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Hi guys many of you know me from my constant cries for help. I know this is a forum for the drug but i have grown comfortable talking to you all. Anyways I get told that I need to find the root of my anxiety. Today has not been extremely bad but also not great. So this morning as I was laying in bed with my normal hell of anxiety I was thinking what is really bothering me. I recently lost my grandfather early this year. I took it very hard but I felt better over time and that I had excepted his passing. But the problem is now all I can think about is my parents and especially my dad. He does not take care of himself and he is getting older. I have constant fear of losing my loved ones. I even get anxiety at the thought of my children growing up and change. I feel that by my grandfather's passing has opened up so many doors that just flood me with terrible thoughts and anxiety. The problem I'm also having is that even when I'm not thinking about it I am feeling tons of anxiety which leads me to think about the stuff that causes the anxiety to become worse. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster. When the citalopram is in effect I can almost try to bring on an attack but it will not happen. I feel really good and I am able to acept my fears. So with this being said I need to combine these. I need to be able to cope and get through this even when I am on my down days. I feel the longer it takes to get through I will cause myself to have anxiety about other things and the list will grow. I know I have these problems but I do not understand how I have led myself to become this way. Does anyone have any suggestions in how to cope with these thoughts? I know people die and I know life goes on and I know change will happen with or without me. But how do I train myself to k ow that this should not hurt. I feel so lost from where I was a few months ago. I just turned 25 years old. I have a job that I don't hate and a fiance with 2 kids who absolutely love me. My life is great. It truly is. I was on a path in my life where I felt I was going somewhere. How can I get back to me? I'm am constantly thinking about this anxiety. When I feeling good and when I'm feeling like crap. The anxiety is ALWAYS know my mind and I really need to change that. That Is a huge problem as well. I hope all of this makes sense to you. If anyone has advice even if it's silly please do let me know what you think. I appreciate all your help and it seems like you all are the only ones who actually understand what I'm going through. Thank you!
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