I've been wishing to go deaf for 3 years now..

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Ever since I was fourteen, every day noises torture me to the point of wanting to just end it. Noises such as high-pitch screaming, bus brakes, and squeaky screen doors, bumping of people going up and down stairs, and big chairs are the main sources of my suffering. No one else cares or understands, and some people torture me for it. A professional ENT did a hearing test three years ago and told me my ears are perfectly fine. So I've tried earplugss. Nothing worked. All the noises go right through them. I have no ear wax, and my hearing just gets worse the longer I live. I used to think I had hyperacusis, but doubts it. Maybe I am just cursed. There is no other explanation. I will always be miserable and suffer.

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16 Replies

  • Posted

    Forgot to add: The problem is not in my head as many people have been telling me.
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  • Posted

    Hyperacusis and Misophonia are very similar in their symptoms and are difficult to treat. Do you live in a noisy environment?  Its often thought there is an underlying cause of tension and anxiety which can make the hearing very sensitive.  As its 3 years since you had your ears tested, do go back to your doctor and try to see another ENT specialist.  There are some speculative treatments such as sound deconditioning and also Cognitive Behavioural Therapy CBT.   I'm sure its not "all in your head".

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  • Posted

    If you are in UK you dont need a parent with you for a visit to the doctors.** Just make an appointment and go on your own. Everything you say will be highly confidential and will not be divulged to anyone.I'm guessing you are about 17[?] and are obviously responsible enough to be concerned about your hearing and general health. this is obviously making you unhappy and needs attention. Sometimes extreme stress can make noise seem unbearable. Do you think this may apply to you?

    **I know its slightly different in other parts of the world where insurance is involved**.

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    • Posted

      I'm in America, and yes, I'm 17, but it's definitely not stress causing my sensitive hearing. I could be sound asleep and relaxed and then I'm suddenly woken up by loud bumping noises. My guesses are because I don't have ear wax, or it could be hyperacusis or a disorder. Or I could be just cursed if there's no other explanation. I have to have a parent to take me in America.

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  • Posted

    Hi Giggles,

    It does sound like you might have Hyperacusis.  This can be a symptom or a condition.  Do you have pain that lasts after the loud sounds go away?  Do you have any other symptoms (ear fullness) hear your own voice loudly when you speak.  Any noise induced dizziness.  

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    • Posted

      No, but I suffer a great discomfort during loud noises. A lot of times, I end up getting a headache afterwards. The sounds be so loud and unbearable that I feel like sticking a pencil in my ear. Especially the bus brakes. They're torture. When I first got this problem, I thought I had hyperacusis, but the ent said I was perfectly fine, but I still suffered for three years after that. Apparently he was wrong. I asked my mother if she can take me again, but she says she won't be able to because she has to work on week days.

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  • Posted

    Is there no way you can go to the doctor on your own?. if you really are reliant on your Mother taking you then you must somehow try to get her to understand how much this affects your life.
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  • Posted

    This is not the right solution to get rid of screaming of buses or other vehicles. If you use headphones, earphones than it may have an adverse effect in a slower manner, but you may never be able to hear if you carelessly do those which are not acceptable. 
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  • Posted

    I have a hearing test scheduled on the 25th of January now. I'm still wishing to go deaf because my family refuses to listen and understand why noise bothers me. They never had sensitive hearing, yet they get mad at me when I complain about the noise. I wish they had sensitive hearing and could see the pain I go through every day because they just don't care. They claim that I make loud noises too or that I'm just knitpicking, but they call me stupid for wishing I was deaf when they're just making it worse. My sensitive hearing is getting worse the longer I live. Everyone keeps saying "you can't stop noise. Noise is everywhere", but it just offends me because THEY'RE not cursed with the problem. I'm just hoping the doctor finds something because I can't keep living like this! My life is nothing but torture now ever since I got this problem 4 Years ago. My family never listens to me about it, and I'm starting to wish I lived by myself. There's never a day that goes by where I'm not woken up in the morning by a loud bumping of people going up and down the stairs or my 7 year old brother making a high-pitched noise. All I see my family as is a source of my torture because of this. It became another source of my depression because it's like no one knows about it or has had sensitive hearing. My appintment is 24 days away... I dont know if ill even survive until then. I'm dreading returning to school. If this audiologist can't find anything through the hearing test, then I might as well give up and find painless ways to go deaf. My problem is already making deaf people look like they've been blessed with luck and making even death look like way out. I was to the point of banging my dead on my desk from all the noise when I first got this problem. I get to the point of crying because no one else understands, and I'm the only one suffering from this. The worst part is my family refusing to care. They just see me as knitpicking or an enemy of fun. I'm only 18, and I'm already hating my life. All I'm able to do is wonder what I did wrong to deserve suffering a life of sensitive hearing.

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    • Posted

      Forgot to add: I am driving now, so I am away from the torture trap aka the bus. I still suffer loud noises at school, home, and anywhere else, especially kids. My sensitive hearing has lead me to no longer like the presence if kids, and I can't even feel safe around babies especially. Spending the night at my grandmother's house by myself with just her finishes the torture, but then I'm plagued by people motoring by her house which makes it hard to get good sleep. It literally sounds like a motorcycle gang driving by. At home, I would have to be by myself for peace from the torture except for the squeaky plumbing. I would drive to my appointment on the 25th, but I will probably need my mother for the insurance it requires. It seriously took a lot of begging to convince my mother to get me this kind of help. My grand mother has sent me a pink noise CD, but it's hard to get to it when I live in such a noisy enviorment. I have to wait til my brother goes to bed at 9 and hope that my mother isn't in the kitchen fiddling with the cabinets and pots and pans or glass plates. I can't be in the same room with a loud bass. I wear earplugs when I clean the dishes because of the loud clanging noise they make. I may be able to drive, but it doesn't stop my problems from getting any worse. As long as I'm stuck with this problem forever, I will never be comfortable again. This is my life since I first for sensitive hearing: I have my TV turned down because of high pitched noises that sound on some of the shows I watch, I stay in my room most of the time especially when my older cousin comes over with the babies, my mother thinks of me as a bully to my brother because I get mad at him for stomping up and down the stairs and making high noises, and I am always angry and depressed having no choice but to take my anger out on them for not listening and understanding or even caring that I suffer from loud noises every day. She brings up all kinds of excuses disregarding my loudness discomfort by saying that i was in orchestra with the so-called squeaky instruments when I first got sensitive hearing, but that was FOUR YEARS AGO, and we didn't even play songs with notes that high anyway. She uses her experience against me and denies my problems. The only reason she is even taking me to get help is to shut me up or because grandma probably convinced her to even get me help for this. The worst this problem gets, the more it drives me away from family. I used to be a happy and loud child in elementary, but now I'm a miserable and sensitive-eared adult about to graduate high school. If anyone had family advice that has to do with sensitive hearing, I don't know... My family doesn't even believe I have this problem. They think I'm just finding something to get mad at them about. Maybe I'm just the black sheep.. Either way, I'm desperate for help, and I'm wishing to go deaf for relief.

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    • Posted

      Sounds like you have a symptom or condition called Hyperacusis.  Did this start due to loud noise exposure?  Do you have other symptoms like dizziness hearing heartbeat etc.  I also have sensitive hearing.  After the noise goes way do you have lingering pain?  You are not alone.  There are a lot of people dealing with this.   Let me know if you need help finding others.
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    • Posted

      I don't know. It just happened when I was in the middle of 8th grade. Noises just started getting louder, and sometimes, I do hear heartbeat mostly when my shoulder is pressed up against my ear. I also get a headache or a bit of lingering pain after suffering so many noises at once without rest... At first, my mother didnt believe me. She thought I was acting. Then the doctor said I was perfectly fine, so I resorted to earplugs when the condition started worsening. Now, 4 years later, its to the point where earplugs don't help anymore. I'm now scheduled to get another hearing test on the 25th, and I'm hoping the doctor finds something. If not, then I'm resorting to finding ways to go deaf. My mother keeps saying that it's just me hating noise or that its in my head, but it can't be. I just hope this audiologist can find something and a way to help it, or it's over for me. I would be doomed to a life of suffering unless I go deaf.

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    • Posted

      I understand the use of ear plugs, even though my noise sensitivity has improved, I still carry these with me and use them on occasion.  Sorry these are not as effective for you now.  You should read up on Hyperacusis.  There are online support groups for this where you can get support and help and ask questions from others going through the same thing.  Hyperacusis is a physical not a psychological problem.  For many people, it is caused by acoustic trama ( being exposed to very loud sound).  There are other conditions that have Hyperacusis as a symptom like Superior Canal Dehiscence (SCDS).  I have sensitive hearing from SCDS.  It would be a good idea to get tested for this to rule it out.  To get this testing you would need to work with an ENT Dr.  Both Hyperacusis and SCDS are rare conditions.  It is very possible that the Audiologist might not have experience with these.  It is good to do some of your own research so you can advocate for yourself.  Make sure during your hearing test to mention SCDS.  It is good to have bone conduction hearing measured to the lowest sound level the machine supports (below 0dB)  Some hearing tests stop testing at 0 which is normal hearing because they are looking for hearing loss.  However people with SCDS have supernormal bone conduction hearing that is much better than normal.   Make sure to start a file and get copies of each test result.   Don’t give up, it can take a few Dr appointments and maybe more than one Dr.  These problems can be difficult to diagnose.  One thing to be careful of is to avoid test settings with noise levels that are painful for you.  Loud noise exposure can make Hyperacusis symptoms worse.  Be sure to inform the audioologist of your concerns and stop the test if they use sound levels that cause you pain.   I am happy to keep in touch, I am so sorry that you are going through this at such a young age.
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    • Posted

      Sadly, when my audiogist tested me, she said my hearing was normal. She referred me to an ENT to see if she missed anything important. I highly doubt that he or she qpuld find anything... Thia was my only hope for help of this problem, but no one seems to see any problem.. There's just no help for me. Maybe I'm just cursed. There's no other explanation for my suffering besides hyperacusis, and everyone claims my hearing is normal. I will be seeing the ENT on Thursday. After that, I plan to go deaf when I get older. I'll just donate my ear drums when I get the money. Cause I just can't go through my life suffering like this anymore. I give up! Unless there is a way I can "magically" gr rid of my sensitive hearing, my only option for relief is going deaf.

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