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I've been feeling down and today I made a difficult decision

Posted , 3 users are following.

justbeingme2
justbeingme2

I have been very down and going through the motions the last week. I've thought about the loss of a loved one (they have decided not to stay in touch) and I've been thinking of my two young sons.

I will apologize now as I may be all over the place.

I was diagnosed bipolar about 10 years ago. I also have attention deficit disorder. I am separated from my husband since 2013. I live in a different state from him and my entire family. I am currently a single mother of two boys (11 and 12). I have just been feeling sad and my ailments have gotten a bit worse (I suffer from rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia). They suspect I may have lupus but its a false negative so far but I have many of the symptoms to include extreme sensitivity to the sun.

For my ADD I take strattera. For my bipolar, I take Latuda, as a mood stabilizer I take Lamictal and gabapentin for anxiety. I take other medications for my other ailments.

I don't use my illnesses to stop me from achieving goals and I am going to school to eventually help people who are experiencing what all of us are going thought in our daily lives.

However, the last two weeks have been emotional for me. I've lost someone I love, I worry my boys are growing up without a father figure, and my illnesses. How fair am I being to my sons? I've cried as this has been a difficult decision but I'm going to get back with their dad. They don't have many friends and financially we are struggling. They have no family near so I've made this sad and difficult decision. I know I'll never be completely happy but I'm not happy with my situation now.

I just needed to tell someone because I have no one to talk to. I'm thinking about my sons. Once I graduate from college, I will find fulfillment by helping people. My sons need as "normal" an environment as possible. This is all so difficult and its just so sad right now. Thanks for reading!

1 like, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • jennifer01077
    jennifer01077 justbeingme2

    Posted

    Hi there,

    Your post really brought out a lot for me, the hard choices we have to make, how hard life can be sometimes. How sadness is part of life. Some choices we have to make. Especially for parents like you. You seem like such a brave person. And so honest about your sadness. Bipolar and ADD are hard things to live with, I have a friend with both, so I see a little. Bless you, my heart goes out to you.

    • justbeingme2
      justbeingme2 jennifer01077

      Posted

      Thank you! Life has been hard and not always fair. I have my boys to think about. Thanks for your reply. It helps to know there are people out there to listen.
  • VCSL2015
    VCSL2015 justbeingme2

    Posted

    Hi I am in a similar situation i have adhd and am bipolar. Can i ask if the anxiety medicine works for you? Im taking Qutiapine with moderate results.  Keep on keeping on it sounds like your making positive steps to help your sons.  Sometimes we cant do it all on our own.  If your husband isnt abusive its okay to receive help.
    • justbeingme2
      justbeingme2 VCSL2015

      Posted

      Hi VCSL, yes, gabapentin helps. I take it three times a day. It made me tired when I first one began taking it but my body has adjusted.
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