I've been having weird episodes, and I'm not sure what they are, or how to stop them.
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This has been happening for a relatively short time (6 months-ish) and what happens to me during these periods varies greatly.
Sometimes they are triggered from memories/flashbacks that I have a hard time controlling, or when I'm in certain situations that remind me of things I wish I could just move on from/forget. I've been told by my therapist that I have PTSD induced dissociation due to past traumas/ongoing traumas, which sort-of lines up. What doesn't line up is when these things happen and there is no trigger present. I can just feel myself fall into it.
There is a distinct feeling I have before I fall into an episode, sometimes I feel it seconds before I'm thrust into it, and sometimes I feel it minutes beforehand and I slowly slip into it. The only way I could describe the feeling would be like the world around me has shifted. I start to be more hyper-aware of certain things, while others are completely nonexistent to me.
Once I'm in it, my symptoms vary. Sometimes I lose a lot of mobility, jaw will go very slack, and I have an extremely hard time moving/talking on my own. On multiple occasions I've had to be moved by a friend. If I'm standing I have to sit down. If I'm driving I immediately have to pull over or risk semi- paralysis at the wheel.
Other times I get overstimulated and have to remove myself from noises/textures or else I have a mental breakdown. Other times still I will get super high strung and be unable to look at myself in the mirror out of fear, and will absentmindedly cause myself harm (which is extremely upsetting in the aftermath once I've cooled down).
Another reaction I have is having to avoid certain things or do them in a certain way to be "safe" (I'm not sure what from).
The more it happens, the more I don't feel like its dissociation, as what I see online doesn't seem to include these types of things. I do feel disconnected from my body in a way (when its the semi-paralysis and lethargy) but this isn't always the case.
I'd be grateful for any help that can be provided for me, as I'm very exhausted from not knowing what to do or when it'll happen next.
0 likes, 1 reply
sam18386 Addie1231
Posted
hi addie, i don't know what has happened to you as you haven't explained what your trauma is caused by. this seems so sad! i have PTSD, my symptoms during a flashback aren't like yours and what really frightens me is i unlike you get no warning. i can get awful nightmares, which thanks to really intense counseling have lessened somewhat, but the flashbacks are something else. i can get those anytime any day. you need to spot the warning signs you are getting. since you know what these are breathe deeply through them, find a really good distraction technique - there are masses online and use whatever works best for you. lots of these methods are visual but mine are written because that's what works best for me. you need the method to bring you back into reality and quickly. the most important thing is to either write about what has happened or talk to someone. as you have PTSD can i find out if you are seeing a PTSD counsellor or anyone at all. i had to have 2 lots of assault counseling as assault blighted my life. at times this still makes me feel exceptionally sick, shaky, tearful and very scared. just make sure you take care of yourself post flashback. i don't know if you friends know but maybe be honest and tell them if you can. i don't know how old you are and when the trauma occurred originally but you will get there. contact back if you have to. this forum group are great!