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I've been having trouble sleeping due to my depression. I've been sleeping at 5-7am almost every night. I don't know what to do. I'm just so unhappy with myself. I'm so young, 15 years old. I look at others my age at their achievements and enjoying life. Meanwhile im loathing my life and have zero motivation. I hate myself. I have had depression for such a long time. At night I can't stop thinking about everything.
When I was molested multiple times at the age of 4-7
When my mother tells me she regrets having me
When my teachers and guidance counselor looked at me confused why I have been doing so terrible in school despite being one of the most intelligent students.
When I was called names back in middle school. (I know it was a long time ago but it still hurts)
When my mom yells at me for forgetting to do something and reminding me of how much I am disappointing her.
I've been just breaking down a lot and I just really want to be happy. Leave it all. I feel like a burden to my friends and family. I try to ignore my mom's comments and voices in my head but it's so hard. I want to one day have a good 8+ hour sleep at an early time and not be up crying and regretting my existence. I am sorry if my writing is a lot more than what was needed or if it is hard to understand because I didn't edit it because it hurts to reread everything I wrote. I just really want someone to talk to and I feel terrible about myself.
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