1. Community
  2. Mental health
  3. Bipolar Affective Disorder

I think my girlfriend has a mood disorder and it is wrecking our relationship but I dont know what to do as my 16 month old baby will be affected.

Posted , 3 users are following.

nickdaybyday
nickdaybyday

Hi, we have been together 3 years and have a 16 month old baby. She is a very good mum but I cant help notice her severe mood swings are getting worse. She has been put on anti-depressants but this doesn't seem to help. She has recently started cutting me off. We split up in June last year which is when she was prescribed her anti-d's. We never really spoke in that time as she cut me off then but one day randomly called me up in tears and practically begged me to get back with her which made my world. Since being back together she now has up days and down days and when she is up she is a pleasure to be around but when she is down she can be nasty. She always says I am trying to control her because I simply ask how her day was and ask who she went out with. I ask out of interest as she is my gf and love talking to her. But now she seems to think I am out to get her. She often turns to drink after we have had a row and then when she has calmed down is she is sorry for everything and apologises for her actions and it wont happen again. Then less than a week later we are further back than when we started. She isn't violent towards me but has stuck fists through doors and stuff. I might ask her what she fancies for dinner and world war 3 is on its way because I said I dont feel like chicken or something silly. She will then change, I recognise this straight away by her breathing, twitchy behaviour, zoning out (daydreaming), the reach for a bottle or pack of fags and if its fags one won't do. I am not an angel but it is now at the point where I feel I am walking on eggshells around her. The latest thing is why I am asking for help because I love her dearly I really do but I need help on how to one: approach her about it, two: where to look for help and three: if there is anything wrong with her at all or is it me being to picky. This is how we currently stand. She said she was going out friday and saturday this weekend which doesn't bother me as such apart from the fact she told me she wanted nothing to do with me a fortnight ago then on wenesday just gone she she done the whole she has made a mistake wants me back apologised and I said if she wants our relationship to get better then we need to work on it. She said ok sounded all happy and that again. Friday came and she said that she would be round saturday so I could cook her dinner before she went out. I was delighted and eager to cook a nice meal to show I wanted to make an effort. She went out friday and we never spoke until the saturday morning. I asked if she had a good night and she told me yes great. All good are we actually getting somewhere. I asked what she wanted for dinner and got the stuff out she was off to get an outfit for that night then coming to mine to eat and get ready. By now 6 hours has gone its half 4 I havent heard from her so ring her mobile flat battery. Ring her sister as thats who she went with and they werent together so I rang her flatmate and just asked if she had been in contact he said no so left message. I then got through to her half an hour later and she picked up the phone and screamed at me asking why I was so controlling. I didnt think being concerned was a crime was just ringing to see if she was ok and what time she was over as it was getting late to which I got the reply. Why would I come and have dinner with someone who aint happy unless I am controlling her every move. I am now blocked on phone, whattsapp and fb. Please help me try and understand where I am going wrong or if indeed may be correct in thinking that maybe its not just depression she is suffering from. Look forward to some kind of response.

0 likes, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • Guest
    Guest

    Posted

    You are not going / doing something wrong, when she's manic she needs a babysitter and when she's swung the other way then you are expendable neutral
  • nickdaybyday
    nickdaybyday

    Posted

    She is so difficult to cope with at times but I need to try and tell her her depression goes further. Her sister has bipolar so was wondering if she would be at higher risk of having it to.
  • chrisxxx
    chrisxxx

    Posted

    Nick, do you have a 16-month old baby together? It sounds like you live separately - who does the baby live

    with? How old are you both? I don't think you're going wrong either - it sounds like the problem lies with her.

    Commendable that you still want to work things out after the way she has treated you - but don't get burnt

    out yourself!

  • chrisxxx
    chrisxxx

    Posted

    And yes she would be at higher risk, as you had wondered.
  • nickdaybyday
    nickdaybyday

    Posted

    Yes the baby is our child, we don't live together because of the size of the place she has is smaller than a studio flat. We are now that rocky that I dont think we would be able to live together. I dont even know whether I should say something to her or contact someone behind her back. She's 19 and I'm 26. She has a lot of history behind her which she seeking help for and I tell her to hold her head high and support her through this when she lets me that is. The baby lives with her but I help out as much as I can have them round mine at weekends and before I went back to work had my little one every monday and wednesday to help her out. I just dont know how to get the ball rolling without my making her sound crazy because she is sensitive due to her depression, but still I think it goes deeper than depression. I looked at the bipolar signs as her sister has been diagnosed with it. Out of 13 she regularly shows up to 8 or 9 of them and her behaviour imitates everything I have read so far. Thanks for your concern chrisxxx
  • lucynewas
    lucynewas

    Posted

    Why don't you book an appointment with your GP or health visitor and go together as a family. Then you can talk about some of your worries in safe environment. It is possible to get post partum (post natal) depression up to 5 years after the birth and the symptoms can be mild to severe. To me this should be excluded from the diagnosis before digging deeper (unless these symptoms were present earlier on in your relationship).
  • Hildegard
    Hildegard nickdaybyday

    Posted

    hello, just wondering if things are better now? I have bipolar 1 and really feel for you because it must be hell to live with! A few thoughts: the age gap - 19 is really very young and having a baby at any age is a huge life changing event for a woman, mind body and soul... A medical checkup might be a good idea as all sorts of physical problems can happen after having a child? ....bipolar runs in families but it isnt straightforwardly genetic: family dysfunction is just as important  a cause and if her sisters bipolar, was their childhood difficult, does she have good family relationships, if not you could be the only person she feels SAFE to "lash out at " or to really express herself openly - i know that makes it impossibly hard for you though! ....Also please have a think about alcohol, it makes depression a LOT worse, is she drinking more (or drugs maybe? many bipolar/depression sufferers self-medicate with substances when they are in pain). Above all, I would say be aware that you may be more help to her if you are NOT in a relationship with her - it may be better for you, her and most of all your child if you be friends and good parents. That way your relationship issues dont get in the way of communication and her treatment for depression. I know when Im ill it is simply impossible to be in a relationship - she has to prioritise her own recovery for the sake of your child. And itll take the pressure off you too - even if itll make you very sad. Good luck and I hope things get easier for you. x
  • livvyosc1
    livvyosc1 nickdaybyday

    Posted

    I have bipolar type 1 disorder, but the doctor would never stick me on antidepressants alone. She should be on some kind of mood stabiliser, because otherwise it can make her get too high and aggressive. Seek second opinion from specialist or cpn. Hope that helps. All the best .
  • livvyosc1
    livvyosc1 nickdaybyday

    Posted

    Sounds like atypical bipolar behaviour. Until I was on the right medication combination I was exactly like this. My husband has been wonderfully supportive and I am very lucky indeed. It sounds like she needs to be on some kind of antipsychotic medication still which she will be able to come off eventually and gradually. Also a mood stabiliser such as sodium valproate and a lower dose of antidepressants. Does she have a psychiatric nurse or support worker? Try and express your concerns at a time when she is not around? There should also be telephone helplines to give you advice. Try online? I have had this for 14 years so have become a bit of an expert on the subject. Don't give up. It will get better. You are being very brave and well done for giving it a go. My husband has seen a huge change in me and sometimes says that he is able to forget sometimes that I have bipolar type 1. We have two children also. Hope this helps.
Back to top

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.