I've been depressed for so long. I don't know how to cope and I can't sleep well.

Posted , 6 users are following.

I've been having trouble sleeping due to my depression. I've been sleeping at 5-7am almost every night. I don't know what to do. I'm just so unhappy with myself. I'm so young, 15 years old. I look at others my age at their achievements and enjoying life. Meanwhile im loathing my life and have zero motivation. I hate myself. I have had depression for such a long time. At night I can't stop thinking about everything.

When I was molested multiple times at the age of 4-7

When my mother tells me she regrets having me

When my teachers and guidance counselor looked at me confused why I have been doing so terrible in school despite being one of the most intelligent students.

When I was called names back in middle school. (I know it was a long time ago but it still hurts)

When my mom yells at me for forgetting to do something and reminding me of how much I am disappointing her.

I've been just breaking down a lot and I just really want to be happy. Leave it all. I feel like a burden to my friends and family. I try to ignore my mom's comments and voices in my head but it's so hard. I want to one day have a good 8+ hour sleep at an early time and not be up crying and regretting my existence. I am sorry if my writing is a lot more than what was needed or if it is hard to understand because I didn't edit it because it hurts to reread everything I wrote. I just really want someone to talk to and I feel terrible about myself.

2 likes, 5 replies

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Hang in there KylieM

    speak to your gp about how you are feeling they can recommend counselling or medication to help you.

    take care

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  • Posted

    Oh Kyle, try and be strong. Dawn is right, please go to your Gp for advice.  Also sit down your mum and tell her how your feeling. I was put on a very mild anti depresant a few fonths ago and feel much better. Dont get me wrong, I still have bad days but more often than not its quite good.  Chin up babe. Just think, "it wont last for ever". x If you need to ask me anything, and i mean anything, please dont hesistate. x

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  • Posted

    Hi Kylie

    depression sucks! I have suffered with this for quite some time! You need to see your GP and find a med that can help you with this! You have a lot to deal with right now and you need to address these feelings! Please contact your doctor today! Medication will help!

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  • Posted

    Hi Kylie. I dont really know what to say other than, hang in there. It wont be like this forever. One day your gonna be president or something and you'll look back at your mom and all the kids in middle school and think "Haha jokes on them!". When i read this i thought of the song that goes "someday, ill be living in a big old city, and all your ever gonna be is mean" i dont remember the name of the song, but thats what i thought of. Dont hesistate to message me of you need to talk. All hours of the day and night im here to listen.

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  • Posted

    Hi Kylie - so sorry to read of your dilemma sweetheart. Everyone here has the same advice for you and it's the first step you need to take - talk to your doctor. Ask that you be referred to a counsellor/psychologist (don't let the medical terminology scare you, they are there to talk) Be honest with them. You are at a difficult time of life - transitioning into a young woman, hormones running rampant, pressures of school, what society "expects" of you, and the peer pressure of your age group. It is tough, and it has been made tougher by actions like that of your mother, the most important role model of any young woman, who is constantly belittling you. What she is doing is wrong, and is probably nothing to do with you but rather how she feels about herself. Most unhelpful.

    You talk of being molested at a very young age 4 yrs - 7 yrs which would ruin trust of others and mess with self respect. It's no wonder you are feeling so down. You may have depression due to this and the powerlessness that has resulted, along with all the pressures put on you by adults who are expecting so much from you and ignoring your damaged state.

    It's most important that you find a safe place where you can discuss all these things which is why a counsellor/psychologist is the best fit. If you need medications to help even out your mood, the counsellor will be able to refer you for an evaluation. Medications are not a permanent solution, they are part of the toolbox that can be used to assist you. 

    You are doing the intelligent thing by reaching out. Your future deserves that, and like Charllee has said, one day you will be queen of all you survey and those that tried to cripple your journey will still be the bitter, twisted creatures they are. Hold your head high, Kylie, there is plenty of help out there for you. The first steps will be difficult, but the rewards will be enormous. Be kind to yourself.

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