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i seek help

Posted , 4 users are following.

anonymousjohn
anonymousjohn

Hmm, hi.., i dont really want anyone knowing who i am since i dont feel safe giving my information out, i'm almost 22 and i suffer with something that i dont understand, and has been going on for a long while now.. for about 4years, and i dont no how to explain it, i just feel zoned out from the world?, i'm very paranoid to the extent.. if i go outside i think i'm being watched or followed, i'm nervous around the remaining friends i have left, and they've been around since i was 13ish and close with, but i dont show any emotion or tell anyone how i feel or what i've been going through so no one has clicked on, but it started when my brother was killed 5years ago, i struggled and watched my family struggle, and it was hard. and after he passed away, i tried focusing on life on what path i should go but i never go through with anything because i dont feel right, and i can be really violent to the extent where i'll hit my friends (hence the remaining) because i dont trust anyone, and i'm not a violent person but everyday life is hard for me, i overthink literally everything that i do/say, i see the worst of every single situation i've been in and made it worse, i dont feel like i can communicate with anyone it just seems hard to do so?, and every argument leads to me hurting people and i can't help it.. alcohol for one makes me worse, so i've been off it for a long while but its just made me paranoid about touching alcohol and what i'll do if i drink so i stay away, but i just dont know how to explain anything? just feels like i've lost it completely?, little things like eating/drinking, i overthink that much i struggle to eat/drink because what im thinking, i have these blackouts when i get angry where i dont even remember what ive done, and that really scares me because i dont want to hurt anyone.. has i'm writing this i'm trying to find the right words to describe but it just seems not enough?, but on a day to day basis, i wont talk to anyone because i'm anxious about talking to them i dunno why, and i can't look at someone when i'm trying to talk to them because i mix my words up and start stressing myself out, i just dont feel right anymore. and i dont know how to tell people or talk to someone about it because i dont even know whats wrong with me?, it just seems easier what goes through my head to stop it all but i can't do that to my family, and i feel like i'm just crumbling away from everyone and everything.. what should i do because i've finally had enough of feeling like i'm crazy or some sort of weirdo? rolleyes 

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  • francesca45319
    francesca45319 anonymousjohn

    Posted

    Hello,

    I'm so sorry you are going through such a difficult time especially losing your brother..

    I'm not an expert but you say these problems started after you lost your brother so I would suggest that what you are experiencing is some kind of anxiety and distress around bereavement and loss. Everyone processes bereavement differently and in my own experience anxiety, anger and fear was a big one for me.

    It was obviously a big shock to loss your brother and very upsetting. Destabilising your world.

    You need some professional help dealing with this event and the associated anxiety and difficult feelings. I would talk to your family and visit your gp as well.

    Take care.

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    • anonymousjohn
      anonymousjohn francesca45319

      Posted

      Thank you, i just needed someone's advise because i'm not the type of person to talk about my feelings or thoughts, i find it really hard you no? espeically with my familly, i dont like putting pressure on my parents at all and i know its been a few years now.. my mum just seems weaker and i dont want to upset her with my head and what is going on
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  • bonnie21356
    bonnie21356 anonymousjohn

    Posted

    Hello. You have been through too much at such a young age. Have you had therapy to help deal with what happened to your brother? Hopefully your whole family has. That is not something we can handle by ourselves. A lot of what you describe sounds like anxiety. Has your GP prescribed any medications for you? What I am wondering about is the blackouts, and anger to the point of hurting others. You say you do not want to hurt them. So this means you have no control over it? Please seek out medical help! We are here to talk to, and not judge you in any way. We all handle things in different ways. But please know you are not alone. You are not crazy. Our bodies and minds react in a way we do not want when we are overloaded with stress. Therapy can help you to relieve some of that stress, and also help you get your feet back on the ground. I have had anxiety for 40 years. I have lived without much anxiety for the most part. But I can tell each event in my life that threw me back into it. I don't like it. But it happens. You need to find a way to find things that please you, or make you smile. Even if it is a song. And talk. Get your feelings out. Even if on here. We will talk to you. smile
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    • anonymousjohn
      anonymousjohn bonnie21356

      Posted

      hmm.. i did once go to a meeting i think you call them?, for grieving family members, and i had these two women who worked there tried telling me it was all in my head and stuff.. and how they worded it really upset me so i stormed off and kept away from everything.. i think i were only 17, and nope. i dont talk to literally anyone, i hide away from everyone and talk to nobody, i rarely see my gp or talk to him, and yeah.. when i get angry i have to keep calm and just close my eyes and breathe slowly and just keep chilled because i get angry i struggle calming down, and when someone pushes me to lose it, i dont remember anything i did, and thats what scares me because i dont want to hurt anyone for my head doing the opposite what i wanted, i'm not a violent person but my anger isnt me.. rolleyes 
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    • jmcg2014
      jmcg2014 anonymousjohn

      Posted

      As everyone has said, professional therapy is the way to go, but only if your open to it. If you don't want to open up and be honest with a therapist then there's no point at all. But if you do then it can help a lot
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    • bonnie21356
      bonnie21356 anonymousjohn

      Posted

      Well, I will admit, not all therapists know what they are doing. I have been to several. It is not easy to find one that fits you. But don't give up!! Keep looking. It is not all in your head. It is also in your heart. That has been broken in a way not many understand. I think the bigger the persons heart, the more they are bothered by stressful situations. We feel more than others in every way. So the trick is to learn to process those feelings and thoughts into a positive way. You seem to be stuck in the anger and pain of grief. I understand that very well. But for you to regain some sort of normalcy in your life, you will have to get past that. And your mum has gone through what no parent should. It is not the order of things to lose a child. She needs you now more than ever. Even if it is just a phone call to tell her you love her. One of the things that helps me, is watching inspirational movies. It has made me think, "would my loved one want me to live like this? Is this the memory they left for me?" When you get in those bouts of anger, it helps to beat the tar out of a pillow. Yelling and screaming at it, as if it is all that pillows fault. Then you have vented without hurting anyone. You may have stuffing everywhere, but it is easily replaced wink
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