I've become scared of sex

Posted , 3 users are following.

Hi all,

When my wife and I were first together we used to have really good sex. But since we've moved in together (3 years ago) it's obviously not been the same due to running a household, work schedules and other life stresses. However in the last few weeks we've stopped doing anything. When we try, its awkward, and feels like we are just being polite to eachother with how we are behaving. She's said to me that she feels like she doesn't even know what she likes anymore, and I'm the same. It's not like it used to be at all, it all used to be so natural and I didn't even think about it. Because of this, every time the prospect of being intimate comes up my stomach churns and I get flustered and I just really don't want to try because every time we do, I'm obsessing over whether I'm being weird and awkward, which makes me weird and awkward. Which then makes her awkward. And then cycle is complete. I've lost all interest in sex, i just find the whole idea too much trouble. Even if we weren't having these issues, the whole concept of sex now just seems like so much effort for very little gain. I don't even find the idea of sex with other women appealing, I'm just completely off the whole idea. I don't even have the enthusiasm to masturbate, again, effort vs gain. I'm not sure how i got from having really good sex, to having average sex (when we moved in), to being scared of it completely. It also doesn't help that I don't like the fact that now we live together with our schedules, sex can really only happen at the end of the day in bed when you're about to go to sleep. When I'm about to go to sleep the last thing I want to do is start getting all 'busy' I just want to sleep. We decided that we would try just doing other stuff to relax, taking sex off the table for the time being, but even that's stressing me out. Ugh! I hate this I just want to have a normal sex life again! Everything else about our relationship is great, so that makes it even easier to just ignore the sex problem.

Any input would be valued.

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    This does not sound unusual. You do not say how old each is, nor how close you are to the "7 year itch"

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  • Posted

    I'm 27 and we've been together 5 and a half years

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    • Posted

      You guys should go on vacation and leave everything behind. If that doesn’t work and you can’t find excite, love or a sex drive and a good time, it’s not the stress, it’s the partner or you both are getting older faster. Welcome to the responsible adulthood... but to be honest, ask yourself or each other what common goals are you looking forward in seeing the next 10 Years and match that with common interest. 
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  • Posted

    If the reason you got together has disappeared, what is keeping you together by way of common interests etc?  Just think there were over 100,000 formal divorces last year in UK and ONS say the average length of a marriage in E & W is between 10 and 11 years.  Clearly not every partnership works.

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