I've had depression for 8 years. What can I do?

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Long story short, I've been in a hole ever since my mother passed away from cancer 8 years ago. I held her hand until it happened and the second I saw life leave her eyes, my own life felt like it ended. I could never go back to how I was and who I was. At the time I was 14 and I had given up on trying at school as well. The teachers had sympathy for me but everything changed when I started highschool. Teachers had normal expectations of me but I hadn't made any improvements. I was still depressed. So I only managed to pull through 2 years of highschool after which I dropped out. I didn't make any friends there and so I was alone. My relatives (mom's side) put the blame on my father for what had happened to my mom and so there was no support from there either. After spending 2 years inside the house, doing absolutely nothing besides sleeping, self-harm and playing computer games, my father had decided we needed to move and so we moved to another country. Things haven't changed, if anything everything got worse from there. My father made some bad decisions and so we started losing money. A few months later I tried ending my own life. I failed. A year later I lost my one and only comfort that was my PC. It broke and we were too poor to get it repaired. Months later we lost our apartment which forced us to move in with my uncle, on my dad's side. We were strangers living in the same house. He was a terrible person, and so I could not seek help from him either. Months after living in a tiny bedroom my dad took out a loan and we managed to rent our own apartment but without furniture. I am still considering suicide. I am still all alone. I am still unable to adapt to this new country I live in. I still don't know the language. I still have no friends or family I could get in touch with for help. I cannot afford special treatment. We are still poor and I am only falling further down. I've started losing myself and I have nowhere to turn. I've lost my will to live.

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  • Posted

    Hi sambarbershoe,

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologise for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.


    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The organisations below can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen. If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to one of these organisations who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.


    There are several helplines in the US which can help you.


    They include the Crisis Call Center on Phone: (800) 273-8255;


    Hopeline Network on Phone: (800) 422-HOPE (1-800-422-4673)


    and the National Suicide Prevention Hotline on Phone: (800) 273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).


    Please do reach out - there are many good people who can help.


    For users outside of the USA please have a look at this page https://www.befrienders.org/directory


    Kind regards,


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  • Posted

    You have to contact a Psychiatry or any mental clinic to get the proper diagnose. It sound to me like you have depression. there are a lot of medication that can help you to deal with your situation..
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  • Posted

    Sam- from what you just explained it would be understandable that you feel hopeless and helpless- your father, his job as a parent is to provide and create safety for you- and he doesn't seem like he's doing a very good job of giving you support and guidance. What country did you move to? Is the language difficult/ does your father speak it? If it's a good country- finishing up school there might be an option if you immerse yourself in it actively. If not, and this sounds like hell to you- there might be other options to get your GED online- possibly look into that. You sound like you are still very young- is contacting your aunt in the US still a possibility? Since you don't know anything there maybe she will be willing to provide you with a few years of shelter from your dad?  You can mention that you are without proper access to care and opportunities. I would look for any kind of  counselors you can find- I can provide you with some resources if possible- but they're only for people inside the USA. As the person mentioned below there are resources that can connect you with jobs, doctors and shelters if needed. Take care and be well. 

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  • Posted

    Hi, ive been through loosing a parent (ten years ago when i was 10) and it has had a strong impact on the rest of my life too, dont speak to that side of the family and in the long run it has caused depression, anti depressants have helped alot if you can get a diagnosis even on little money mental health is extremely important!!
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