Posted , 3 users are following.
Okay. It all started back in July of last year. I had heard some rather unfortunate news and it really got to me. I already had a problem with paranoia and a constant fear of things, but that really affected me. I started losing sleep because of it and even thinking about these thoughts daily. They would worry me and make me lose sleep because of it. I would have insomnia because I didn't want to sleep for the fear kept me awake and the only thing that I wanted to do was tire myself out to get myself to fall asleep. Over time, the intensity subsided, but I continued to worry daily. I worked out a lot and exercised a bit so I wouldn't think about those thoughts. I had read somewhere that exercising helps your body with stress related things so I exercised everyday. Eventually, I was worried while exercising too. I would go to workout when I would only have about 4-6 hours of sleep. Sometimes it would really take a toll on me, but I would feel better afterwards. Then, after that, I started eating less because I wanted to start losing some weight and I also wasn't eating properly. I would only eat two meals a day. Then, I wasn't drinking as much waster as I used to. All of these things started working together in March of this year. I had insomnia, only ate two meals a day, and only drank enough to get me by. I was becoming irritable and I'd get angry at a lot of things for no reason or overreact. I would have my blood boiling. A breath holding blood boil. I think the anger from one certain episode i had in April I had was the final nail in the anxiety coffin. The next day, I went to work out and I did fine. Had about six hours of sleep and I felt pretty good. I went to go do my other half of the run on the treadmill. When I started, 8 seconds into running, my vision got all floaty and spaced. It started turning white and I felt like I was losing consciousness. I immediately got off the treadmill and tried to fight whatever was going on with me. I was tingling and just felt bad altogether. I passed it off as dehydration because I didn't drink enough. My personal trainer said that's what it could have been too, but I took a week off from working out anyway. My vision ever since that day has always felt swimmy. After the week passed I went to workout again. After the workout, I was driving home and I had a panic attack while driving. I had to park in a parking lot and lower my seat to something comfortable. I called a friend of mine and told him to take me to the doctor, we went somewhere where I got urgent care. Got myself checked and my blood ran. I felt like trash after that second one. My doctor told me that I'm basically having panic attacks.
That night was one of the worst nights of my life. I couldn't sleep because I felt like I was dying the whole entire night. It was terrible. I tried to recover myself from that mess and I did relatively well. I was able to fix myself very close to the way I was originally, but my vision always remained a little swimmy. Then, I had to fly a plane and visit my girlfriend. I'm deathly terrified of plane travel, so I shot my nervousness and anxiety through the roof. When I arrived, I needed at least three days to recover. The anxiety was filled over the brim by this point, but I was able to train it back to normal. I was walking and doing normal things. Then things changed, I got mad at one point and that somehow ruined all of the buildup to success that I had saved. Then I started to worry a lot. I worried about everything. I'm even worrying now.
It's gotten so bad now that I'm experiencing physical symptoms daily and I feel like I'm constantly losing myself. I'm having a lot of neurological things like goosebumps on the head and tingly fingers. Random spots of pain. Tight and sore neck. Sore throat. Flashes in my eyesight. The list goes on. I'm entirely normal but my worrying has completely ruined me. I'm three months in from the initial panic attack and I'm still recovering. On top of that, I'm in another country at the moment and will probably be here for another two weeks. My girlfriend says I should go home and get myself fixed. She's right because her and myself both realize that it's pointless for me to be here if it's ruining everyday.
I hope it's just anxiety that's giving me these symtpoms.
1 like, 9 replies