I want to help dad be cured from Agoraphobia, what to do?

Thank you very much, I'll look them up on the play store right away. Best wishes 😃

Dear Sway,

I just looked up the 2 apps you recommended. Unfortunately, they are both only available in the USA. We live in a small country called Bosnia in Europe. Do you perhaps know any international app or maybe free online therapy if possible? Sorry to bother you again...

Thank you very much for the kind advice, I'm searching for online therapy currently, that would be the best choice, the only problem is that my dad doesn't speak English and in our country there aren't online therapists I think...thank you once again...best wishes and stay healthy 😃

Thank you very much, sorry for the late reply. I read your message to my dad and you two really have a lot in common. He also feels better immediately after turning around and going home. He sometimes goes on sort of practice drives with my uncle, mostly at nighttime. He says that he feels a lot better at night. Is this a case with you also? I haven't found anything regarding agoraphobia and decrease of symptoms during the night. I, unfortunately, have no drivers id yet. I hope to get one soon and help him in that way. You are right about the eating thing, too. He also noticed that what, when and how much he eats has a big impact on how he is feeling. We have started all drinking healthy homemade beetroot, apple and carrot juices. He has also promised not to have dinner late because he feels much worse in the morning. Sweets have also been cut down on minimum, but he cannot be without them as well as coffee. He also takes vitamin b 12 shots every month or so because he thinks that his heart rate is crazier due to anemia (which he believes he has because of weakness and some other symptoms). He says now that even when he has a panic attack his heart rate is not so fast as before. I feel really happy because it helps him at least a little bit. There is also vitamin B 12 spray and tablets if you can't take shots. My mum is a nurse so she gives it to him. I hope that I have helped you a little bit, too. Your post made him feel like he was not alone, thank you very much for taking the time to answer. Best wishes in your recovery. I believe that you are two strong wonderful dads who will overcome this 😃

Yes night time is when I am at my best. In fact until two years ago I worked from 5pm to 5am. I needed meds to get me to work but after that I would be somewhat ok. The building did not have many windows anyways so it was hard to tell if it was daylight or not. At my first break it would be dark so I could also calm down by sitting outside and catching fresh air. But even working at night I would have sunglasses on to keep the light down and things more mellow. Night shift was just myself and one other guy getting work done. Not much interaction with people. Work and talk radio to keep my mind busy. LOL late night talk radio can be crazy about aliens and nutty stuff. But what stinks is the rest of the world does not operate when we are at our best.

You both sound amazing. Hope you get this figured out. I eventually went to weekly therapy appointments. After that I pushed it more and went to group therapy daily. I despised the thought of a group setting but that was why I did it. I can't do that now but it's a goal that I am going to attempt again. The funny thing is at the "day hospital" because you go home everyday, was a hallway that would drive me nuts to walk down. Every day for months on end I could walk around except for one hallway. But I forced myself down it everyday anyways knowing I always survived. Finally, determined, I studied that hallway to figure out why I had such a problem with it. Turned out the lights are spaced every 6 feet vs 8 feet in the rest of the building. My subconscious picked that slight difference in brighter lighting but it took me a long time to figure out what was up with that hallway. My monthly to weekly appointments are in the same building and I now chuckle walking down that hallway.

Every bit does help. I am thinking about starting acid reflux PPI meds to see if that will help keep my stomach calm during high stress. If I ever get this sorted out I will yell at the top of my lungs how I was finally cured. Nobody should have to go through this. Best wishes... take care.

so nice to hear other folks function better at night. I too am a night owl, have been one my entire life!

I've always wondered why that is, but have learned to stop questioning it!

fortunately, the world seems to be flowing on more of a 24hr cycle these days!

What an interesting story about the light and hallway. A human mind indeed is very complicated, but you seem to be figuring it out, luckily. My mum, for example, works maybe 3-4 miles from our home and dad has to take her because a bus doesn't go there. He has to go through his nightmare road which is almost always crazy in traffic and you get stuck easily in a row of 20-30 cars. During the day, when mum is second shift, he struggles so much to take her, often has a panic attack if he gets stuck and then he is tired and cannot eat well almost all day. On the other side, when mum is first shift, around 4-5 in the morning, there is almost no one there, maybe 1 car and 2-3 persons. He has no problem going than, not even a little bit. He also jokes around how nice would it be if the post office, the banks, the markets all worked at night. He asked you if you how far is you therapy from your house and how do you manage to go. The nearest cbt therapist is about 8-9 miles from us, through horrible traffic and city which dad cannot go and hasn't been for 7 years. If he could just go I think it would all get better...My dad and I thank you for taking time to answer in such detail. Best wishes...

Dear Linda,

This is the first time we also hear about someone similar to dad. At least it's nice to know he's not alone. Wishing you all the best in you life and recovery...

I don't always figure out what is triggering me. Sometimes I walk out to my grille and throw burgers on it with no worries in the world. Go back out 5 minutes later to flip them over and I can't walk across the yard anymore for no apparent reason. I do it anyways because I don't want those tasty burgers to burn.

For myself I think any extra sensation of any type is just more info my subconscious mind figures is some type of unsafe situation.

I do bad a traffic lights and attempt to time them so I don't need to stop. I used to absolutely love to drive in the past and even traffic did not bother me, I would just jamb out with the radio. But that is not who I am now, I feel trapped very easily and my motorcycle was not started in the past 8 years. Certain road conditions like driving though constant on off flicker of shadows like you get on a bright day with telephone polls and trees running the roadside drive me nuts. Kind of like the light says" boo hear I am now I am gone" over and over again.

My closest therapist is only .5 miles away. But the big one I goto is in town. Still it only takes me 10 minutes to get to it. I push myself and goto my parents place. I can rest and recover there and after I chill out I find I rather not go back home. Who would? I am always home lol this is like a prison. I thought about booking hotel rooms close to me but going a little farther to the next hotel every day. I am not sure that would go well or not but it is an idea I was thinking about trying so that being in strange places may become more normal.

I begged my doctors to just knock me out like they did to "Ba Baracus" on the 80's A-Team TV show every time they had to fly to get me to a more renowned anxiety center. You may not know that show, but your dad would probably have a laugh at that. Anyways they refuse to do that sort of thing.

In fact, despite my mental illness I keep a rather good positive demeanor. Despite having a serious illness they wont admit me to a mental hospital overnight simply because I am not suicidal or homicidal. I want my life back. However functional wise I have a more severe condition that most patients. Can get frustrating.

I just got a puppy lol. That is forcing me to get up, move, stand outside and wait way beyond my comfort zone as it casually looks for a place to poo. I find ways to push myself and at the same time distract myself so I don't realize how much time or distance I did something. When I start thinking about distance and time an attack is normally about to happen unless I think about it in a proud way. Like wow I just spent 6 hours away from home and I am fine! Need more of those days.

One last thing I found is sometimes I get light headed, dizzy when driving. I don't know if this is anxiety or just something that happens like car sickness just because travel has become so irregular to me. However cracking the car window and feeling the breeze across my face can mask the dizzy sensation and help me maintain myself a little better. I try every trick in the book to push myself more. But don't push too far, otherwise you end up being stuck in a very small circle to work yourself out of.

Thank you so much for such a detailed answer once again, also sorry for responding so late again...You seem to have be quite a fighter, I wish my dad had the courage to also try to get to a counselor...It's not the courage perhaps that makes a difference between you two. I believe you live in America by the way you speak and the show you mentioned. We live in a very small country in Europe called Bosnia. We haven't got many good counselors, I doubt we have maybe 1 in whole city that does CBT, that is the one I mentioned before that is 8-9 miles through horrible traffic. One more thing I wanted to ask you is, do the physical symptoms scare you more like heart beating, nausea and vertigo, than the fear itself during a panic attack? I asked dad many times would he like me to bring a cardiologist in a home visit. I think that if he knew that his heart was healthy and okay he would be able to try to push it more like you do and maybe visit that CBT counselor. He says he doesn't know if that is smart because of mum and the neighbors. Mum doesn't quite aknowledge agoraphobia. She thinks that everything can be cured with just right food...They say that it's very hard to understand it if you don't have it. I try my best by reading online and by many stories. I have found many stories of recovery these days and they made me feel very hopeful. But the problem is I think that dad is scared of recovering and bringing a doctor home, because he doesn't want to be pushed back, like you said. It took him almost 2 years to go to the market and maybe drive a little further after 2014 when he was really bad...He seems happy at one side, but I know that he would give anything to live freely. Another thing is that he says that he also knows right now and believes that a panic attack cannot hurt him but when it strikes no amount of reading online or any words cannot make him believe that he is safe, that is the main problem I think...Sorry for such a long post again, but he has been through so much in life that if I were to write everything it would take me days...Best wishes once again....

ps: getting yourself a puppy is very smart, we also have a little pekingeese for little over a year now and dad loves to play with him, he makes him kinda happy I've noticed...

Yes I am from the United States. I don't think that I have more courage than your dad though. I think our circumstances are different. Although I always was high anxiety and started to have panic attacks 10 years ago, agoraphobia did not hit me hard until two years ago. I loved to travel and did so many fun things with my kid. I was one of those proud dads that always showed up for school functions. Slept overnight in Baltimore on an old 1800's warship the USS Constellation as one of his Cub Scout trips. Vacations all over the United States from California, Texas, Florida, Las Vegas, and countless beaches down the Atlantic coast. Not many states I did not visit. Also vacationed in Canada and the Bahamas... Until two years ago. I loved these things but cant do them now. I took thousands of pictures and my phone has a habit of reminding me "pictures from this day 3 years ago." This is like a prison to me, I want out, and I have so many things to remind me who I was recently. As I said agoraphobia hit me two years ago. Before that I would randomly take spur of the moment road trips and vacations. Just go, see something new, just because. Someday I wanted to visit Europe too. I feel like such a failure to my son, I hope he understands that I am trying but it is so hard.

By the way, I attended group therapy with a woman who migrated to the USA from Bosnia.

Like I said before, I was always high anxiety. That to me feels normal. What is not normal is the physical symptoms. They are very extreme and they start at a very low anxiety level. Seriously I need to be super chill in order not to have symptoms and that was never my personality. So the physical symptoms are defiantly what effect me the most. Collapsing unable to catch my breath with a resting heart rate of 170 bpm does not inspire confidence and people in public places don't understand. In fact it makes me worry despite all the tests that something else is the cause because it is very hard to believe that anxiety can actually be this bad, but it can be.

Thank you very much for answering once again. Firstly, trust me you are not a failure to your son. You did not chose to have this, it is indeed very hard to be understood by someone who does not have it, but family member is something else. I'm sure your son understands that it is much harder for you to live in fear, than for him to give up some fun cool things you did. When you and my dad get better we'll catch up on all the fun things we've missed. Don't worry about that. Now this is a message from my dad: I'm glad we've shared our experiences and advices and thank you for kindly answering. I hope that one day when you're better you will visit the Olympic city Sarajevo and that you'll be our guest in our home!

ps: If you come up with a new strategy or have some new advices on how to recover, please send us a message again, we will do so, too. Best wishes!

Lol I would love to do that someday. New years wish will be for all of us that are suffering. I hope your dad recovers. Take care. You and your dad will be in my prayers.