I struggle to think I'm ill

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Does anyone else feel this way? 

I know it sounds really strange.  If I concentrate on how I am physically, I can see that I'm ill.  This is hard to put into words so maybe I am just the only one?  However, When I'm told to rest and be kind to myself because I have this illness part of my emotions reject that I'm ill.

Maybe it's a denial thing cos no-one likes to think they have been ill for so long.  Other people complain when they have felt ill for 2 weeks whilst we get it for years.  My hubby has said that his knees have hurt going up the stairs for the last 2 days (I've had that for years) and frequently say I wish I lived in a bungalow.

Is it a denial thing cos I don't know if / when it's ever going to go away?  If I'm not ill then I don't have to worry about never getting rid of it? 

It's maybe also cos I don't look ill (unless I'm using my sticks or mobility scooter). I can even get away with wearing a magnetic back support so I can stand for a while without the supports if I'm not too bad.

Anyone else feel emotionally like they are not ill? 

 

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    Yes I think I can relate. For me I feel that because I still have the motivation to do everything but not necessairly the energy then I can't really be ill?? And then I have to remind myself or my body gives me a reminder i.e. my knees hurting when i bend them to get into a cupboard etc.  
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  • Posted

    I get that. In fact part of my bug bear is when I did start to say I feel like I'm falling apart, feel ancient, etc, I got everyone either saying a) you're getting old or b) it's cos you've got kids. 

    I think the CBT emphasis doesn't help. All this change how you feel by changing how you think tripe. I've got all the motivation in the world. I'm NOT depressed, I'm wading through toffee everyday until bedtime, when I can collapse and I feel like my body is actually going to break into pieces. It hurts to do normal everyday things and people tell you to deal with it, it's normal. 

    I'm sure we'd be more willing to accept help and in turn get onto recovery quicker if more people recognised there's something not right, and it can be made better given time. 

    But no, certainly not alone. 

    Xxxxxx

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  • Posted

    Yes. But I know I am but if I look in the morror I don't look ill so sometimes I say to myself I am okay and I can do this (whatever it is I am doing) which of course does not do me any good as it makes me more ill. At the moment I just feel as if I just can't go on. We go to our daughters today for the weekend and she says I must not be negative so a big pretence is required this weekend!!!! I don't want to put a damper on things.
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    • Posted

      I do hope you have a lovely weekend even if your daughter wants you to control your feelings.  Being negative does drag us and others around us down. I understand that.  However, acknowledgement of your feelings would be more appreciated whilst they go out of their way to make us feel more cheerful would be nice.
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    • Posted

      I quite agree. I try most of the time to be positive around others, but sometimes I just have to say how exhausted I am and muddle headed so they don't get me wrong.
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    • Posted

      You must keep reminding yourself that you will get better.  Being true to how you feel is something we all have to do. Pacing ourselves is important as is being as positive as we can, acceptance of  ourselves and our current abilities.  

      This condition is difficult for people to understand and accept.Could you have a chat with your daughter and explain how the condition makes you feel physically and mentally?

      On the positive thinking side of things, have you looked at the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)?

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