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I don't know why but the thought of "I may have ptsd and that could be why I feel like this" popped into my head. I did some resurch and it could be true. Like from the bullying and harassment I was forced to grow up with.
I can remember one large account I was scared of a boy. He would always mess with me, hurt me via grabbing my fat and yanking on it and he would verbally abuse me. Pulling on my nipples to the point I taught it was bleeding. One day I started cower before him like always being ready like flinching when he came near. This was a trigger for him, he increased the frequency and pain. Then another boy Im cool with him now, but he and the first boy made me not want to go to school. The two reasons I went were three boys. Then two girls who were great helps(this is when I found out I'm prob gay). Then a girl in band was a safe haven for me, I would do anything for her. Then my ex kinda added fuel by breaking my trust. Then I made that girl in band frown on me since I broke up with her by text.
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