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I've felt detached from everything for years, how do I get back?

Posted , 4 users are following.

christofer11986
christofer11986

Hello I'm 20 years old, going on my 21 in about a month. I'm very young, yes but I've been through a lot. The thing with myself is I tell myself that theres no reason to be upset and to keep pushing (which I do) but lately my anxiety has been eating me up. I have panic attacks way too often and they drain me. I've been in group therapy, individual, hospitalized, and now I'm back in therapy again. She's great and I think she can truly help me I just need to know I'm not the only one feeling this way because I feel so detached from everything around me, things I love, and myself. It's like my head is in a fish tank and I see people smiling or laughing and it stabs me. I have intrusive thoughts that feel like they're not my own either saying horrible crap that I would never truly say or my head just races and races sounding like a bunch of different voices and it's like I have no room for my own voice to think. It's driving me crazy. I want to be able to feel okay and present in moments because time seems to flash by faster in this state of mind. I started getting anxiety attacks when I was 15 and I was diagnosed with OCD anxiety and depression at 13. My first OCD fit started when I was 9 years old. I've realized from past therapists that the OCD could be a form of wanting to be in control and feel safer because my childhood was full of traumatic experiences. And I know that your brain does all of this trying to "help" sometimes but it just makes things worse. I want to think again, feel again, be interested in things I love again. I feel like I'm too deep inside of my head that my body doesn't feel like my own and the world around me is fading. 

2 likes, 2 replies

2 Replies

  • borderriever
    borderriever christofer11986

    Posted

    I suffered a brutal childhood and that followed me all through my life as most of my problems were instigated by family, school and work. My problem was my family knew everyone I mixe with at school, work and college. Even Lecturers knew my family and they would be told what I had been up to. Eventually I was medically retired and stopped work at 38 until my retirement proper two years ago. I mad some massive changes and had been doing voluntary work for quite a long time ago.

    Generally now after massive changes I feel a great deal better although I suffer chronic pain most of the time.

    All I can really suggest is try and move on, if you need to make changes, even if they are hard to do, go for the changes. You may find you become more happy withing yourself and move on

    Give it a go, it may be the best way to move on to a blue sky

    BOB

  • bytheseaside
    bytheseaside christofer11986

    Posted

    Hi. I can relate to certain aspects of what you're saying, definitely. I wonder if mindfulness meditation could help? It's a form of peaceful concentration where you focus on the breath - it helps to quieten the mind. Over time it's helped me become less impulsive which is good. Look into it if you haven't already. It might bring you some inner peace or at least quieten the thoughts somewhat. All the best. 

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