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I’ve been depressed for months. Is there no end?!

Posted , 3 users are following.

Jaclyn1983
Jaclyn1983

It feels like if it's not one thing it's another.

I have been struggling with infertility depression on and off for the past three years.

I finally say "hey! I am going to start taking care of me and doing what makes me happy".

Then I became horribly sick for two months straight. I missed my favorite holiday/month because of feeling like crap.

I moved past that. I decided my job is part of the reason I am miserable (a huge part of it). I talk to my husband and tell him I want to go to school and open up my own dog groomer/training business. He supports it.

A week later... my boss retires and is replaced by a jerk. THEN my husband gets hurt on the job. They refuse to give him workmans comp, hes been out of work for two weeks. All of the bills are on me. And there's no sight for him getting better, his back is just getting worse.

so... we went through this a couple of years ago. He was fired from a job and I was the sole provider for a while. All of our savings is gone again. we haven't had sex in two months (and were technically newly weds we were only married a few months ago), and once again i am stuck in a miserable job i hate. And now i get to miss my second favorite holiday....

i understand missing holidays is a stupid part of my depression. I get that its not his fault he us out of work again. I understand not everyone was meant to have kids. I also know that bad stuff happens to everyone.

I am just so angry....sad... depressed... i just want to know if it will ever end 😦

1 like, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • diane98246
    diane98246 Jaclyn1983

    Posted

    Hi Jaclyn,

    I’m sorry to hear about your struggles with infertility and the resulting depression, as well as the terrible things that have happened in your life.

    Missing holidays is not a stupid thing to be depressed about if it is something that means a lot to you.

    And of course you have every right to feel depressed about your life. We all do. But that can’t be the last word.

    It sounds like a bit of cognitive therapy might be useful to you in order to help you ‘beat this thing’. Definitely sounds like some rethinking is called for and some guidance as to shaping your future, both immediate and distant.

    I was one of the people with depression who failed utterly to turn things around because I didnt know to seek help and I preferred to self medicate with alcohol. Now I wish so badly that I had reached out, gotten therapy and proper medication and done something to turn my life around. Had I done so I would not be on welfare today as I go through my senior years.

    • Jaclyn1983
      Jaclyn1983 diane98246

      Posted

      thank you so much for your comment. it really is appreciated. I have devised another future life plan for us and luckily we have a lot of support.

      as we spent the weekend doing nothing but playing games and playing with the dogs i realized something, my husband, who doesn't handle stress well at all, is happier and more involved. so if his employer fores him for filing a claim we'll get through it we always do. I've been miserable in my job for 10 years, i can wait a few more before following my dream.

      it just sucks that it feels like a never ending downward spiral. I Cannot thoroughly express how much i appreciate your honesty, self experience and openness. THANK YOU

  • sam18386
    sam18386 Jaclyn1983

    Posted

    hi jaclyn, i know what is eating you up inside, because infertility rips you to shreds, i only know because i have been there. i still grieve for the chance that i lost because our hospital infertility unit were so rotten! it's every woman's right to have a child. i am still having counselling 7 years because of this because a really deep seated issue sparked all sorts of problems once i was told no they resparked. it's sounds like everything else is making this issue feel 1000 times worse. you keep thinking one day my luck will change, but it doesn't. the icing on the cake was that my cousin announced on new years day she was having a baby, it's broken my heart. her mum has terminal cancer, as a member of a wider catholic family i now looked like, well i don't what you'd call it! it's heartbreaking. i am the same as you, stuck in a job i hate after so many years ill! i wish you some luck. poor you!

    • Jaclyn1983
      Jaclyn1983 sam18386

      Posted

      Thank you so much for sharing your story. It makes me feel better knowing other people are going/have gone through/understand the issues. At least we are not alone in the world. sending love.

  • sam18386
    sam18386 Jaclyn1983

    Posted

    aw bless jaclyn, we have never given we are fighting for a bigger property so we can adopt. we are NOT taking no for an answer. good luck.xc

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