I think i'm losing it

Posted , 3 users are following.

I have some problems adjusting to my new job...everyone their thinks i'm slow and stupid.  I constantly feel people are talking about me and making bad remarks.  I constantly try to do everything perfect and try not make mistakes so that they dont perceive me as stupid any more.  It makes me unhappy to go to work because of they perceive me.  I've always had issues with my self-esteem and confidence.  People have constantly called me stupid and i'm starting to believe it to the point where I dont trust my judgement anymore. I went to a good high school and i finished university with a BSc. so i cant be that stupid. I'm 23 yrs old, im too old to still be struggling with this but yet still i do.  How do i fix this?

 

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Jodybro,

    It does take time to adjust to anything new. I assume it is a job you would otherwise enjoy so please don't give up. When we have a poor self-image (and sadly, some people carry this burden with them their whole lives) we project the same opinion of ourselves onto others, assuming they don't see our true worth either. We latch on to any negative comments (even if they are throw-away remarks e.g. "don't be stupid", etc) and we are blind to anything complimentary or positive that comes our way. We are reinforcing what we erroneously believe to be true. Having said that, there are bullies in this world who can only make themselves feel bigger by putting others down. If you have evidence of being bullied then it's best to bring it to your employer's attention so that it can be nipped in the bud. It sounds like you are pretty miserable at the moment but if you can tackle your  self-confidence issues, this will be a big boost for your mental and overall well-being. There are good self-help books on the subject and helpful websites if you Google. You are an intelligent young person and recognise this mindset that is holding you back from realising your full potential in life. You are young enough to overcome this and have a great future ahead of you. What other people think of you matters far less than how you see yourself (some would say that other people's opinion of us doesn't matter at all). Good luck! Find your inner strength :-)

    Digsby

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    • Posted

      Let us know how you get on. I hope things improve for you soon. Don't let others dictate your happiness as you will often find disappointment when you expect them to behave in a certain way and they don't comply - other people can be so contrary ;-)

      Wishing you all the best. x

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    • Posted

      Hello Digsby,

      Sad to say 4 months on not much has changed, I still feel more or less the same. Maybe I'm not as intelligent as I thought. I've been at my job a year now and people still perceive me as stupid. It's firmly cemented in their minds and there is nothing that I can do to change it. If everyone keeps on calling you stupid maybe there is some truth to it? In fact I know believe that because of this perception at work I could be passed over for promotions and since it's a small field and everyone knows each other, I believe that word will get around about my perceived lack of intelligence and I may never be able to get another job since collegues believe I'm stupid. Perhaps I'm over thinking it but it is worrying to me. We all process things differently in our minds but because I do not always have the expected behavior or respond or act a certain way I'm perceived as unintelligent. I'm still struggling and perhaps I should seek professional help.

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    • Posted

      Hi buddy,

      It's good to hear from you but I'm sorry you havent seen any improvement in your situation. Have you had any positive feedback at all? Have you talked any of this over with your manager? What type of work is it you do? It sounds as if you enjoy your job (except for the negative comments) & would like to make a career of it. What are the positives? Don't lose sight of these. Stay strong :-)

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    • Posted

      No I have not spoken to my boss, I believe that he may have the same perception of me. But I work within the field of natural resource management. I haven't had any positive feedback at work. In fact I feel under valued and not respected since most people have this perception of me. I don't particularly enjoy my work I'm bored everyday but it's a decent salary and the job comes with good benefits.
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    • Posted

      I guess you need to weigh the pros and cons: do you want the financial security at the expense of respect and self-confidence at work? You may want to set yourself as target and then perhaps look for something more fulfilling as things seem unlikely to get better. However, you could keep your head down at work and keep receiving the pay-cheques and try to find fulfilment outside of work. Just ask yourself what your priorities are. I'm sure you are not the only person who dislikes their job but sees it as a means to an end. Believe in yourself and pursue some worthwhile goals in your personal life. The bottom line is that you are definitely not stupid - you have achieved a lot in your life and couldn't have done so with plenty of grey cells between your ears ;-) Good luck. Keep accentuating the positive.
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    • Posted

      Hi this is exactly what I have always done in my working life.  I work in admin and as long as my job is ok and manageable I have just concentrated on keeping my head down and doing it for the financial security.  I always saw it as a means to an end so I could enjoy my time out of work.   It always worked for me.  x
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  • Posted

    Hi everyone feels slow a stupid when trying to master a new job,  but before you realise it you will get better at it and it becomes second nature.  I know in one of my jobs I was told later that they thought I wasn't getting it and would never pick it up.   I can't learn by rote and have to understand the whys and wherefores of it before I can do something.   Once I pick that up I am flying and considered a good worker.  You might work the same way,

    How do you know everyone is talking about you and slagging you off?   There might be 1 or 2 who are but you find those types in any job.   I agree with Disby's reply and the good advice.    x

     

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