I stopped drinking things were good but now im deteriorating again.

Please forgive any spelling errors as im cureantly cognitivly impaired and sleep deprived, for context im an alcoholic and have been drinking since I was 18 on and off I was physically dependent and self medicating and have had 4 detoxes to date. In the proceeding months this year my drinking really degenerated, 13-15 cans of cider or beer daily with only 1 meal and as far as medication I took thiamine as most alcoholics do. I started getting symptoms such as insomnia (which meant 24-36 hour alcohol binges), breathlessness and sleep apnea, deeply disturbed sleep and awakings i cant even put into words, pins and needles, pain and numbness in my back, neck, limbs, chest and sometimes head which felt like a very constricted heavy feeling like poor circulation and a pain in my foot (same feeling but much worse). I know when drinking goes to far and its time to stop or die and in honesty I could feel the malnurtion coming but these symptoms were new to me and i believed they were related to smoking as i gained an intolarence to it for some reason and everytime i smoked (25-35 a day idk) those symptoms paticularly the breathlessness and that horrible numb feeling in my body came on. I seeked help from a gp who got me connected with local drug sevices and a blood specialist as it turned out i had a high red blood cell count.

Now fast foward to 3 weeks ago things were beyond worse the pain in my foot became the pain in my legs and ankles too, I would constantly gasp for air frantically and was so breathless i routinly sat infront of a pedestal fan to feel more oxygenated, and whats worse I started cognitivitly deteriorating, memory loss, loopy thoughts, inablility to understand and process information (temporary phase but i was generally slow and by this point not myself) very confusing dementia like phases spending hours trying to write my symptoms down (to show a doctor) and failing, a feeling of intense restlessness, anxiety and apathy all i did everyday was walk around the house and chew pillows (i have aspergers i was stimming i guess) and my executive functioning skills were barely managable , the insomnia was bad i stupidly took some diazapam ome morning to give myself a break from the alcohol (not my diazapam) for the sake of survival, I had to cut down on smoking to prevent the constricted feeling oh and i forgot to say i vomit daily at night there was now blood in it and all of this distressed and upset me greatly as I was waiting for a detox and a local clinic but theres a waiting list.

But thankfully I went to hospital out of desperation and to my bewilderment they gave me a detox and pumped me full of sodium as my levels were low, i gained my appatite back i wasnt 100% but i felt so relieved my symptoms subsided as i was on nicotine patches during my stay (8 hour sodium drip and many banana drips). Longstory short came home and enjoyed days of soberity and was cigarette free as i started vaping i felt great and got huge 11 hour sleeps and ate like a grizzly bear, had regular bowel movements that werent tarry black, I felt a great sense of wellbeing for the future, my legs were still sore but not when i vaped or drank caffinated drinks (subsititute)

Now 1 week after i went to hosptial things took a downturn, the vape started making me breathless and gasping for air so i switched to patches which stopped the problem but i caved and vaped again and now the restlessness and anxiety that cranked up 24/7 feeling is back, my cognition gradually over the days starts to get bad again and worse theres phases of literal dementia id say with slurred speech and all the symptoms of impairment and a weird which of are just phases bit sometimes very seizure like deja vu like, i went to a doctor for bloods to see what was up and i literally forgot everything my memory and recollection is so bad, the numbness and constricted feeling all of the symptoms really are back and worse. The bouts of dementia like symptoms come with panic attacks and phases of breathlessness, the numbness and pain seems to be a circulation thing i dont understand the pain and feeling subsides when my blood pressure is high but in rare calm phases where i dont move the pain and weakness comes on, ive been having fevers aswell and honestly this entire week has been the worse of my life ive told mh family i live them several times because i feel this is it, ive taken measures to try and stop symptoms and im too confused to understand them as all of them are so unpredictiable one day this helps the next day it doesnt.

ive been to hospital today and the day before first to get my bloods (as the gp was taking too long) and get examined and according to them its anxiety!!!! im literally suffering physically and mentally here im basically the same as i was when i was drinking and smoking, the worst symptom of all is the apathy which is back i care so little about anything i wasnt even relieved the ultrasound showed i didnt have cirrohos, people and places give me no vibe or feeling and i dont recognise them, music, tv shows food nothing im an empty vessel running on muscle memory i dont want to speak to anyone i geel like a soicopath, i cant physically work the length of myself without feeling like im going to collapse or have an "episode", ive been drinking fizzy drinks like cans of cider to they amp me up but make me more agaitated Ive lost my appatite and my stomach is messed up and could be a major culprit in this now i vomited for the first time tonight as if i were still drinking food digests so quickly and i dont have proper bowel movements anymore just dierrea everytime i eat, when it comes to eating i have to force feed myself because the food sustains me and gets rid of some symptoms for a few hours, ive barely slept in 3 days now including this night its 2 in the morning im not feeling like i will sleep, the breathlessness (my lungs are fine apparently everything is fine apparently) and gasping for air (which happens mainly if i havent eaten in awhile) has gotten so much worse i have periods aswell where i dont breath much at all i wonder if this is the reason for the impairment of my mind rather than brain damage from the alcohol, my body is so uncomfortable and sore, ive to speak to my cpn tomorrow (about anxiety management it could open doors for medication and support) 88i just dont know what to say or do im so confused on top of all of this I just have this horrific feeling inside its all so confusing. I havent told you the full story and all the details its just too much but what do you think is up with me? im i one of those alcoholics thats basically dead but the alcohol was keeping them alive? Im eating less but i still take thiamine and drink orange juice and water. This aint living ive developed what they call health anxiety i want an explanation? I think i have a circulation disorder and organs that are still damaged theres something they missed surely?

thoughts?

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