I think I have some sort of depression or something but I am not very sure. please help

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Hi. well I am not sure what is "wrong" with me. Well here it is. I feel I have been depressed I guess all my life, but I am not completely sure (I am 16) just now it is getting more and more difficult. When I was younger I think it was not that bad, there were plenty of distractions in life to keep me active and depression did not really affect me a whole lot. But over time I started to loose interest in what used to be fun until now there are only a few things that I find somewhat entertaining and or distracting. I have to multitask in order to occupy my mind. When I am not distracted completely I start to get very sad. I start to think bad thoughts that I don't like but they just keep on coming. I can't be alone with my mind and that is the worst feeling ever, I have to be doing something, thinking about something. This has effected my sleep as well for the past few weeks or so I have been running on 4-5 hours of sleep, earlier when I was in school I would get around 6-7 hours. when I do get in bed I need to be on ifunny or facebook or something to distract me before I actually sleep. I have reached some points when I honestly would not mind dying, not committing suicide because that would destroy my family and friends and I don't want to hurt anyone, but like I wouldn't mind just dying like normally in a car crash or something. It is all just so much, too much. I get these fits of anger or embarrassment or hatred toward myself on things that happened months, even years ago that no one else remembers. I hate myself. my mind, it always works against me when I am alone with it. When each of my distractions fall one by one it starts to get scary. Will it ever stop? Is there a way to fix this without getting too many people involved. Basically no one in my life knows that I have this problem I have been very good at hiding it, which I don't know if that is good or bad. Thanks for reading this I would also like to know some kind of name for this, I don't know if it is exactly depression, or what type. I also have anxiety which could be apart of it. I have also never gone to a doctor or anyone about this. If you have any questions please ask. And thanks.

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  • Posted

    Hey Sheldon. 

    I'm sorry that you're feeling so bad. I know how confusing it can be, I'm only 21 so it wasn't that long ago that I was feeling pretty similar to you and it's so frustrating. I just wanted to say, don't let anyone make you feel like your feelings aren't valid because of your age. I encountered quite a few doctors who tried to pass off my symptoms as just 'normal teenager' stuff, and so it went untreated for years, and I just wish that I'd pressed further and not allowed my age to be a factor used to disregard me. So make sure you're really clear and adamant that you need help, becauase it definitely sounds like you need some support in dealing with your low mood. 

    In terms of the sleep, that's a symptom that's really common with depression. It's easier to distract yourself during the day, but much harder to block the thoughts when you're alone in a dark room. I really think you're doing the right thing by using distraction techniques to help you sleep more easily. If it helps, I've found that when I'm having particularly bad insomnia, if I put on a funny tv show quietly in the background that I've watched tons of time, the familiarity of the programme helps to set me at ease and lets me have undisturbed sleep. Maybe give that a go, because Facebook probably is a bit too active a distraction to help with sleeping. 

    The fits of anger you've described will get easier. When I was around the same age as you, my self hatred and depression manifested itself as so much rage, and I'd just smash things for no reason and would be so furious. It's a cliche but time is a healer, and the anger will start to fade when you begin to understand yourself and why you're feeling so much pain. It's the self hatred which is the part that needs help fixing, and that's pretty hard and why you need support. 

    You said you hide it, and that you don't know if that's good or bad. Please trust me when I say that the most important part of recovering and coping with mental health is not feeling like you should hide it. This doesn't mean disclosing your feelings to everyone you know, although there'd be nothing wrong with doing that if you chose to. But I'd seriously recommend letting a couple of people who you care about know. That doesn't necessarily have to be parents, it could be your friends, or another family member. You'll start to feel much more worth and confidence once you are more open to others and yourself about what's going on in your head. 

    My main advice is to go and see a GP. Explain to them all of the things you have mentioned on here. Chances are they'll ask you a few questions to assess your mood, and the fact you have anxiety as well will be taken into consideration. From what you have said on here, it definitely sounds like you have depression-like symptoms, but obviously you can't get a diagnosis from any of us, only your GP can do that. Make sure they take you seriously, and see what they think would be the best course of action. My advice is, if you're having low mood, then you should try and see a therapist, and I'm also a massive advocate of medication to help with low mood. It's not for everybody and it has taken a couple of years to find the right drug for me, but trust me when I say that now that I'm used to my anti-depressants, it feels like I'm actually living rather than just existing. See what your doctor thinks. 

    Finally, sorry about the long response. Your post really touched me because I wish I'd been brave enough to use a forum like this when I was younger, and so it's really promising that you've reached out like this. It will get better, there's just work that has to be done, but set up a support base and you'll see the difference. 

    Good luck with everything smile 

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    • Posted

      Thank you. I dont mind the long respons. It made me feel not as alone... thanks. And I am thinking about shareing this with one of my friends. Probably not my parents I dont want to worry them or anything. Thanks again.
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  • Posted

    This sounds similar to what was happening to me, minus the part of being depressed my whole life. I find that talking about it really helps. Let your family know whats going on so they can keep your situation in mind when they are making plans and get you some help. I found that sleeping with music playing helps keep my mind off of it and, when I'm having a really hard time i make sure to not be alone. Also, i've been taking a product that is not a medication or anything that you buy in a pharmacy and it has helped me immensly. I can give you the link to a website for the product if you want it. Also, talk to a proffessional and get some proffessional help. Also, remember, nothing is "wrong" with you

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  • Posted

    I understand you completely sad The worst thing to with is the mind. I have the same problem, I can't think because I think too much and too bad...I have anxiety and depression disorder for years, but I am much better when I take the pills. So go to see a doctor and BE completely honest.

    Wish you all the best

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  • Posted

    Hi Sheldon,

    ?Before I glanced down at Connie's response, I was just about to tell you the same thing.  Depression  and anxiety go hand and hand.  I am not a doctor, but I would recommend going to one.  Ask him/her to refer you to a psychiatrist.  The good news is that you are going to be okay. But...it takes hard work.  There are safe medications out there.  But seeing a counselor or therapist will help immensely.  I see a therapist whom I trust, and she lets me vent.  I feel so much better after I talk with her.

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