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I've made mistakes , but I need genuine advice

Posted , 5 users are following.

hannah15221
hannah15221

Hi everyone....

I'm really embarrassed, I've messed up I Get it. Please don't comment negative things. I'm completely aware of my actions and i have excepted the consequences.. But expecting them does not in fact make them easy. So farther more I will give a tad back story to help you understand why I'm facing difficulties. Pretty much I lost my virginity at 13 (i get it dumb choice so moving on) at 14 I was diagnosed with GH. I was devastated. The guy I lost my virginity to was not the same as who gave it to me. (Once again please don't judge). I received it from someone who was 22 (he lied I was told 19 which wasn't better I was a baby) when it happened he didn't use a condom I asked him "aren't you going to use a condom?" He replied " I mean I trust you aren't you good?" I obviously said yes . But obviously he was a piece of scum to manipulate someone so young (yes was still my fault but I was young and naive) I am 20 now. Emotionally when it comes to this topic I'm pretty messed up emotionally. The man I lost my virginity to is now my current boyfriend he knows he excepts me and my actions I made when I was younger . We've now been together for 4 years and plan to get married we are very much in love. Even though he excepts me when he wants to become sexual with me and I'm having a outbreak I can't have sex because it obviously painful. How can I tell him "I can't" . Usually when I say I can't he does "why period?" I kinda look down ashamed and say "no". This is very embarrassing what is a better way I can say I'm having a outbreak without it being so hard. Also , past choices are emotionally harder for me then ever . I'm no where near the same person anymore at all what so ever. I'm literally a straight edge and kinda lame now rolleyes it basically scared me obviously for the best . I'm very conservative , drug free , which is not like my past. I was young and felt alone. When my brother hated me (due to thinking I was the favorite because me have different dads) I just wanted guidence , a male figure to teach me to tell me right from wrong. That's how this whole thing happened is what I realize now being older. Even at 13 I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the man I lost it to but when he moved away (yes 13 I knw people say you can't be in love but look at us now lol) I was devastated tried to force myself to move on , heart broken and kinda with rage the next guy messed me up obviously. I guess I'm looking for words because I still feel guilty him with me . He could have picked someone else and never had to deal with this. I know he made the choice but I loved him so much when we linked back up at 16 I couldn't bring myself to let him go. I told him of my medical issue before we were sexually active again. He just loved me he excepted me. Someone please help me get over this guilt . And help me to better word when I'm having a outbreak. I've made a lot of mistakes but I'm human to , I hope there's someone out there who will look past my poor choices and give me good genuine advice. And I thank you very much for taking time out of your day to read this at all. Stay blessed

0 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • Guest
    Guest hannah15221

    Posted

    It does sound like you still carry alot of guilt, shame and embarrassment about your previous actuons that have gotten you into your situation. But sadly most people dont learn many lessons until they experience it firsthand. So unfortunately especially with HSV2 i think alot of us realize how careful we have to be sexually, afterwords! Dont feel bad please because everyone has their own things theyv done that theyve regretted. Ive had several different sexual partners and not always used a condom. Well it wasnt until after a lesion did i realize i needed to change my sexual activity and the way i wanted to start dating. I think you should feel good about yourself and your character for telling your bf that you have hsv2 before becoming sexually active! That says alot about your character and its admirable. It sounds like your bf is really understanding about this and has still wanting very much to be with you so i would embrace what an awesome relationship you guys have even with this! Btw i first became sexually active at age 15. I know ppl have at earlier and later ages. My friend is also still a virgin at age25! So its all ok if we learn and can acceot it and move onsmile good luck with everything!
  • cartercali
    cartercali hannah15221

    Posted

    Hey sweetie.

    Me and you are going through something similar.

    I lost my virginity when I was older tho ... My insecurities were very big , still are big.

    But Me and my boyfriend have been together since 2012.. Going on 4 years & he accepts me for what I have ..

    the person that infected me didn't tell me they had it & I guess if I would've pushed the rage to use a condom it would've been different .. But he knew he had it and he never once told me about what he had .. So now I'm just stuck with this lifetime virus ..

    And my boyfriend isn't infected with it .. So he is Good .. I feel like he can go out with any female and not once have to question getting this disease . It's a tough pill to swallow because you think your significant other deserves so much better and even tho they genuinely love you , you don't want to feel like you are disturbing or distracting their life and health ..

    It takes some getting used to ...

    I mean you guys have known each other this long ..

    I figured you would be comfortable . Just tell him you have a rash down there and your too sensitive ..

    Have you ever thought to take suppressive medicine ?

    That could help you a lot !!

    And suppressive medicine and one of the main things people use to minimize the shedding and if you don't shed you don't pass the virus on ., not very often

    You've had it since you was 13 ? Have you gotten a lot of outbreaks within that time span ? You don't communicate to the dude that infected you ??

    what did your parents say ? How do they feel about the virus that you have? You have type one or two genitally wise??

  • Idea
    Idea hannah15221

    Posted

    I think you are focusing on the wrong thing. It's true that you might have done some bad choices in the past (even though sex is a 50-50 responsibility activity and I don't understand how certain people would not have any conscience or care to protect their partner, as in the case of the person who passed it on to you ) but the past is the past.

    You need to look at the good things you have: your current boyfriends sounds very loving and caring. Apreciate that and don't forget it. He isn't your enemy, he's on your side and will understand you as long as you communicate with him. So maybe you could try talking to him and adressing this problem you have in letting him know that you are having a breakout. I'm sure that together you will find the right solution and that opening up to him will bring you even closer together smile

    I'd like to add one more thing and hope no one will take any offence ...because I'd be talking as a person who doesn't know what it feels like when having an outbreak (I don't have HSV) - If your outbreaks are milder and you are otherwise not feeling bad, you don't have to necessarily push your partner away. Sex isn't only a penis and a vagina activity. So don't see your situation as limitating , rather see it as an opportunity when you and your partner can experiment different things and enrich your sexuality. (To name one thing I've heard of recently - Apparently there are some erogenous spots on the back, that when massaged can bring you to climax! ) 

    So don't let that virus bring you down and most importantly, never let it come between you and the persone you love! smile

  • laura00728
    laura00728 hannah15221

    Posted

    Hi Hannah.

    If outbreaks and transmission are worrying you, you should consider taking suppression therapy.

    I've been looking into it myself and I'm planning to give it a go.

    From what I've read, taking aciclovir 400mg (acyclovir in the US) twice a day can stop outbreaks altogether and can reduce the risk of transmission by up to 94%.

    I was getting really down about my diagnosis but reading about this had really cheered me up smile

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