I think my father hates me

Posted , 6 users are following.

When I was a child my dad and I were best friends we did everything thing together. When I became a teenager I was diagnosed with Depression and was basically a Guinea pig for all these different anti-depressants the doctors poured down my throat and I said and did things I deeply regret to this day and things I had no idea I was even doing. Once told him he was dead to me which I didn't mean and when I got my depression under control and became semi normal again. I went to him and apologized for everything I said and did to hurt and how much I hated myself for it . Now I'm turning 28 this December and my father since teenager years basically has nothing to do with me I never hear from him and when I visit he has nothing to say to me or wants nothing to do with me . He will talk to my sisters and brother in law like it's nothing while I sit and watch it going on. All I want is an actual relationship with my father and not constantly feel like I'm a disappointment or not worthy of his time . I just want to be his son just once I want to hear him say "I'm proud of you. " and not feel like I'm a mistake that should have been aborted.

2 likes, 8 replies

Report / Delete

8 Replies

  • Posted

    Hello there. I am so sad to hear this. Depression is a debilitating disease and it is a shame that your father is holding a grudge against you for things that you said while ill.  I am so sorry but it's not on you its his bad. 

    I would love to have you as a son. I promise. You have done all that you can do you apologized for your actions and he is livings in unforgiveness. He is punishing you and ignoring you and I hope that you will ask yourself if it's worth it to continue to allow him to do this to you. There are ways to deal with it by telling him that if he continues to treat you this way that you will not continue to show up. Have meetings with other family members  elsewhere. Just some thoughts. 

    Please know you are not at fault here. You are a good person with options that's all I am saying. Please keep us posted as we really care! Diane

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thank you for your kind words I really appreciate it. As far as worth goes above all things he is still my father regardless of his feelings towards me. I'm duty bound as a son to at the very least get us to speaking terms . I have spoken to other family members for advice and what not but I keep getting the same answer he just isn't a social person which I explain that he will always talk to my sisters and brother in law with no urging require and then I get the same answer he isn't social.

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    I've read your post with interest. I have no dad. I am jealous and find it hard to read that other people aren't getting on with their dad. I'd give my right arm to have my dad here even for 10 seconds even if he did drive me round the twist! Something is hurting him and you of course. You need to have an honest and face to face talk

    He probably can't talk to you as he probably is hurting so much. My mum can't talk to me about being assaulted as it makes her cry! You have a choice - hate him or realise his faults and take him for who he is! Good luck tough situation I have no doubt.

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      He was abused by his mother growing up physically and emotionally I never held that against him tried to talk to him face to face but he never gave me the time of day since his attention is more focused on playing World of Warcraft. I won't say I know how you feel not having a father but my best friend never knew his father and I saw how it affected him and in some ways I envy him as I once told him the only thing worse than having no father is having a father who is around and doesn't care about you. Also thank you for hearing me out.

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Doom you have a right to feel how you feel and people should not be shaming you. That's their issues they need to deal with. 

    I stick with my original statement. I would be proud to have you for a son!

    Diane

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Doom you are a stand up man! I understand how you feel about your father completely and maybe some day he will change. One thing that I meant to mention but forgot is that in the past when I have had issues in significant relationships I have written them letters and expressed honestly how I felt. I have had great success with this. I told them exactly how I felt with great kindness but directly and honestly. It seems to me it might work for lots of reasons but not the least of which is that it keeps me on point and I think though I express feelings they somehow don't get out of hand. Hope this makes sense and maybe it might some day be a tool that you may use. At any rate please keep in touch. Diane

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Doom - I am so sorry to read about your situation. It seems as if you have done all you can to rebuild bridges with your father but for some reason he seems incapable of reciprocating. That he is studiously ignoring you must be terribly painful, and a choice he is making for whatever reason. The situation with the depression, the use of multiple medications by doctors, the battleground that is teenage life even without such interference, and the results of that combination - well, my heart goes out to you.

    We can't control what others think/say/do, but we do have control over how we deal with it. The first step - and the most important - is that you forgive yourself for what happened back then. It is NOT YOUR FAULT. You didn't choose it. You were not in control, you could not regulate how you behaved and what you said - absolutely and utterly understandable given what you have described - you have apologised for it, and you have expressed how much you hurt yourself as well. I find it difficult to understand how your father can begrudge you any of it, but maybe there are other dynamics at play. Perhaps he feels ashamed at how he has side-lined you all these years; perhaps he is unable to approach the subject; perhaps there are elements of his difficulties with his mother that prevent him from opening up to you; perhaps there may be guilt somewhere there, whether because of his rejection or the possibility that the depression has a genetic component passed on to you. There could be a myriad of complex reasons behind his attitude. Whether this is so or not, you have done everything you can, leave him with the rest of it.

    It's difficult to let go of expectations, particularly in such an intimate unit as the family, but when it is in vain or your worth is reliant on it as it remains fruitless, then it's time to re-evaluate. Focus on you. Strive to be what you want to be as an individual. Achieve your dreams. Embrace yourself and find that encouragement within you. Perhaps one day your father will look up from his Warcraft - which I would suggest he is escaping into to avoid reality - and say "Good on you, son." Perhaps not. It's a sad situation you are in, but you can rise above it. He doesn't hate you. He's dealing with himself. Give him the space to do that while you go and do something that you love. We are always here to talk.

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    maybe he feels bad and thinks that some how he helpped you become depressed? think you need to tell him that its just 1 of thoose things and it effects all aspects of life nomatter who you are,i think it destroyed him seeing you go that way as there was nothing he could do and now he dosent want to get that close again incase it happens again,but again this is his problem not yours.talk to him again and see were it goes and let me know please
    Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up