I’ve been depressed for the past 3 years….. I can’t take it anymore…..

thank you for trying to be helpful, but at the age of 36 i neither want not i can start learning and building a life. I have wasted the best years of my youth and i will never accept the only version of me it's possible for me to become. I'm not looking for anything, like advice, except for maybe a chance of occasional ranting, while I'm getting enough courage to end it all. It sounds very pathetic, but for some reason suicide is not as easy for me as it is for some people.

I hope things are alright for you.

and I'm Irina, btw. Not that it matters

hi irina. i'm Sam. i am not preaching, telling you what to do, passing judgement or telling you the shoulds or shouldn'ts of life. i am reaching out to listen nothing else. i can't live your life and wont. can i ask one thing - have you got a suicide/end of life plan? it's up to you. if you have any of these i can't do much except say make sure someone knows, if you want. you don't need to answer to anyone including me. if you don't have a plan there's still hope. if you are hurt by what you do think if it will hurt anyone else that you really care about? if you are physically hurt let ok after cuts etc properly otherwise they could get infected. i do understand a little as o have tried to walk the road as i said or hoped that i didn't wake up somedays it's a horrible place to be. only you can decide what's right. i hope you contact again.

Nice to meet you, Sam I have a plan i now consider my plan B. It's not as peaceful as i want it to be so I'm currently working on my plan A. I understand that my death would probably be devastating to my mom, but I'm too selfish to stay for her sake. Besides, she's the one who's been supporting me financially so i believe she'll be relieved. I'm glad to hear that you're doing better now. i hope it will remain this way

i am glad you commented back. anything i say will make no odds. i just hope your short would have been all you wanted. o think your mum will be devastated. it's tough having someone financially stable do know what that is like. i have been unable to work since 2011. it's broken my heart that i have no future legacy, no children, no house, no car, victim of multiple assault. i'll say no more. see you on the other side!

see you on the other side!!

or here on this world maybe? your decision.

nothing is here for me in this life:)) it's full of pain and disappointment

the more you speak the more i like you.

why is that? lol

likewise!! you seem pretty cool and chill:))

i don't know but i get the feeling you have been dealt such a rough time, you need to let it all come out without judgement or come back. that's honest. i like it!

hmm. i think i made the wrong first impression 😃) my life was never hard. there were no hardships. Nada:)) I'm just unhappy with who i am and with the life i live and there's nothing more to it I blame nature for the looks and brain i got i blame no one for the life i have. and what's the point of being not honest??:))

you've made an honest impression. life was tough to you, you are who you are and you'll do what you see fit. nobody tells you what to do and shows a strength NOT a weakness as you won't be pushed around. good on ya!

can i ask why you think life was tough on me when im saying it wasn't?:)) it really wasn't. i was never a victim of any kind of abuse. i have wonderful parents. they werent perfect, but they're pretty great.

i am not quite saying that, i am saying YOU feel life has dealt you bad looks and brains! who told you this?

hmmm. I see. it just seemed like you meant it as if i've been through a lot cuz i have not..... i can't recall right now if anyone ever told me that, but I'm not blind. i can tell. and i look around andi know ive been scammed in brain department

bless, you are cleverer and more insightful than you think. good luck, whatever you do. don't go down my road and walk in it! i have been through a hell of a lot, but i'm speaking to you about you, not me!

i appreciate your kind words. what do you mean not to go down your road? what road would that be if i may ask?

i wanted to not be alive! i wanted to run away from the problems i have. i said i try to understand! if i can do it you can try?

hmmm. I see. But my personality is not compatible with life i can have or the looks i have. My problems are not resolvable. when there are more downsides in life than upsides, to me it means life is not worth it. But i'm really glad you were able to turn things around!!

i'll be here as long as you need. you can say whatever you like. my assault was not resolvable, i have been left childless. like you it's from the heart.

Hi Irina, it seems that your life has not provided you with the challenges required to build the toughness you need to overcome your current thoughts. This is what Sam is trying to explain, that life can be much more difficult and unfair and making it through those difficult times creates the strength to face them in the future rather than give up. You making it through this difficult time will assure a much happier and stronger you. You choose your actions and you face the consequences that come with them, that is the core principle of learning and the main reason you are here on Earth. If you don't learn this lesson in this lifetime you will be back to learn it in another.

Appreciate your input.

Whatever my life has been, it has been.

I also believe in pro-choice strongly. I don't owe anything to anyone and I'm allowed to do with my life whatever I choose to.

I'm not religious. I don't believe in afterlife. But i believe that death doesn't care if my life provided any challenges. I believe it's not judgemental. And I believe it will embrace me, unlike this world has.

hi stefan, i get you! i think some people can be helped and some don't want to engage in this. i wonder if anyone has ever asked irina if she wants to engage, because it appears after talking to her for some time that she doesn't want to engage or she's giving the impression she doesn't. you can choose irina - life or not? that's being honest!