Posted , 5 users are following.
I feel typical writing this but I feel like I need some advice I guess? Since a young age I have always had minor rules that I had to do in order to feel normal or to make balance. I used to bump into things or even slightly touch them and I would have to say sorry, even if it was a stroke of a jacket (I outgrew this) I really struggle drinking out of cups at home thus I only drink out of plastic bottles; if I am out I will hope for a straw. I have to eat yogurt with a fork. If someone pulls their eyes down, I have to push mine and theirs back up, same with fingernails and tongues. I am incredibly fussy with food and struggle daily with what to have for dinner and usually comes down to 5 meals, it has caused a lot of arguments as I don’t like anything and it appears to be getting worse. I have had a song come into my head every day almost for the past month, I don’t even like the song. I have struggled with intrusive thoughts for a couple of years whether it is thoughts of my family being killed or inappropriate thoughts that are simply wrong. I have fairly bad night time paranoia and a big fear of being burgled and have done since a young age, it is really hard to distract myself incase I need to hear anything and it can be quite stressful because all I can hear is the high pitch silence or I will get very panicky if my dog starts barking and I hear things to which then I think that someone is in my house and I think that this itself becoming more of a problem. If i am home alone, sometimes i will check every single door and under the bed and in the wardrobes. I have worked myself up that I have gone downstairs to make sure I didn’t leave the stove on and that my mum has locked the back door. There have been times where I say to myself if I don’t do this then this will happen; I feel like I know it isn’t true but it’s like a game I’ve played in my head. I’ve always been quite odd and there is stuff I am missing out however I have realised recently that this may be my problem as I have had counselling in the past and suffered from intense intrusive thoughts and a mind which i can only describe as being really loud and I just wanna scream, that was last year and there wasn’t anything to pinpoint wrong with me but now I feel like this might be it? I am 16. Thankyou
1 like, 4 replies