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As I lay here hiding crying behind my bedroom door, my two young children are downstairs playing I can hear their laughter & chat, inside I want to run downstairs scoop the 3 of us & take us somewhere far far away I envision a cliff all the time & us going over it. I feel wretched ashamed ungrateful guilty dirty wild pathetic worthless piece of s**t with just deep deep pain around my heart, it squeezes so tight & makes my tears fall relentlessly. I hate myself for feeling I don’t know what to do. I am strong I’m sick of being strong I don’t want to be me I want to be a happy healthy mum who smiles instead of cries, I’m praying for answers I’m on everything, I do everything that suggested by professionals family friends & still I remain like a dead person living is the answer to just be dead?
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