1. Community
  2. Infections
  3. Genital Herpes Simplex

I thought my life had ended but it's hasn't..

Posted , 8 users are following.

kirsty90629
kirsty90629

I am 22 and have been dealing with herpes for about 3 years now. It happened when I was in a new relationship during oral sex, I couldn't believe it had happened to me and I still can't now, I felt although my life had come crushing down and everyone was looking at me different and looked down on me. I broke up with the guy and have never looked back as I feel so much resent towards him. Everything changed from that day and I thought I could never have a trusting relationship again..

I have now been in a relationship for just over a year and a half. I carried on as normal and protected him from getting it or knowing about it.

As our relationship progressed and got more serious, I felt the need to talk to him about it after 1 year, yes it was the scariest thing ever, but I knew I could trust him and thought that if he wanted to just up and leave then I would completely understand.

However, to my surprise he didn't even flinch when I gave him the news, he loves me and it doesn't change anything he said!

Now we are engaged and he cares so much for me, at first he was more intrigued and asked so many questions about it, which some of them I didn't even know the answers too! And now he looks after me and even looks to see if the flare up has gone, sometimes even blowing on the sores for me! He has literally made me feel like a princess which I thought I would never get again.

I think looking back to how low and disgusted I felt towards myself, I have now over come the feeling of being 'dirty'. Its made me the strongest I have ever been! People don't understand it unless they have it I think. (Unless your a doctor obviously ha)

We just need to remember that, at first it's the scariest most painful thing ever, but every year it does get better and I hope that when people read this, there is hope for everyone to find trust in someone they want to be with and find it in them to talk to their partner!

We are now trying for a baby but recently miscarried.. But during the midwife chat I had to explain about herpes to her and my fiancé was so understanding and helped me finally bring myself to say it. It's really not that bad now and knowing that my friends and him can treat me exactly the same as everyone else, makes me feel even more loved then before. 

I'm proud of what I have been through because it's made me the person I am today.

2 likes, 17 replies

17 Replies

Next
  • scott1776
    scott1776 kirsty90629

    Posted

    That's such a great story Kirsty

    Thanks for sharing 

    • kirsty90629
      kirsty90629 scott1776

      Posted

      Thankyou! I just want people to know that it's really isn't the end of their life! X
  • paul92131
    paul92131 kirsty90629

    Posted

    That is very inspiring Kirsty. I am currently trying to start a relationship with someone but I can't find it in myself to tell them what I have got. Every time it comes to sex I manage to stop it from happening without being too obvious. I want to tell this person but really don't know where to start. 

    I have had herpes for 3 years too. I take aciclovir every day to prevent any outbreaks. I feel fine while on the medicine but as soon as I stop I know it won't be long before it comes back. 

    It's great to hear that there is people out there that understand. I'm not sure if I would if the shoe was on the other foot. 

    Good luck with the future. 

    • kirsty90629
      kirsty90629 paul92131

      Posted

      I thought exactly the same, I thought no one would ever understand but you have to remember that its not your fault at all!

      Talking to someone you love or are close to helps so much!

      I don't take any medication and actually found this forum today from searching around about herpes. I never new there was any medication and at first I couldn't even bring myself to say the word herpes.

      Everyone is different and everyone has there own problems but it's how you deal with them and what you do to protect your partner from getting it that counts.

      I said to myself I won't say anything until I know full well that I can trust this guy, and now I wish I told him sooner because he has helped me so much!

      If you want to wait and hold off from telling someone then do it! It is yours to tell no one else's and it has to be the right time for both of you.

      I made sure there was never a chance I could give it to my fiancé and I'm sure you would do the same! 

      Have fun and be safe because a year down the line, knowing its not just a fling, that gives you the confidence to explain. It's a big step for you too!

      Here for a chat any time smile

  • e1993
    e1993 kirsty90629

    Posted

    This is a really inspiring story Kirsty!

    My situation was very much the same, caught by oral sex (with the second guy i've ever slept with!) and I have been angry at myself ever since knowing that my life has changed.

    I'm intrigued though, did you hold off on your sex life for a year before you told him? I've been seeing this guy and i'm tempted to call it off rather than tell him the truth about my herpes. It's such a difficult and awkward conversation to have and even thinking about having it with anyone makes me feel sick.

    Any advice on how to tell someone would be great because so far it's just me that knows!

    • sandra1986
      sandra1986 e1993

      Posted

      My situation was very much the same I caught by oral sex three years ago.

      I was seeing a guy for a three months before I told him I had herpes. The funnies thing is I was expecting to be rejected but to my surprise he accepted me unconditinally the way I am which made me cry. In fact, he'd even bee reading up on it. He really wants me to get better! The other day, he received an email that a cure for herpes was discovered. I thought he was taking the p*ss out of me! I'm yet to start the program so not sure how it works. But I'll report back here once I complete it. 

      I found this great video how to tell someone you have herpes:

      Hope this helps!

       

      Emis Moderator comment: I have removed the link as it was to a site unsuitable for inclusion in the forums. If users want this information please use the Private Message service to request the details.

      http://patient.uservoice.com/knowledgebase/articles/398331-private-messages

    • kirsty90629
      kirsty90629 e1993

      Posted

      Don't think like that hun!

      Remember that it wasn't your fault that this happened to you. And who says you need to tell him now? 

      Just enjoy yourself and protect him from getting it because it's way too soon to even think about telling him!

      Nope we had/have a great sex life and he completely understands why I didn't tell him at the beginning! 

      I made an excuse, I had my time of the month or was poorly.... but lying like that is for his own good to protect him! And he understands and is grateful for that now. 

      He says he forgets about it and it changes absolutely nothing (: xx

    • kirsty90629
      kirsty90629 sandra1986

      Posted

      That sounds great Sandra!

      After 3 months he is still understanding wow (:

      I'm sure there will be a cure in the future but what do you mean start the programme? Let me know how all goes! X

    • sandra1986
      sandra1986 kirsty90629

      Posted

      I was very hesitant about telling him. Anyway, it was probably easier because I'm not that into him and all that. If I were emotionally attached to him I'd probably wait forever! 

      I'd bought this e-book that claims to cure herpes. It focuses on eating the right food and taking herbal supplements. It's a three week programme. I haven't even started yet!

      I'd stocked up on garlic (it's a very potent anti-viral) and vitamin C supplements for now as they are said to improve the condition.

      I've done my research on the Internet. There are dozens of people who claim that they have been cured of herpes. I'll test every thing out there I can put my hand on! Maybe I'm naive but I believe that one day I'll be cured.

      I'm happy it worked out for you with your fiance. I'm sure next time you'll get more lucky in your attempts to conceive.

      All the best!

  • natalie87190
    natalie87190 kirsty90629

    Posted

    your story is so amazing!! I've recently started seeing a guy and I havent told him and we've had sex twice. I feel horrible for it as I haven't told him and we've used protection so hopefully we should be okay but I feel like such a terrible person atm I daren't tell him in case he runs. Any advice would be muchly appreciated sad(
  • sandra1986
    sandra1986 kirsty90629

    Posted

    Natalie, I think it all depends on the relationship you have with each other. Only you and only you know when the time is right. For some it might be before you get intimate with someone as it was in my case or after as it was in Kirsty' case. I think you know your guy better than any of us here. If he truly loves you he'll accept you the way you are. If not, then he's just not worth to be with you. End of the story.

    Just think that if he was the one with herpes would you leave him? I don't think so then why stress yourself so much about it? If he'd rather not be with you then he's just not worth your time.

    Depending how you look at it herpes can be a blessing in disguise as it makes us  make all the right choices when it comes to relationships. 

    • natalie87190
      natalie87190 sandra1986

      Posted

      it's still early days though so i wouldn't say love comes into it just yet!

      This is one thing I've noticed a lot whilst looking for advice, a lot of poeple mention love when telling people about herpes but my problem is I really really like him (its only been about 6 weeks) if he ups & leaves he may not be worth my time but I'm so scared of the rejection which seems inevitable.

      I wouldn't leave him no, but I'd be concerned for my own sexual health at such a young age, I'm only 21 and I've never told a sexual partner I have it.

      I just know the stigma is so terrible about it grrrrr

    • kirsty90629
      kirsty90629 natalie87190

      Posted

      I think you need to come to terms with it yourself first and stop worrying so much about of because it can stress you out even more! 

      There's is absolutely no rush to tell this someone, you can use protection and be really careful. You need to think that this is you now and whether that person accepts it or not, it's still gonna be you and tbh I would hate the rejection full stop but it's how the other half takes it on board that will make your confidence grow. 

      My fiancé was my first partner I told except from the person that gave me it. It took a lot of guts but it was such a relief when I did.

      Take care of yourself and don't be scared because it just stresses you out more! Xx

  • Sassy2543
    Sassy2543 kirsty90629

    Posted

    I love this story! My situation is very similar. I thought that my life was over and that I was "dirty" and "damaged" because of catching herpes. I don't even like to talk to the guy that gave it to me because of the resentment and his denial that he gave it to me. 

    I am currently in a relationship with a man that I absolutely adore. Telling him about having herpes was the scariest thing I have ever done, but when I told him, he didn't care. He looks at me like I am beautiful, parades me around like I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him, and we are currently trying to have a baby! Three months later and still know luck.....but I am keeping the faith! smile

    Sometimes the best things come out of bad situations. Having herpes is definitely not what I wanted, but it has shown me that there are good people in this world that know how to look beyond the stigma and see who I truly am. I am stronger. I am wiser. I am HAPPIER! 

    I agree 110%, Kirsty! Life is not over.... in fact, it gets so much better!

    • kirsty90629
      kirsty90629 Sassy2543

      Posted

      That's amazing!

      Yes yes yes completely agree, I feel although I can cope with anything and having my fiancé helping me along the way is the best feeling ever!

      It's the people that don't know about it that annoy me because they think they can have an opion on it when actually they have no idea what's it's like! 

      Very happy to hear all these amazing stories and people that have coped so well! Well done everyone, we are not alone!! (:

Back to top
Next

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.