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I want to be okay and i dont know how to and i just kind of want advice

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bryan64287
bryan64287

For the past 6 years, I think I’ve been depressed. I say I think because I’ve never gotten checked out for it. And I really don’t want to be one of those people who claim to have something, but in reality they don’t and are just projecting other people’s problems onto themselves because they want to fit in and feel like they can relate to people.

I have tried to get help and well I asked my mother multiple times if she would help by getting me professional help, but she just says okay and then the topic never gets brought up until I ask again. And it’s all just kind of confusing for me because when I ask, she’ll be nice and supportive, like “yeah, I can look into that” and like just gives me hope. But I never actually get it, so then I’m just stuck in this endless cycle of feeling really crappy, then getting so low I feel the need to ask for help, then asking for help, then feeling like maybe this time I’ll get it, but then it never happens and I’m stuck trying to keep going on with everything and then the cycle starts again.

It’s just a cycle I want to end because I can’t keep living like this. I’m not suicidal or on the verge of killing myself, but this life I’m living isn’t livable anymore. Now, again I’m not suicidal, I do have something to live for… Myself. I have myself to live for. I know that I can’t depend on anyone to fix me, I have to do it. But every time I try to, I always end up falling back into this whole that I’m stuck in. It’s a constant fight with myself that I know I can win, but I just can’t. And most times I want help or just support. I know I have to do this myself, but some kind of support would really be nice. Having a safety net to fall back on when I feel like I can’t keep going. But I don’t. I don’t have support or a safety net. And I should be my own safety net, but I think in all honesty I won’t ever be okay. Not because my issues are so hard and troubling, but because no matter what I need to learn to be okay with myself and all that, I hate myself, whoever I am now.

I don’t want to be me anymore. I just feel like I’m in a stalemate. Like I can’t make any move in life and am just stuck in this place of empty nothingness. And every attempt to reclaim my life and be happy, just fails.

It’s not that I am counting on my failure in life, but I just feel like the chance I’m gonna be genuinely happy and okay in life is kind of low. Like the percentage that I’m gonna be okay is like a 46% chance and I know it’s a good enough number for like my life, but that 54% just makes me feel like I won’t ever really be okay and I don’t know what to do if that’s the case, because I am only continuing with my life so I can see if things will be okay one day and if they’re not then I don’t know. I think I’m just gonna go back to being this person who I don’t even recognize and I can’t. I can’t live like this forever so I just need to find a way to be okay and find it fast and well, fix my life and myself and just learn to be okay with myself.

0 likes, 2 replies

2 Replies

  • jan34534
    jan34534 bryan64287

    Edited

    Bryan, I am so sorry that you are going through this and I am sure it must be very difficult for you. From what you are saying, sounds like you are stuck in this continuous circle that never seems to get anywhere. Depression can get a person into this seemingly endless loop with ups and downs. it causes people to ruminate which is thinking over and over again about how you aere feeling and over and over again about solutions that seem to get nowhere. that’s exhausting.

    dont Think about the percentages about being happy or anything like that.

    The thing is, you don’t HAVE to do this yourself! It’s not expected from any medical professional who helps patients with depression. that’s why they are there.

    It’s difficult to deal with this alone and you definitely need support now!

    you have a LOT to live for and you can feel a whole lot better with help.!also you sound like a very intelligent young man and you could truly have a wonderful life it’s just that right now you need help with this. remember that this life has it’s mountains and it’s valleys. We all go through the valleys in one way or another but we can climb out also. It’s not so much the problem as it is how we respond to the problem! How we are going to fight for ourselves. and how we find solutions.One day you will look back and be glad that you got support.

    Keep talking to your mother about getting some counseling. You may have to be relentless.

    are you Going to school? most every school has a counselor that you could talk to. It’s confidential. That’s one idea. Another thing you can do is go to a local church because very often they have free counseling and they can provide you with resources.

    Bryan, there’s a lot of help out there for you! If you were already an adult I would suggest going to a local community center where they often have free resources for counseling.

    tell your mother that many counselors do online virtual counseling sessions that you could do right at home! it makes it really easy for you and your mother!if she says she can’t afford it, and if you are in the US, just about every state has free or very low cost counseling.

    there are so many options. take one day at a time. Avoid negative self talk. Keep talking to your mother about needing support. Take care of your health. Stay positive. You might want to check out some great positive self talk you can find on YouTube. Please let us know how you are doing because we all care here! You CAN win! ❤

  • Lola82
    Lola82 bryan64287

    Posted

    hi there,

    I hope you are okay. You never said how old you are so I am wondering if you are able to go to a doctor appointment and talk to them yourself. It is very hard to do but feeling crappy all the time doesn't sound fun. I have anxiety and depression and went to seek help when I had a full on anxiety attack. I don't know where you live but Cognitive Behavior Therapy I found to be very helpful.

    I wish you all the

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