Posted , 5 users are following.
So a little bit of a background of myself. I am 25 years old and I think I am severly depressed. I was a happy kid with no life problem, no debts, and smart kid being enrolled in prestigious university. However, at 20 years old, when I was in college, my parents got divorced. As much as I always faking it to be okay, but deep down I am crushed. From then on my life went down the hill at 1000 miles/ hr. I started drinking alcohol untill I got really wasted, p*ssed my best friends off due to my lunatic behavior when drunk, kicked out of the club trying to pick a fight with rich guy in the club. Then things really went down as since my parents divorced, my dad lost hope in life and his business was in a brink of bankruptcy so he did not have money to support my education anymore. I started taking $10,000 debts from friends and family and $49,000 loan from university to finish my university degree but I just did not know what I was doing (feeling lost and do not belong in a certain way) and failed majority of my class which I then proceed to drop out of the school with only 1 semester left before graduation in hope I can do my own internet business. So I was in debt of $50,000 and that money went down the drain because it was supposed to get me a degree but I failed myself and quit.
At this point, my motivation level was still pretty high because I wanted to try to do business. But then again I failed at every attempt in internet marketing business, I just feel doomed in life like no matter what and how I tried, I always failed. Then I realized that maybe business is not my area of expertise so I tried to play online poker because I feel I'm pretty good at it but again, I blew around $2500 (from the money I borrowed for my business).
Right now, I don't have any motivation in life. My friends despise me, my family think I am a failure. I sold my laptop, I sold my watches, I sold everything to keep me alive. I hate meeting people now, even my best friend. I hate talking to people and I hate interacting with people. So doing business is no more interesting for me because I really hate to go back and forth to satisfy the customer. I want to play online poker because I don't have to interact with anyone and I know the money is good, but then I was crushed in the game. Now I am stuck, I don't know what to do in life and started to read how people decided to suicide and is it worth it. I tried to do the bipolar testing and my result is acute bipolar I disorder. I can't go to psychiatrist, I have $0 in my bank account and over $50,000 in debts, have no degree, no business and nothing. I am living with my grandparents on budget. I still can eat and sleep because I live with them, but I am a huge failure. I lost 80% of my friends because I can't pay their debts and always run away when they chase me. I am timid, don't know how to handle all this situation.
I was bright young man, but now I just like to die. Please anyone, can you help or give me suggestion how to approach this problem?
1 like, 4 replies