I would like to be my old self again.

Posted , 5 users are following.

I had a pretty bad childhood. My father was a drinker and a drug addict and he caused me many traumas. But experiencing the bad side of life as a kid made me wiser. When i was 12 i started to notice what was actually going on and i was depressed in a way. That so called depressen lasted for 3 years. Then i met a girl who saved me, heald my scars and i was the happiest person in the world. But a couple of months passed and she left and that broke me very much, i started changing. A couple of months passed and i went to Montengro for a vacation. My two friends and I were at a little island called "Hawaii" (trust me i dont know why its called that). We climbed up the highest point of the mountain where you could see the whole city of Budva. It started raining and i was just standing there looking at the city, looking at the blue sky, the grey clouds, the rainbow. In that moment i felt at peace, i felt that i had met my soul, in that moment everything in my life made sense and i got rid of all the bad things in my head. We went back home to Serbia and that peace in my heart continued. Two months passed and in august last year my father died. That broke me and took away that peace inside off me. I tought that i had accepted his death,that i made peace with it, but it turns out i just buried it inside of myself and i had put on a mask of so called "happiness". And last month I realized that i had changed completely. I have become so agressive and rebelious. Many close people have told me the same thing. I feel that i am full of anger and i just want to get rid of it, I want to me my old self again,that little boy who had i kind heart and a clear mind, i just want to find peace again.

If anybody is going trough the same thing and could help me, i would appreciate it very much. :D

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  • Posted

    Strahinja

    Talk to your Doctor and explain your condition to Him, He should be able to arrange some treatment to help you.

    My life was hard and it took a long time to make far reaching changes, you know what your problems were as a child and now through your Fathers Death should be able to put those many problems to sleep and them continue on with that new life we wished to follow when you were with your Girlfriend. There is no reason you should not move on and be your own person.

    BOB

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  • Posted

    Hi Strahinja - sorry to read of your situation. I think you have buried the pain of your childhood in order to get past it. The death of your father has brought that back. Did you ever talk to him about the abuse he visited on you as a child? Did he explain himself? Did he apologise? Have you forgiven him? If the issues were not dealt with while he was alive, then you may be unconciously raging that there is no longer any way to get answers as he is deceased. I would suggest you see your doctor and ask to be referred to a psychologist to discuss these matters. It will take time to dig out the deepest issues, and you must ensure you are comfortable with the psychologist. If not, find another. Remember - you are not to blame for the actions of your father. It is not your fault. In time as you open up, your anger can be experienced and dealt with in a safe environment. You may also need to be placed on medications to help you through. These will take 3-8 weeks to work and you will begin feeling better. It will help you open up, but they are a tool, and you must take them as instructed and not throw them aside when you are feeling better. Best of luck to you Strahinja. Make that appointment - you deserve a happy and complete future.
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  • Posted

    Hi Strahinja16. 

    Yes, I can definitely relate to those feelings, thinking everything was finally good and great and on track and then, boom, back to square one... Life sickens me sometimes.

    Doctor, therapist, medication. Those are your main options. All the best. 

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