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Hi. well I am not sure what is "wrong" with me. Well here it is. I feel I have been depressed I guess all my life, but I am not completely sure (I am 16) just now it is getting more and more difficult. When I was younger I think it was not that bad, there were plenty of distractions in life to keep me active and depression did not really affect me a whole lot. But over time I started to loose interest in what used to be fun until now there are only a few things that I find somewhat entertaining and or distracting. I have to multitask in order to occupy my mind. When I am not distracted completely I start to get very sad. I start to think bad thoughts that I don't like but they just keep on coming. I can't be alone with my mind and that is the worst feeling ever, I have to be doing something, thinking about something. This has effected my sleep as well for the past few weeks or so I have been running on 4-5 hours of sleep, earlier when I was in school I would get around 6-7 hours. when I do get in bed I need to be on ifunny or facebook or something to distract me before I actually sleep. I have reached some points when I honestly would not mind dying, not committing suicide because that would destroy my family and friends and I don't want to hurt anyone, but like I wouldn't mind just dying like normally in a car crash or something. It is all just so much, too much. I get these fits of anger or embarrassment or hatred toward myself on things that happened months, even years ago that no one else remembers. I hate myself. my mind, it always works against me when I am alone with it. When each of my distractions fall one by one it starts to get scary. Will it ever stop? Is there a way to fix this without getting too many people involved. Basically no one in my life knows that I have this problem I have been very good at hiding it, which I don't know if that is good or bad. Thanks for reading this I would also like to know some kind of name for this, I don't know if it is exactly depression, or what type. I also have anxiety which could be apart of it. I have also never gone to a doctor or anyone about this. If you have any questions please ask. And thanks.
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