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I wish I was dead

Posted , 2 users are following.

jacqui42806
jacqui42806

I am 55, live on my own and although I have a job and a lovely family, I absolutely hate myself.

I am so low. I haven't got the guts to end my life, that's how pathetic I am. I just wish I would hurry up and die.

I have become clumsy, forgetful, socially awkward, and unhappy. Whenever I do something wrong, or can't remember things, I just call myself horrible names and tell myself that I don't deserve to live. I cry all the time too and really struggle in work because my memory is so bad.

My two kids, who are adults, are both in loving relationships. I have two failed marriages under my belt and am just a pathetic waste of space.

I don't know what yo do.

0 likes, 1 reply

1 Reply

  • jan34534
    jan34534 jacqui42806

    Edited

    jacqui I am so very sorry you are going through this and feeling this way! I can honestly tell you that I can definitely get some of the same feelings you have.you are most likely suffering with depression ..

    i I am in my 60s and have suffered from anxiety and depression all my life. I know what it feels like. But there is help in a lot of support out there. I also live alone and sometimes that can get overwhelming and lead to depression.

    it makes me sad to know that you hate yourself and feel like you are worthless. You are a unique person with special gifts and talents that you may not even be aware of.you must have done something right because both your grown children are in great relationships. Give yourself some credit!

    i highly recommend that you set up an appointment with a counselor. This is very difficult to go through alone and it really helps to vent to somebody who can help. You can do a virtual appointment which is what I do and it works great.

    depression can interfere with peoples memory. But that is reversible with treatment. You can feel a lot better! but you have to take action and not let depression defeat you! Be a fighter for yourself!

    you can also talk to your doctor about possible medication that can lift the depression.

    instead of the negative talk about yourself, you need to reverse that and start with positive self affirmations. You can find those on YouTube. Taking baby steps is the best way to go to start feeling better. Here are some ideas that I have also done.

    1. start each day by writing down 1 to 5 things that you are grateful for. I like to use a journal. Everybody has at least a few things that they are grateful for. What I did was read them each day.

      2.every day whether I felt like it or not, I would brush my hair and put on a little make up. That just gave me a mental lift and it just feels better to know that I I am taking care of myself.

      3.Get some kind of exercise whether you feel like it or not. Just going on a walk is so good for the mental state. Another mental lift!

    2. turn the negative comments about yourself into positive ones. The negative comments are not truth. They are just depression speaking. Start using some positive self affirmations. You can find those on YouTube! you repeat them over and over, your brain begins to believe them whether they are negative or positive so stick with the positive!
    3. I should have put this one first but set up an appointment with a counselor!
    4. Eat healthy and drink plenty of water each day. Stay away from junk foods and sugar which is a major depressant!

      no matter what has happened in your life, you can start to feel a little bit better each day. This does not have to be you and you have so much more life to live! Your counselor will help you to find joy in your life so that one day you can look back and be glad you decided to fight for yourself! Private message me anytime you like. Take care ❤

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