I think my father hates me

Hello there. I am so sad to hear this. Depression is a debilitating disease and it is a shame that your father is holding a grudge against you for things that you said while ill.  I am so sorry but it's not on you its his bad. 

I would love to have you as a son. I promise. You have done all that you can do you apologized for your actions and he is livings in unforgiveness. He is punishing you and ignoring you and I hope that you will ask yourself if it's worth it to continue to allow him to do this to you. There are ways to deal with it by telling him that if he continues to treat you this way that you will not continue to show up. Have meetings with other family members  elsewhere. Just some thoughts. 

Please know you are not at fault here. You are a good person with options that's all I am saying. Please keep us posted as we really care! Diane

I've read your post with interest. I have no dad. I am jealous and find it hard to read that other people aren't getting on with their dad. I'd give my right arm to have my dad here even for 10 seconds even if he did drive me round the twist! Something is hurting him and you of course. You need to have an honest and face to face talk

He probably can't talk to you as he probably is hurting so much. My mum can't talk to me about being assaulted as it makes her cry! You have a choice - hate him or realise his faults and take him for who he is! Good luck tough situation I have no doubt.

Doom you have a right to feel how you feel and people should not be shaming you. That's their issues they need to deal with. 

I stick with my original statement. I would be proud to have you for a son!

Diane

Doom you are a stand up man! I understand how you feel about your father completely and maybe some day he will change. One thing that I meant to mention but forgot is that in the past when I have had issues in significant relationships I have written them letters and expressed honestly how I felt. I have had great success with this. I told them exactly how I felt with great kindness but directly and honestly. It seems to me it might work for lots of reasons but not the least of which is that it keeps me on point and I think though I express feelings they somehow don't get out of hand. Hope this makes sense and maybe it might some day be a tool that you may use. At any rate please keep in touch. Diane

Hi Doom - I am so sorry to read about your situation. It seems as if you have done all you can to rebuild bridges with your father but for some reason he seems incapable of reciprocating. That he is studiously ignoring you must be terribly painful, and a choice he is making for whatever reason. The situation with the depression, the use of multiple medications by doctors, the battleground that is teenage life even without such interference, and the results of that combination - well, my heart goes out to you.

We can't control what others think/say/do, but we do have control over how we deal with it. The first step - and the most important - is that you forgive yourself for what happened back then. It is NOT YOUR FAULT. You didn't choose it. You were not in control, you could not regulate how you behaved and what you said - absolutely and utterly understandable given what you have described - you have apologised for it, and you have expressed how much you hurt yourself as well. I find it difficult to understand how your father can begrudge you any of it, but maybe there are other dynamics at play. Perhaps he feels ashamed at how he has side-lined you all these years; perhaps he is unable to approach the subject; perhaps there are elements of his difficulties with his mother that prevent him from opening up to you; perhaps there may be guilt somewhere there, whether because of his rejection or the possibility that the depression has a genetic component passed on to you. There could be a myriad of complex reasons behind his attitude. Whether this is so or not, you have done everything you can, leave him with the rest of it.

It's difficult to let go of expectations, particularly in such an intimate unit as the family, but when it is in vain or your worth is reliant on it as it remains fruitless, then it's time to re-evaluate. Focus on you. Strive to be what you want to be as an individual. Achieve your dreams. Embrace yourself and find that encouragement within you. Perhaps one day your father will look up from his Warcraft - which I would suggest he is escaping into to avoid reality - and say "Good on you, son." Perhaps not. It's a sad situation you are in, but you can rise above it. He doesn't hate you. He's dealing with himself. Give him the space to do that while you go and do something that you love. We are always here to talk.

maybe he feels bad and thinks that some how he helpped you become depressed? think you need to tell him that its just 1 of thoose things and it effects all aspects of life nomatter who you are,i think it destroyed him seeing you go that way as there was nothing he could do and now he dosent want to get that close again incase it happens again,but again this is his problem not yours.talk to him again and see were it goes and let me know please