I think im going crazy. Help me.
Posted , 3 users are following.
Hello. My name is Emma and I am freshly 18 years old aaaaand I think I have got health anxiety. Crazy health anxiety. I experienced my first anxiety attack when I was around 11-12 years old. I was just sitting, playing around and all of the sudden, I felt my heart started RACING..I was crying, freaking out and my parents were as well, they even took me to the hospital and they wanted to keep me there but I refused..This repeated a few times and my mom decided to take me to the doctor. The doctor done some blood tests, scans.. Everything was perfect. He gave me some medication and it slowly faded away over time. The next memorable experience was when I found out Ive got some bump in my vagina. I didnt quite understood my body and what i have got going on "downstairs" so yeah. I started freaking out and I started googling. I looked at some pictures, symptoms of some cancers.. and I started having every symptom possible. Ive had killer lower back aches, painful gas, nausea, diarrhea or constipation..It just felt so real. Until I realized its actually just something called cervix. A few days later I realized this, all my pains faded away. I know, i know...sounds funny. But trust me, this was pure.hell. It was the first and last thought of the day for a few months. Couldnt focus or do anything, I was scared to go outside of my house because I always had these catastrophic visions inside of my head, like when Ill go out with my friends im just going to pass out and die and nobody is going to help me..Or i didnt want to sleep because I was so afraid im going to wake up in the middle of the night with unreal cramps and im going to puke blood or something. It was bizzare. I was 100% positive im going to die any day. I was just doing things to make myself laugh and "enjoying my last moments". Since then, I experienced many "i think im dying" moments. Brain tumors, burst appendix, blood clots.. Ive had it all. But now, my anxiety so unstoppable. Or is it even anxiety? Ill explain.. I started having pains in my stomach back in january. It started all of the sudden when I was at prom. I was kinda stressed, I had to sit because I was too weak to stand up nor dance and so on. Around one week after that I woke up in the middle of the night and my head was spinning, my vision was so blurry, I was shaking.. I started vomiting profusely, Ive had diarrhea.. I thought i was going to pass out.. I felt like that the whole day. And since than I always feel pressure/fullness/burning in my stomach, I dont really want to eat, I am soooo tired, i again cannot focus on anything, sometimes ive got diarrhea, sometimes im constipated. I tried every medication on earth, without any result. Again, im 100% positive i have got some kind of f*****g cancer. Sometimes i feel like I cant even swallow. When I eat something I always have to burp it out for 10 minutes, I stress myself out so much I will start crying, we called an ambulance because of that a month ago and the doctors didnt do any tests, they just laughed and said i am crazy and gave me some medication to calm me down which didnt do anything. I went to the doctor anyway, she did urine and blood tests and said everything looks perfect but I still feel like something is so WRONG.. I am afraid to sleep, go out, travel - which used to be my passion, i dont feel like I want to do anything and I feel like nobody cares anyway. One person more or less, nobody will even notice. My parents tell me im selfish, that it is just me doing this to myself, wasting my own life. I dont know what to do or think anymore. Should I go see more doctors? Should I do something to amuse myself? Should I just ignore everything? I cant even do that. Please help me, im falling deeper and deeper into this and I DONT want this to be my life.
1 like, 2 replies
sabrina9017 emma39062
Posted
Hi Emma,
I to suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, recently all the time. I actually have a few medical diagnosis that started this anxiety and it hasn't abated since. Recently I went off some meds and had to withdrawal causing massive panic attacks, agoraphobia, and fears that I'm just going to pass out/look completely crazy and get fired. So in essence your not alone. I am distracting myself right now by typing to you or I am trying to do house work even when the feelings of dread appear. It's not a cure...i know. I don't think there is one especially since I worked in the mental health field. Short of making you feel like a zombie, medication has it's limits to what it can do.
I'm not going to tell you to ignore the anxoety...thats impossible at times I know. But try to distract with other things so that the anxoety is at the back of your mind rather than in front. I hope you don't have something seriously wrong with you....that would be terrible. I'm hoping it's just anxiety and it will fade in time, it may not. I like to think that our lives are cyclical and we go through rough patches but good ones as well.
emma39062 sabrina9017
Posted
Thank you so much for your time, reply and help. It really helped to hear (read) this.
I always want to distract myself but it just seems like my mind is immune to distractions. It used to work, but now, its like the devil is always sitting on my shoulder and whispering in my ear, whenever and whatever I do, its always there. "You have cancer and you will die in a few days and you have not accomplished anything. Your existence is and was completely pointless" thats always what comes back. And I feel like im not even in control anymore. Like im possesed or just plain crazy, having war with myself. If there is something wrong, I feel like i wouldnt handle it. I would literally end it before the illness would. Its crazy. Im just so weak for some reason