I really need help. Am I going crazy?
Posted , 5 users are following.
So my dad has been a very angry man. So I'm going to get down to the story. Basically my dad has been married 3 times. He's still married to my step mum. Anyway my dad is one of the most loveliest people. However he can change. He screams and can just flip. Like once me and my step mum got in an argument and she went sometimes I wanth to hit you. But she was joking and I went I would just hit you back. Suddenly my dad came racing up the stairs and put his hand round my neck so I was against my bathroom wall and said. If you dare so anything like that again I will kick you out. Considering this was a year and half ago when I was 13/14. He doesn't care.
My older brother is gay. So my dad told him to go put one of my dresses on. Which is wrong right?
My step mum comes and cries to me when dads shouted at her.
You know when you're younger and you can remember little things anyway. When me and brother and my dad use to live with my real mum (his second wife) I can remember my mum on the floor screaming. Like it wouldn't surprise me if he did hit her. Anyway they got divorced and my mum had no money to look after us so we had to go with my dad. But it turns out my dad cheated on my real mum with my step mum. Except my step mum didn't know.
It's like my dad hasaid bipolar disorder. It really has bad affects on me. All I want to do is cry and sit in my bedroom with the dark off.
Also my dad shouts and gets really angry at my younger siblings (they're is kids with my step mum). He will scream and it's no surprise that they're scared of him. It's like a nighmare except its never ending.
When I was younger 5-9 I didn't like milk and I still don't now. But he would make me drink milk. One time I said I didn't want it and he made me sit outside in the rain to eat my cereal.
I use to get counselling because I would get angry this was mainly because I never see my real mum ( I see her once a month from friday afternoon till Sunday afternoon) they promised when they divorced that they would meet half way. But he never kept to that promise. He makes my mum drive 3 and half hours from her house to pick us up and then back again. Then she will have to do that all again on the Sunday.
People say to me like my best friends mum that I should tell him but he's scary. I'm petrified of him. If I come back from a friends house I'm scared I am in trouble. If I come back from mums or school, I'm scared I am in trouble. If dad or step mum don't put kisses on the end of text (xx) I'm scared I am in trouble. People always wonder why I'm such an anxious person. But I can't just go oh yeah my dad's a monster. Because that would make it so much worse. It's like he has a split personality if you'very read 'Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.' He's just like that.
I just want to know if I'm doing stuff wrong. There's a lot more stuff but this would be like a book by the end of it.
Sorry this went on a long time. But please help.
I am a 15 year old girl. Thank you if you've read. Sorry if I've miss spelt stuff I was doing this in a hurry.
3 likes, 3 replies
kelly55079 annieashley2002
Posted
I'm so sorry.. It sounds horrible and I feel sad for your siblings. There has to be someone to help you. Are you still seeing your therapist? If your not, I would suggest you ask to go again! There should be someone that your mum can call to assist in getting your dad to help out with the drive!! Or even to move in with her!!
gr8fulwoman annieashley2002
Posted
Although I am a LOT older than you, probably old enough to be your grandma, I relate to your story. Though my
parents stayed together, my Dad was bipolar too, and the whole family walked on eggshells around him. Some days he was funny and happy and amazing. Other days he was dark and angry, volatile. He has choked me up against a wall too.
Your father has mental illness. I can understand your anxiety around it. You don't want to get him mad. You don't want to be the reason for his inappropriate anger. My opinion is to stay out of your mom and his business. I am sorry that your mom has to drive so far to get you kids but that is not your fault . That is between your mom and your dad. Why did your Dad get custody and your Mom didn't?
Like you, I have a ton of stories about my Dad's bad behavior. When he died I was relieved, to be quite honest.
But I also know that he loved me and he did the best he could.
Don't let anyone who has no experience with a bipolar parent offer you advice. They don't know what they are talking about. You are doing nothing wrong. When you are older you will make a life of your own and you will be happier. I know that I am.
stephie2 annieashley2002
Posted
Hi Annieashley
This most certainly is not your fault. The problem is entirely with your father. He sounds like he has some mental health issues or failing that is a big bully!
You really need to think about yourself and your siblings. Please talk to someone at school who may be able to get you some help. Don't ignore this as it could get worse. What your dad is doing is nothing short of abuse. He is making yourself a living hell and to ridicule your brother for being gay is very low too.
I would urge you to get some help for your family before it progresses to physical abuse too!