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i want to be normal again

Posted , 6 users are following.

bill5337
bill5337

Damn I hate when I'm like this just feel so down can't concentrate so much going on in my head it hurts sometimes I think the citalapram don't work although I know its taking the edge of things.I just want to be normal again and cope better everybody thinks I'm such a fun person if only they knew the pain inside.

1 like, 17 replies

17 Replies

  • UK-Ven-medicate
    UK-Ven-medicate bill5337

    Posted

    I have been on Citalpram and it can take up to 8 weeks to start working. I tried it for around 3 months but it wasnt for me, more the side effects then the anti depressant effect. I also found it didnt help me with my anxiety.

    Its not for all but what I will say is dont give up give it a good chance to work, before going back to your GP or Pych Nurse. They should be on your side.

    • bill5337
      bill5337 UK-Ven-medicate

      Posted

      Been on it along time now jimbo maybe to long think I need to find an alternative med.know what you mean about side effects which don't help. The Anxiety's not good. Just nice to know there's people like myself to talk to the people from mind are great and the doctors OK but you need appointments for them.
  • dambudzo
    dambudzo bill5337

    Posted

    yes, it's not easy when people think that we are something that we are not.

    sometimes i feel like saying to them "don't be fooled into thinking i'm now ok". and it is exhausting putting on this act all the time.

    i think that these things DO work, but we expect more from them than they can do. I know i certainly do. i'm now on duloxetine, but used to be on citalopram. i saw my GP this week and explained to him that although it has picked me up off the floor, i am 'empty' inside. but alas it seems that there is no pill for happy/enthusiasm/interest/etc. 

    do you find that you feel envious of other people when they laugh and seem to be having fun?

    • Andrew_2007
      Andrew_2007 dambudzo

      Posted

      "Don't be fooled into think I'm okay now".

      That's exactly what I felt like saying today, I was managing to do some diy but I still felt miserable and I'm finding it difficult to happy about anything

      I probably do feel envious of people laughing and having fun, but more so it really irritates me when they appear to not have a care in the world when I feel really miserable. My eldest brother really irritates me as he just goes over the top, it would be better if he stayed at home!

      We have a family gathering on a sunday, last week I just stayed in the bedroom for 5 hours while they were all here. I'll probably make an appearance tomorrow but I don't know how long it'll last before I go upstairs.

    • bill5337
      bill5337 dambudzo

      Posted

      Yeah definitely especially when it looks so genuine and I'm laughing

      Along but feeling empty . do any of you guys ever get so frustrated that you get loud not violent but just easily annoyed sometimes.

    • dambudzo
      dambudzo bill5337

      Posted

      no. i just get very tired from all the effort.
  • laura52683
    laura52683 bill5337

    Posted

    I know too well what your all feeling, been up and down for 6 months now. Was on Citalpram but had so many side effects it made me worst. 

    Envious of everybody lately any bit of happiness brings me down, and I compare my life to theirs. 

    Been going counselling for about 2 months now. It is helping but it's unleashed a horrible past what happened in my childhood, involving my uncle. You get the drift but I managed to block it all out, not knowing what was right or wrong at the time and just dealing with it in my own way. 

    So just generally been a right mess lately, and still putting on a front. 

    • bill5337
      bill5337 laura52683

      Posted

      Laura I think a lot of our problems stem from our childhood .I was lucky in a way that I managed to confront my past which did help a lot

      Especially with the support of mind trouble is still got issues with things I've done to upset and hurt people part of me thinks people like us are really caring and that's why we can't cope with hurt pain rejection.what

      Happened to you wasn't your fault Laura you know that don't you ?

      Keep going with the counseling it does bring a lot to the surface but we need to empty that bin inside us so we can have good days which stops us doing anything stupid . wish I knew about these sites before as were all in the same boat and can support each other until we can go see our professional.keep strong Laura :-)

    • laura52683
      laura52683 bill5337

      Posted

      Thank u bill, people say that to me all the time, be strong I don't feel strong enough to cope with all the emotions it's all too much. 

      There's so much more to the story, my uncles still in the family and apparently happened when I was 4 and then when I was 7 which I remember, mum confronted him but it was a suspicion, until 3 months ago I sat down and asked mum what happened, that's when she told me something happened at 4, that set off warning bells then when I told mum the second time. 

      So it's been so many years since it happened I blocked it out like nothing happened but I'm scared because it's not that the whole family is going to know now and we want to confront him, because now I know that was wrong I was only a child at the time, but to bring all theses emotions up buried deep all theses years. I'm scared it will all be too much and I end up trying to overdose again. 

      Hate night time, you want to sleep but your mind won't, keep going over things constantly. I feel so angry at myself for not doing anything when I realised it was wrong and I had a voice. 

      I just can't deal with the emotions really. But I was generally depressed before all this came out and found out it happened not once but twice, that's why I was going counselling because I always felt down and sucidal. 

      Envy everyone's childhood and happiness at the moment. Trying so hard to be strong. 

    • bill5337
      bill5337 laura52683

      Posted

      He was the adult Laura he knew better its not your fault at least your

      Talking about it now its easy to say don't do anything silly when a lot of us are feeling the same way but we know it would be wrong right now I just want to get rid of all my pain anyway I can but deep down I know

      Someone will miss me so don't do anything I'm sure we can survive this we must there must be light at the end surely

    • laura52683
      laura52683 bill5337

      Posted

      That's exactly what the counsellor said I was a child and he was an adult. I say that to myself all the time light end of the tunnel. 

      My term is always hanging on by a thread. Just wish things were different. 

      This site has helped it's nice to speak to yourself and others about it all, writing in my diary is a bad idea lately. Just trying to take each day as it comes. 

      But I always feel aggy around others or just want to roll into a ball and shut myself off to the world. 

    • bill5337
      bill5337 laura52683

      Posted

      Stay strong Laura I got to go now think I need to speak to someone at the

      Hospital feeling so dark right now think my heads going to explode

      Can't get rid of this pain. You take care speak soon x

    • Reggie04
      Reggie04 bill5337

      Posted

      I just read your reply to Laura Bill and you sound positive and know what your on about even if you feel terrible inside you are a hell of a strong person..... You have helped me as I'm full of fear at the moment as I'm about to start having counselling. I did have a not so good childhood but that is life and nothing could be helped...

      Reason I'm about to have it is ?

      My daughter dosent want me in her life anymore? Hav'nt fallen out but she has ways dictated to me and treats me like the child and she is the mother. She is nearly 40, and stayed with me for a few months when she was flat hunting as she moved down from London. Has'nt spoken to me since end jan. we had some good times and once had a good r/ship, I'm grieving for my daughter who I adore. Understand if I deserved it?

  • Callamatie
    Callamatie bill5337

    Posted

    Hi Bill,

    Sorry your feeling so bad at the moment.

    i think that's the general effect with anti depressants, they don't make you feel completely better, they just take the edge of things.

    As well as anti depressants you need further support, like conselling.

    Is there anyone that you can talk to about how you feel? a family member, partner or friend?

    I think alot of us try to put a brave face on, until we are unable to do it anymore.

    Don't keep how your feeling to yourself, try to talk to someone, even if it's just on here.

    Is there anything that you do enjoy? hobbies etc? anything to look forward to?

    Feeling irritable and frustrated is a common symptom of depression.

    I'm currently trying to keep depression at bay after suffering for years, but im increasingly aware of how irritable im becoming.

    It certainly isin't easy, but you just have to take one step at a time, you can feel better again.

    Take care x

    • bill5337
      bill5337 Callamatie

      Posted

      Like you I've been suffering for years I'm seeing someone from mind

      Who are helping me until I can get someone full time . its great meeting

      People like yourself on here cause were all in the same boat in one way or another :-) last night and this morning has put a little smile on my face with lots of tears just knowing after all these years there is

      Somewhere else to go at anytime. I to have just started realising how

      Irritable I've become.thank you so much for your support it does make a difference. I do hope your feeling OK at at the moment thanks again it meant a lot finding all you people x

    • Callamatie
      Callamatie bill5337

      Posted

      Thankyou Bill, your very sweet smile

      It defintely helps to talk about how we feel.

      I'm always about if you want to chat x

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