I've been having thoughts I wish I never had. What is it and what should I do?
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I've noticed this pop-up a few times over the past year, however it's been an issue I've had a decent chunk of my life, mostly since I started to explore the Internet alot more independently in 2015 outside of sites and services I previously used (These services joined from 2015 onwards being stuff like Twitter)
Whenever I've been pd off at somebody specifically, I've found that often in the rage, my mind goes to something related to death. For example, if this person is persistently killing me in a game, I'll think "Why can't they just go away and die alone you piece of trash" or other harm to family members. I hate these thoughts I've had. Usually I can brush it off but sometimes I get so pd off some of the stuff gets vocal, for example somebody was being a smug piece of crap and I said "Who'll be laughing when there's a knife in his throat?" From there, I've constantly felt guilty over the thought. I try to suppress those thoughts but then I was playing a game, and was getting annoyed with it only to wish death on the people who kept annoying me. I hate that I think this, and I don't know what it is.
It may be OCD, as I also constantly obsessed over thinking I was arrogant due to being proud of some stuff I made, to the point where I couldn't have normal conversations without something in my head making some arrogant response only for me to shut it out and hate that I even thought that. However the fact that when I'm angry I can let all these thoughts go without any regret until the aftermath concerns me alot more.
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