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I wasn't completely honest with him

Posted , 6 users are following.

holly81184
holly81184

So I was diagnosed early last year with genital herpes. I still don't think I've come to terms with it. This has only become evident to me now. I've been seeing a new guy and was very apprehensive about sex. He thought I was just shy and I explained my need to use condoms. I didn't go into detail but I gave him the idea that I had something and said we'd discuss it another time. But we didn't. I guess I was waiting for him to bring it up again. Anyway one night one thing was leading to another and I decided it was safe for him to go down on me as I haven't had any symptoms since my first outbreak. What a selfish decision to make. Today he asked me what was up, why I was holding back when it came to sex and I brought it back to our initial conversation on the topic except this time I dropped the H bomb. He immediately flipped. The completely ridiculous part to this story is I have read countless articles on how to tell someone you have herpes and how to avoid this from happening in the first place. I couldn't listen to it. I felt utterly disgusting and so completely selfish for putting him in the position that I too had found myself in.

As far as I know he's completely herpes free but that's not the point. The point is that I didn't give him autonomy of decisions surrounding his health. And that's not okay. And this has brought all my other feelings about having herpes back to the surface.

Aside from this huge horrific blunder of mine, I've come to realise that my idea of sex has completely changed. It's something that I want to avoid taking about and doing and that makes me so so sad. I don't know if I'll ever enjoy it again or want to subject someone I care deeply about to this horrible scenario.

I'm feeling really down about it all and so guilty for my actions. I don't think I can talk to anyone about this. How does one ever move on from this?

0 likes, 21 replies

21 Replies

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  • jane80952
    jane80952 holly81184

    Posted

    Actually the currently available blood tests are pretty accurate. They are how I was diagnosed, so if they're not accurate for anyone else they wouldn't be accurate for me and I would have no basis of informing anyone I had herpes. ..nor would many others who are never less encouraged by their doctors to tell people they have it on the basis of the blood test.

  • Franky90
    Franky90 holly81184

    Posted

    Hi holly81184 im going through something similar i just got diagnosed with genital herpes and i probably passed it on to someone!! The feel of guilty is killing me plus the fact i just got diagnosed makes things even worse cause i can only imagine what this other person is going through!! I feel so bad so i think i can relate with u!! If u still want to talk id would really really like to talk with someone that can relate to my situation!!
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