I want this pain and sadness to stop!!!!

Posted , 6 users are following.

Today has been a really bad day. Yesterday was good, first good day in along time. I called off work all weekend. I feel so sad, alone and hopeless. Worried I may be fired from my job, but the though of leaving my house is terrifying. I hate myself because i am allowing this illness to consume me. All I want is a little peace and happiness. Why me? Why can't I be happy like other people.

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Your not alone, depression can turn into anxiety and that triggers fear. I was once stuck in my house for 3 months, I would step outside on the porch and this overwhelming sensation came over me so I would turn around and run more or less back inside. My friends did my shopping for me I even got to the point I cut my own hair turned on the trimmers and cut it all off. I now have a wife 3 kids and still I get depressed a lot. I feel nothing I ever do or say is good enough or if I do it's going to be the wrong thing.
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    • Posted

      I feel like I am in prison. My thoughts are my worst enemy. Suicide crosses my mind a lot. I would not do that. But it seems like that us my only way out.
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    • Posted

      Trust me that's not the answer, I had the same exact thoughts and then I would think about all I had to live for and started seeing a psychiatrist and that helped me a lot. It will get better you may hit the bottom but you will bounce up and think I can do this, I'm better than all this negative thinking. Just don't give up!
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  • Posted

    Hi hes

    fear of leaving home is really common in a phase/section of your depression. You may not think it now, but I promise you that you will recover from this, and get the joy back in your life. How long have you been unwell for? Are you taking antidepressants, if so for how long? These factors all tie in and are usually part of the horrible journey many of us have trod or are treading.

    It's hard when you get a good day and wake up the next day to a rubbish one. It's so disheartening, but again it's part and parcel of this illness.

    Is there any chance you could get a few annual leave days from work? I think you could benefit without work pressure on top ♥

    Wishing you better

    god bless

    Lorraine x

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    • Posted

      I know it's a long process. I am seeing a therapist and together we are working through this. I want to be well now. I want to live life not simply just get by. My mind and thoughts are so powerful. I feel completely alone, unloved and worthless. I want to scream and cry. I hide my illness because so many people don't understand. My worst fear is someone will find out. I don't know how much longer I can be strong.
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    • Posted

      Don't try to hide it that's what it wants. If you have a friend who you can talk to I would sit down and let it all out, I had to tell my friends and family how I was feeling or I would of went insane talking to myself. They were very positive and had good feedback and understanding. Talking to my dr just wasn't enough.
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  • Posted

    Hi,

    Happiness is often all down to a state of mind rather than the circumstances we find ourselves in and the harder we try to feel happy, the more elusive it can be. Not everyone who wears a smile is happy inside so don't worry about what other people are doing or feeling - what's important is you own self-image. If you are honest with yourself I'm sure you are doing your best and you are not "allowing" yourself to be ill and feel depressed. You are suffering distress and if you weren't able to work this weekend, your employer will just have to understand and cut you some slack. Everyone is entitled to absent themselves from work if they are not well, on grounds of health and safety if nothing else. Try not to worry about what may happen; concentrate on your health without pressurising yourself into feeling better too soon - I've not come across anyone yet who can heal themselves through will-power ;-)

    You had a good day yesterday - hold onto that. There will be ups and downs and the highs we can experience make the valleys feel that much deeper. But that isn't the end of the story - there will be highs again. Are you getting any support at the moment (medication, counselling/therapy, Occupational Health via work)?

    It's frustrating but depression is sometimes like a maze or labyrinth - there is a path out of it but we just need to find that right route.

    Please don't give up hope. Ask for the help that you need to get you back on the right track. Wishing you all the best. Let us know how things progress.

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  • Posted

    Why me, but why not me. A friend of mine had everything money could buy plus 2 great kids and then at 18 her daughter was diagnosed with stem cell leukemia. She said to herself why me but also said why not me. Anyway the daughter is 35 now cant have children but alive and doing well.  Have you been to doctor for some help with meds. Find one that suits and the pain and sadness will ease and dissappear, just as the sun comes up every day.

    Be kind to yourself too.

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  • Posted

    sorry for sounding mean but WAKE UP  i have not left my home at all for 2 years as i have been in danger from attack my life is in danger do not stop your self from going out side i miss the fresh air so much when the wind blows through the window i stand there and smell it and almost get tears as i miss it so much. don't rob your self of out side for no life threatening reason
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  • Posted

    Hi Hes,

    So sorry you are suffering.  I can so relate to the prison and suicidal thoughts you describe.  One thing I could offer is that believing that you are "allowing" this illness to consume you, is like setting yourself up to shoot yourself in the foot every day.  It is like saying to the disease that you are powerless, but you are not.  Fortunately in this day and age, we have lots of avenues in which to seek help.  Depression is organic.  We cannot will it away, but we can learn to manage it.  Though the years, I have learned that when suicidal thoughts begin crossing my mind that it is time to go for help.

    The horrid thoughts that I am stuck forever in pergatory, that I am not worthy, that I am a nothing, that I will never make any friends, that I will never feel comfortable going outside my home, are all lies.  Lies this disease like to trap us into.

    It is wise to guard against comparing ourselves to others because other people are rarely as happy as they seem.  Everyone has struggles.  In general, others wear the same masks we wear.  You know the ones I mean.  Socially acceptable masks to avoid being rejected because of who we really are.  Those down pat common noncommittal answers we have rehearsed over and over to those socially acceptable noncommittal questions, like, "How are you?"  "Fine, thank you."  No one really wants to hear the truth.  Then we feel further alone and isolated.

    Hang in there and it looks as though you have several others on here who share your struggles.  This is the one place where we can speak the truth and discover that we are not alone.  Every little help counts.

    Take care

    Dawn, USA

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