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I think my boyfriend is depressed. He won't get help and is pushing me away!

Posted , 4 users are following.

sarah52641
sarah52641

Hi. Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 6 years. In April 2014 we bought our first house together. A big old farmhouse that needs doing up. He's a joiner so he's doing most of the work himself. Nearly 2 years down the line, were still living in a static caravan with4 dogs! The house is still about a year away from being ready too 😩!

So my boyfriend has, I think, always suffered with depression for a long time but has always snapped himswlf out of it. A few days before Christmas 2015 he told me that he wasn't happy with me. We had a huge disscussion (me crying for all of it) and he just wasn't happy with how we'd got into a rut in our relationship sitting in the caravan most nights and watching TV. We said we'd change it and start doing more together. Christmas and new year was good. Then he got flu so we started staying in again.

Last night he told me that on the way back from picking a takeaway up he started crying because he could tell he was pushing me away. He wasn't sure if he loved me anymore as he doesn't get excited about me/our relationship or anything. He says he's not excited about getting in the house or anything. I can't imagine how he's feeling as I have never suffered from depression and I KNOW I love him. I've asked him to go get some help and he did say he would but then in the next breath said "let me get over this flu first then I'll go" I don't want him to get over the flu then him make another excuse!

I really don't know what else I can do. This is heart breaking for me as his partner. If anyone can tell me any words of wisdom I would be extremely greatful.

Thank you

2 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • nicole28187
    nicole28187 sarah52641

    Posted

    Don't give up on him! Coming from the girl with depression who is question her 6 year relationship & the house & life they have build together & the "rut" they are in don't give up on him. It is so hard in a person with depression head, every day is a battle & it sounds like he is letting the depression get the best of him but he does love you, he does want to be with you just keep pushing through. This isn't easy by any means and you cant force him to get help but keep encouraging him. I have been on meds for three weeks & I am going for my second counseling session Wednesday but I too ignored it until I didn't recognize the person I was anymore & I was questioning the entire life i had build.

    Try for a mini vacation if you can or do something different one weekend & keep encouraging him to get help with out "nagging" him.

    I know he still loves you because despite my head I still love my boyfriend more then anything in the world. Just don't give up on him. He needs you more then he realizes.

    I wish you two the best

    • sarah52641
      sarah52641 nicole28187

      Posted

      Hi nicole28187. Thanks so much for your reply. I cried when reading it! I really don't want to give up on him but it is so hard! I have suggested a weekend away but he always puts obstacles in the way. I told him last night I would make him an appointment for the docs today and when I text him to tell him I couldn't get him in till Wednesday, his reply was thank you but I'm not going to go! What the hell can I do. I feel like he's giving up on 'us' by not wanting to go.

      I feel so helpless as all I can do for him is listen but he isn't a massive talker anyway so this is very difficult as you can imagine!

      Thanks again for replying, it really does mean the world ATM x

  • borderriever
    borderriever sarah52641

    Posted

    When we were living together we lived in a house that needed extensive work, we were not as lucky as You, we had no trades to fall back on and we were getting a grant to renovate, while this was going on we were living twenty miles away and spending all weeken working on the house with the builders etc. The whole thing was getting to us and we nearly broke up over it.

    Eventually we got the house livible ish and we lived upstairs as we completed our restorations, it was hard work and it was really getting to us and again we went through a rocky time. Eventually we would work in the house and garden and would go down to the pub just to get away from all the work. So I can imagine living in a caravan must be really hard and uncomfortable.

    All I can suggest is look towards the end of the work, you need at times to get away from the hassle and allow yourselves time to relax, even if you have a weekend away from all the dust and renovation.

    BOB

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