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Hmm, hi.., i dont really want anyone knowing who i am since i dont feel safe giving my information out, i'm almost 22 and i suffer with something that i dont understand, and has been going on for a long while now.. for about 4years, and i dont no how to explain it, i just feel zoned out from the world?, i'm very paranoid to the extent.. if i go outside i think i'm being watched or followed, i'm nervous around the remaining friends i have left, and they've been around since i was 13ish and close with, but i dont show any emotion or tell anyone how i feel or what i've been going through so no one has clicked on, but it started when my brother was killed 5years ago, i struggled and watched my family struggle, and it was hard. and after he passed away, i tried focusing on life on what path i should go but i never go through with anything because i dont feel right, and i can be really violent to the extent where i'll hit my friends (hence the remaining) because i dont trust anyone, and i'm not a violent person but everyday life is hard for me, i overthink literally everything that i do/say, i see the worst of every single situation i've been in and made it worse, i dont feel like i can communicate with anyone it just seems hard to do so?, and every argument leads to me hurting people and i can't help it.. alcohol for one makes me worse, so i've been off it for a long while but its just made me paranoid about touching alcohol and what i'll do if i drink so i stay away, but i just dont know how to explain anything? just feels like i've lost it completely?, little things like eating/drinking, i overthink that much i struggle to eat/drink because what im thinking, i have these blackouts when i get angry where i dont even remember what ive done, and that really scares me because i dont want to hurt anyone.. has i'm writing this i'm trying to find the right words to describe but it just seems not enough?, but on a day to day basis, i wont talk to anyone because i'm anxious about talking to them i dunno why, and i can't look at someone when i'm trying to talk to them because i mix my words up and start stressing myself out, i just dont feel right anymore. and i dont know how to tell people or talk to someone about it because i dont even know whats wrong with me?, it just seems easier what goes through my head to stop it all but i can't do that to my family, and i feel like i'm just crumbling away from everyone and everything.. what should i do because i've finally had enough of feeling like i'm crazy or some sort of weirdo?
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francesca45319 anonymousjohn
Posted
I'm so sorry you are going through such a difficult time especially losing your brother..
I'm not an expert but you say these problems started after you lost your brother so I would suggest that what you are experiencing is some kind of anxiety and distress around bereavement and loss. Everyone processes bereavement differently and in my own experience anxiety, anger and fear was a big one for me.
It was obviously a big shock to loss your brother and very upsetting. Destabilising your world.
You need some professional help dealing with this event and the associated anxiety and difficult feelings. I would talk to your family and visit your gp as well.
Take care.
anonymousjohn francesca45319
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bonnie21356 anonymousjohn
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anonymousjohn bonnie21356
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jmcg2014 anonymousjohn
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bonnie21356 anonymousjohn
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