I want to die...but can't kill myself

Posted , 12 users are following.

I'm so miserable! I feel as though I've been depressed my whole life (when in reality I was diagnosed 15 years ago making it half my life). For years I've wanted to die. I've tried to hang myself and the rope broke, I overdosed on pills but simply felt sick and to be honest I'm not surprised because the truth is I'm too much of a pussy to actually kill myself!

When does life get better? When do I wake up and not feel depressed that I actually woke up or alternatively, when will I get the courage to actually end my life?

4 likes, 12 replies

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12 Replies

  • Posted

    Please, seek help from a doctor.

    Depression can get better with the correct approach. It is a chemical imbalance and once the problem is addressed you will be surprised how well you will feel.

    Don't suffer in silence. There is help, just reach out to the medical community.

    I hope to hear from you soon ! Best Wishes !

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  • Posted

    Hi T8T. I hear  your pain. I agree with the previous writer please call a doctor and get counseling and some meds. There is no use living feeling this way when you can get better!! Keep us posted we do care. Diane
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  • Posted

    Hi T8T - sorry to read of your suffering. let me make it a hat trick - make an appointment with your doctor asap, explain what is happening, and accept the help offered. Medications will help balance your mood but are only a tool, not a solution. Therapy with a counsellor or a psychologist may be necessary. These sessions will help you dig down to any issues that may be triggering your condition. You will learn coping skills, and a whole lot about who you are. These will assist you throughout life.

    Suicide is not an answer when you have not exhausted every other path to understanding and dealing with depression. I would suggest that the rope failure and then the nausea with the pills is a a message that suicide is not the path for you. It is not just a permanent solution to a temporary problem, it leaves devastation in it's wake. Make that docs appointment today. Best of luck, and we are always here to talk to.

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  • Posted

    Hi.  Yes, you must get help from a doctor.  I am 57 years old and have had many suicidal thoughts throughout my life, probably starting at 14 years old.  You are not alone in this.  There are millions of people in this world that feel like you/we do but we get help and we take one day at a time.  On the proper medication you will be able to function quite normally and not have those thoughts as much as you do.  And you are not a pussy.  I thank God that you never got it right.  I don't know you but you're obviously 30 years old only and you do have so much to look forward to.  Please seek help as soon as possible - like immediately - and you'll see how much better you feel in a few weeks time.  I'm sending much hugs and love to you today...

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  • Posted

    Hi again. T8T. I totally agree with Wayne!! That's my story in a nut shell. He's smart and has obviously had success at therapy as have I and have had relief from antidepressants. Please call a doctor today. Keep us posted. We will walk this walk with you! Diane

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  • Posted

    I really appreciate all your replies. It made me feel better even if just for a moment.

    Just to say, I've been to the doctor over and over, tried many different medications and therapies, CBT, group, one on one. Through my pregnancy and a period afterward (I have a 6 month old), I was seen by perinatal team. The list goes on. I've been diagnosed first with bipolar in my teen years, then depression in my early 20's and most recently with borderline personality disorder and anxiety!

    I keep trying to just be content but it's a struggle and I'm scared it's going to be a struggle for the rest of my life...hence the reason I believe I'd rather not live it!

    I know I sound ungreatful, crazy and probably selfish (as I'm not thinking about my little one and I'm waffling but I have so many thought, too many thoughts that now every day it comes to one thought that I wish I wasn't here.

    Hopefully it will get better

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    • Posted

      I am wondering if some of the trouble you are experiencing at the present is hormonal imbalances . I would be inclined to ask your dr.

      You are not ungreatfull,selfish or crazy. You are battling mental health problems.

      Hang in there!

      Virtual hugs !

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  • Posted

    Hi, so my name is Trista and honstely I'm not here to tell you what to do because I am battling the same problem. I hate my life and I'm only 18. Everyone says it gets better but I can't wait anymore. I relate to your story a lot, I just want to know how you feel now and what you did. I am very tempted to make another suicide attempt tonight, (no pressure) I just want to have some help and I think you might be the one.

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    • Posted

      Hi trista94294

      We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

      If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

      Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

      If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

      Kindest regards

      Patient

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  • Posted

    I am battling with the same problem. What is working for me are....

    a) cutting back on work hours. work is making me anxious and depressed. i only work 20 hours a week. financially its limiting but i'd rather be this way for now.

    b) setting up a daily routine as much as I can so I can anticipate the time of days I will be low and make sure I do something around that time to distract myself

    c) continue communicating with friends, even though I wanna just be done with life I force myself to contact them either through fb or whatsapp or whatever

    d) seeing a counsellor.

    e) exercise - it really does help even just a short walk a day

    f) forcing myself to feel hopeful about the future even though deep down I know its hopeless like whatevs

    i was close to attempting self harm 2 nights ago but thank goodness i'm in one of those lazy modes this week and I couldn't bring myself to move out of bed. please dont end your life as you have a 6 month old. im sure they are beautiful.

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  • Posted

    I feel the same life is so bad hate it
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  • Posted

    I have been trying hard enough to actually feel motivated to be alive. Impulsive adventures, unplanned trips and bingee eating. I hang out with my friends but at the end of the day, I still swallow 5 tablets of paracetamol hoping it will destroy my system and or slit my wrists. I dont know what else to do. I tried antidepressants but they dont work to me at all. Pls tell me an easier way to die. I figured things out already. I cannot be helped anymore. I dont want my family to know about this so pls help me find an easy way out without breaking their hearts. I just dont think I can still do this anymore.
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