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I've been together with my husband 8 years. He's a piano player and a music/theatre festival organizer. He's been diagnosed with sclerosis multiple 10 years ago.
One month ago while I was away to another country (10 days into a work related trip) he went to visit and old music teacher in the hospital, who suffers from another type of sclerosis (the rampant aggressive type) and found him paralyzed. He went into a total breakdown, wrote me an sms saying he wanted to leave me and when I called him he broke crying saying he wanted to spare me that situation, that he would 't get to that stage...and do on. I calmed him down and the crisis passed. After few days he wrote again saying he was depressed, couldn't sleep for days, very agitated, anxious...all because a big investor asked him to organize some gigs and he began to fear that he could fail. He's been waiting for years for a break line this in his work. We talked it through and he seemed calm again.
Less than 3 days after this second episode he wrote that he has deep feeling for another musician -a woman who just started playing with him- and that amidst the confusion and anxiety she is the only thing calming him and giving him positive emotions. He asked me for a break to decide between me and her.
After a week I took the first flight home. For a day we talked and he was unstable, crying a lot, coming in and out of dark places. This was a Sunday. On Monday he asked me to take away my possessions from his house and give him space. He left me to it but after 2 hours he phoned that he would come back and work things through because no fantasy is worth the risk of losing our beautiful reality. He cryed and asked forgiveness and kept saying that I'm his soulmate and his balance. Two days like this and I though we recuperated the peace. On Wednesday morning he told me he needed to pursue thus woman and see if it's fantasy or not and told me he doesn't feel attraction towards me..that he loves me but it's not enough cause he needs the high emotions this woman provides.
I told him he's talking about her like it's some drug and he aknowledged that it is a strong obsession controlling his mind. I lost my senses and fainted and woke up without him but with his mom holding my hands. He had gone to work (in a library).
That same Wednesday I had to go to the hospital to help a friend and finished around noon when I decided to go to his work and see how he is. I found him there with her -the other woman- she stepped out and he told me it's finished, that he is deeply sorry and that he would look me up in the future. I went out and saw her. She stopped me and asked to speak to me..she then told me she isn't interested in him, that it's all a fantasy in his head, that she felt pleased by his attentions but that she has a boyfriend and would not leave him. During this time he kept crawling near us. She asked me to go out and speak and he kept watching us from far the entire time. After 2 hours she said that she "lead him on" and she felt sorry but that its's nothing more than that. She asked me to accompany her to tell him this. We went to him, I left them to talk still hoping that once he listened to her he would get a shock and realize he almost lost me for a stupid fantasy.
She exited and left and I entered to talk to him. I have never seen him so enraged ..his eyes were as those of an animal in attack. He began shouting that he hates me, that he never hated someone do much...that I ruined his chance of happiness, that I had a devious plan in manipulating her into backing out. I tried to reason with him saying that I went there by chance not knowing they would be there together but he kept shouting that I had my revenge and that my pay is that he would never return to me ..that his first thought in the morning would be that he hates me and the last thought at night that he hates me. I kept saying that I love him and that he isn't ok but every time he kept becoming more aggressive.
Today is one week later and he blocked be from any means of contact, I had to take all my possessions from the house. His and our friends keep writing and calling me saying he is losing it, that he is not him, that he is offensive and gives strange answers, that he seems on the verge of a breakdown.
He pushed away his family also and some of the friends he knew I felt close to. Last night he told a mutual friend who asked about me that it was months that things Weren't going well -even though until that visit to the professor he kept saying he wanted to get married because I am his soulmate, that I abandoned him and that when I came back I did something terrible for which he had to throw me out of the house. This friend asked me if I was the one caught with a lover as he seemed to be the victim in this breakup.
What do I do?!?!? He doesn't even want to hear of counseling, he thinks he's ok and that I'm the root of his troubles. He is emotionless, he acts as if he completely removed me from his mind, his emotions, like I never existed and never mattered. I am trying to reach out to his friends, his mom, his brother since I am not allowed near him....
I fear that if he doesn't break down he will end up really bad...or that he will find a new equilibrium inside this unstable state and that he changed for good. What do I do?!?!? I love him or like he is now but he is unrecognizable...have I lost him for good???
I still hope he wakes up one day seeing clearly and remembering he loves me. But as he is now isolating me away and auto-convincing himself that he hates me ..he is impossible to reach. I believe that only a real breakdown could make him return to himself...but what if this doesn't happen????
I'm desperate...please...what can I do????
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