

    i wanted you to know that sometimes those thoughts are all about lack of control and anxiety and the sheer frustration that you don't know where to turn.

    please try and stay strong and keep asking for support

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    • Posted

      Hi Lorraine

      Thanks for asking tons has happened over the last week and a bit. Won't go into detail, it's in amongst my discussions. I have been referred by my cpn for further analysis of Bpd or adjustment disorder. So waiting for that appointment. Not in a great frame of mind either but keep plodding on.

      Hope your doing ok. X

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