I think I have ptsd, but my family won't let me get checked out for it.

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I don't know why but the thought of "I may have ptsd and that could be why I feel like this" popped into my head. I did some resurch and it could be true. Like from the bullying and harassment I was forced to grow up with.

I can remember one large account I was scared of a boy. He would always mess with me, hurt me via grabbing my fat and yanking on it and he would verbally abuse me. Pulling on my nipples to the point I taught it was bleeding. One day I started cower before him like always being ready like flinching when he came near. This was a trigger for him, he increased the frequency and pain. Then another boy Im cool with him now, but he and the first boy made me not want to go to school. The two reasons I went were three boys. Then two girls who were great helps(this is when I found out I'm prob gay). Then a girl in band was a safe haven for me, I would do anything for her. Then my ex kinda added fuel by breaking my trust. Then I made that girl in band frown on me since I broke up with her by text.

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  • Posted

    It's feasible this could be seen as trauma, only a specialist would know if this is PTSD. See you doctor and neverind your family's

    How old are you, can you see your doctor alone?

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    • Posted

      I am still a minor, so I can't get to my doctor without a legal guardian. And, I'm sorry if I didn't give enough background on the subject. I wasn't sure if I needed to place every detail. But, I am sure that I showcase many of the symptoms one may have if they suffer from ptsd. If you would advise me on the matter of should iI put more detail to get the most help. 

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    • Posted

      Yes I have a cousin, but she is half ways cross the world. I do have a friend who I have told everything to, but like me she too is a minor. I have no means of going anywhere without help or my parents knowing. 
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    • Posted

      I should give more detail on why I think I have ptsd.

      I don't think I always had ptsd it may have been the cause of some things, but I think this can be dropped down more to anxiety, and depression. I have always felt like my voice is quiet and I just should be quiet.

      I have gotten bullied for a number of things, but I am getting better through many friends in my life. I made this thread because I was reading up on ptsd, but then it hit me as I was reading the symptoms and I had showed signs of ptsd. I feel as if all of my repressed feelings came out the time my uncle had died who was like a father to me, but I do live with both of my parents. It's just that my father is the dead beat who is still with us. He would always put me down as far back as the age of four. He was never joking, he would be serious and this placed a kind of fear in me. To give more detail one of the biggest times he sowed thus beat us when he taught me to ride a bike(at least tried). I not having fun, so I asked my dad if we could maybe not do this. He left the came back with a switch and threatned me he would hurt my legs worse than the concrete would. Many people saw me sobbing and falling, but no one stopped him and those that questioned him he would feed them this"he is just being stubborn, but it is all right". I was so tired from crying and one we got back in the car he would throw a trigger insult for me and remember I am still young and thus was the man I called father"you are fat. Fat, fat, fat. You won't be anything, you won't ever have kids. Who want something as fat as you. I was broken to say the least, but I didn't feel like people would believe me so I kept shut. I not the same I became more withdrawn from almost everyone. I soon grew hatred for my father,but before this I felt only fear even when my father was paralyzed for the first time.

      I could remember a few friends who left, but took me out of reality. One friend who has been there is my child hood friend and a girl who has helped me through my life,however, my chf is kinda a trigger for alot of things most my anxiety and depression. I feel like it awakens some tyoe of feeling from my younger years. I would do anything for either for her and would help me out as much as she can, but when she gets into her teenager phase she come off kinda (female dog) like. This is about everything. Sorry if I wrote this all weird it's kinda hard for me to write without getting slightly emotional. 

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  • Posted

    Hi there, I just read your post so sorry for the late reply. Having read all that you posted on this thread it sounds like you may well be suffering from a type of PTSD called Complex PTSD (cPTSD), aka Complex Interpersonal Trauma. I have this.

    I'm in the UK and our health system is very different from yours (I think you are in the US?) so I don't know what help is available to you, but I will suggest a couple of things. Firstly, is there an adult at school you can talk to, or perhaps you go to church? Secondly, if you really have no adult to turn to then there are lots and lots of videos on cPTSD/complex trauma on YouTube, plus articles online. With regards to the videos, see if you can find ones which are made by qualified therapists/psychologists. These can be very good in helping you understand and make sense of trauma and the natural reactions to trauma. You might find them useful with some self-help therapy as well. Google the term 'survive and thrive' as this is relevant and is actually the name of the group I attended for people who have experienced abuse/trauma.

    Sorry I can't help more. Good luck x

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