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I've been depressed and anxious about my relationship, any advice?

Posted , 7 users are following.

katiebug866
katiebug866

For the past 3 weeks or so I have been having doubts about my relationship. Let me give you some background.

My boyfriend and I met on Facebook dating. We have been together for a little over 4 months. I have always jumped into relationships quickly. I moved in with him about a month after being together, and before that I spent as much time with him as I could. Everything felt so right and I was extremely happy until about 3 weeks ago. Nothing that I can think of caused me to start feeling this way, it just started one day.

I knew that I loved him a couple weeks into the relationship, and he knew he loved me.

I lost my job due to the company going bankrupt and my other job because of COVID, so I was completely alone at the apartment while he was at work. My boyfriend is in the Navy, and he received orders to move to Guam next February, and the plan had always been to move with him to Guam when the time comes. I was super excited about this and I could picture our future together- moving with him, getting married, having kids, being there for him when he would come home from deployments. I just knew that that's what I wanted.

3 weeks ago I started having doubts about whether I loved him or not. It just popped into my head. I would cry and tell myself that that wasn't true, and that I do because I know that I do.

I have been diagnosed with moderate/severe MDD and generalized anxiety for the past 7 years.

The thoughts would come and go and I would feel better when he was home. Then the thoughts became more frequent and my mind keeps trying to convince me that I don't love him or want him when I know I have and do.

I've been torn up about it. I tell him everything and he is so supportive and caring. I feel like I don't deserve him. I can't picture my future- with or without him, and I think that's because I don't care about myself.. I have abandonment issues and my therapist tells me that it's me trying to self sabotage. I don't want to leave him.. but for the past few weeks I have been in bed crying, I sleep for hours, my appetite comes and goes. I start to feel better once he gets home and we talk, and I'm good for the rest of the time until we go to sleep, and when I wake up the whole thing starts all over again. I don't want to ruin this relationship. He is so good for me, and everyone tells me I deserve him. I just feel like my feelings arent fair to him. it's not fair for me to feel unsure and not know when he is so sure. I don't want to make any rash decisions. I can't picture myself with anyone else- I don't want to. I want to be there for him, and have that life with him, just sometimes my mind tries to tell me I don't. I am trying to do better and fight these thoughts. I don't want to lose him, he is so great for me and is just so caring and understanding. I want to go back to being my happy, outgoing self, but now all I want to do is lay in bed and not do anything until he gets home, and I've lost interest in anything at all.

Sorry for the rant.

I just want advice on how to make it through this. I know I love him, just sometimes my thoughts overwhelm me.

Also, I have been off meds for about a year or so, and I am trying to start taking them again.

0 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • sam18386
    sam18386 katiebug866

    Edited

    hi katie bug, i sort of know how you feel. i spend lots of time alone as my husband is an essential key worker. i find myself occasionally thinking he would be better off alone without me. but when i think about this i go out and walk. and walk and carry on walking. this lockdown doesn't help but you have to something for you so you can cope on a daily basis. have you got the chance to get out every day on your own? is there somewhere you can walk? do you have friends around? you must break this cycle, it will help you long term. i wish you luck it's hard i know but it's not forever we hope and you'll then feel better like all of us.

  • inam76384
    inam76384 katiebug866

    Posted

    Respected Katie

    Feel sorry to read your present condition but one thing i am sure is every challenge has its own opportunities attached....

    We all are humans and we have a very caring creator who wants us all to be connected with him ....in these tough times you read some good books on stress management and one great book which claims that it is not written by humans is Al-Quran..as a caring brother in humanity I sincerely request you to read it too....google Quran Translation in English by Mohsin khan or any translator.

    I am optimistic this reading will give you the required peace of mind you are looking for.

    Regards,

    A Brother in Humanity.

    Inam

  • shruthi76084
    shruthi76084 katiebug866

    Posted

    First I suggest to you is to spend some time with happiness. when you are alone, it is common that these thoughts gonna occur, but make sure don't let those thoughts occupy your mind and life. Stay calm, and think once again. This is my advise.

  • joshuapryce1987
    joshuapryce1987 katiebug866

    Posted

    I think you should take less medication when you go back on it. Although higher dosages are better for the mental state, they also force the mind to operate properly only with them.

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