Posted , 5 users are following.
Hello. I am 16 and I'm kind of done with life. I want to leave my home but if I do I'll probably just die so I'm just like why not now? I've lost hope in almost everything and today I was thinking about dying but I don't think I have the courage. Lately I've been crying every day but I can't let anyone hear me especially my parents because they'll just think I'm faking it. There are times when I can cry in front of them but I never truly feel better because I can't be upset because of them. Only things that aren't their fault. So what's the point in talking if it won't change anything. I cry so they won't hear me or see me.
I feel horrible. I hate myself. I don't do anything but study and I can't make people smile. I want all of these things that I don't have and I desperately want to leave this house even though I should be grateful because there are people in the world who are worse off then me. But sometimes I think I would rather have parents who beat me and I can yell at them or who neglect me than the parents I have now. I'm just tired. They say that they are stressed and I have no idea and I just want to jump out the window. Like I'm not stressed. I really just want to be done. I don't want to worry about anyone or anything anymore.
I really do try hard to be good. I am number 2 in my school. I don't yell and scream and slam doors. I make cards every time a holiday rolls around. I tell them I love them. It doesn't matter because I'm messy, and I'm slow, and I pull out my hair, and I pull away when she pops my pimples. Because I don't move around much, because I wake up with bruises on my chin.
I am just done. My mom and my stepdad really are perfect for each other. I lost hope in them caring and if they ever find this then oh well. I'll pray for god to kill me if I can't do it. I know they will make me out to be the horrible one and they will be the victims. That always do. If they read what I just wrote they will it seem like I made them look like villains. I can't ever be the victim with them because they are adults and have suffered so much already and I don't know suffering.
I've hinted to my sisters but they think I'm joking. It's not a joke. I might just die because I don't think I can keep hanging on for 2 more years and all this might not end after that. I can't stand this house.
Can someone please just help me. Can you pray for me. I just need something or else I feel like I'll die.
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